Executive Functioning and Emotion What Parents Need to

Executive Functioning and Emotion: What Parents Need to Know About the Connection Between Brain Development and Their Children's Emotional Wellness By Dr. Rebecca Resnik, Psychologist Director, Mindwell Psychology Bethesda

Who is Strong? He who controls his passions!

So what is the plan? • A bit about the brain • Understanding EF and selfregulation • Techniques for helping our kids/students/clients

The Brain • The brain matures from the center (‘Old Brain’) outward • “Genetics loads the gun, environment pulls the trigger”—Nature and Nurture • The brain is literally shaped by experience • Neural Plasticity

Thinking about the brain

The Limbic System

Prefrontal Cortex

The Sad Story of Phineas Gage

The rational brain vs the emotional brain? • Artificial division— Damasio and “Descartes' Error” • Emotions are integral to making decisions, learning, adapting • Much of our functioning is unconscious

The brain is “loopy”

What exactly are the Executive Functions? • Being able to get things done efficiently • Abilities and qualities we associate with maturity and success • Associated primarily with the frontal lobe of the brain—matures till age 25 • Experts such as Barkley and Gioia consider EF to include: – Behavioral Regulation (Impulse Control) – Metacognition (Thinking about Thinking)

Executive Functioning • The brain’s ability to: – Plan – Execute – Self-monitor – Control Attention (concentrate, shift, ignore) – Make adjustments – Inhibit impulses – Organize

Things to remember about EF • EF capabilities can mature unevenly • EF capabilities are not necessarily as developed as the body • EFs apply not just to cognition and learning but to emotion, behavior, and socialization

How does EF develop? As the frontal lobe matures, we learn to: • Inhibit impulses • Plan ahead/anticipate • Weigh options • Self-soothe • Gauge time/effort • Control our attention

Personality and Temperament • EF capabilities develop differently in every individual • There are genetic differences • There are environmental differences • Human beings have different “set points, ” we don’t all react the same to the same stimuli

Levels of Anxiety: Too Little

Optimal Levels. . .

Too much. . .

Flaws are not always flaws, strengths are not always strengths • The concept of the yin/yang or yetzer tov/yetzer hara • Our qualities can be both a liability and an asset, depending on the demands of the environment

EF difficulties are often misunderstood • • She’s spoiled He’s lazy She doesn't care He’s a jerk He won’t He’s a wuss There’s a problem with the parents

EF deficits and emotions/behavior • Self Monitoring: lack of awareness • Self Regulation: emotional lability • Self Control: acting without thinking, acting on emotions • Self Determination: lack of persistence, easily overwhelmed

Attentional Control and Emotion • • • Filtering Distractibility Focus Sustaining attention Concentration

Good News! EF capabilities can be taught! • Discipline means teaching • Our goal—to support our child’s journey towards becoming a “mensch”--Ginnott • “Kids do well if they can”—Greene So our mission is to teach them HOW. . .

Part One: Developing Self Awareness • Helping our kids become mindful, “Know Thyself” --Socrates • Increasing metacognitive awareness • “Stop and Stepback”

Teaching Self Awareness: Label the feeling, not the child • Feelings are not wrong • Labels hurt, labels last – stupid -bossy – lazy - worry wart – princess -unmotivated – brain -spacey – brat - spoiled – fussy - stubborn – Thin skinned -spaz

Why label our kid’s feelings? • To teach self awareness—so they can recognize their own emotions • To increase metacognition • To connect with them • It brings relief

Part Two: Teach Coping skills When EF is immature, people tend to: 1. Get emotionally flooded 2. Withdraw/shut down 3. Lash out 4. Try to escape

Developing frustration tolerance • • Grit Resilience Perseverance Effort is hard work!

Part Four: Accept that “Failure is always an option” “The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more than any qualification I ever earned. ” ---JK Rowling

“Life is pain, Highness, anyone who says differently is selling something”-Westley

Part Four: Emotion Coaching • Times of stress bring opportunities for closeness • Label feelings, give feedback, support solutions • Don’t solve their problems for them

Part Five: Offer Constructive Feedback Praise –the curse and the blessing • • • Praise actions, effort, choices Praise what you want more of Use Descriptive praise Don’t over do it Honor the child’s perspective

Complaints versus Criticisms • Criticism: You’re such a slob! You never lift a finger to help out around here • Complaint: There are Skylanders all over this floor • Criticism: You failed because you always blow off studying. I told you so! • Complaint: There was too much x-box and not enough studying last night. How can we make sure this does not happen again?

Part Six: Modeling-- Be the change you want to see in your child Model positive “self-talk” – This is hard, but I can do it – I’m going to face my fear – I can stick with it NOT: -Oh I’m so stupid -I am horrible at this -I can’t stand this! -I need a drink!

Part Seven: Using behavior modification wisely • The ABCs of behavior • Stimulus = response

If we truly were completely rational, behavior plans would always work • Why aren’t they enough? 1. They don’t fix the underlying problem 2. They don’t teach ‘positive opposites’ or new skills—dependency on rewards 3. The child is not always able to earn the reward 4. Human beings do not decide based only on cost-benefit analysis

Behavior plans need to incorporate executive functioning support • Need to see behavior as not just ABC, but in terms of: Perception Emotion Cognition Action What human need did this behavior attempt to fulfill?

Plans should reinforce more adaptive behaviors to increase independence • Instead of “Johnny loses 5 min of recess every time he leaves his seat, ” Try: When he feels restless, Johnny will earn points for choosing to: 1. Use his fidget kit 2. Ask the teacher for a break 3. Sharpen his pencil 4. Squeeze his squashy ball

Troubleshooting • Kids pressure us to solve their problems • Kids pressure us to rescue them • Kids can drag us into the emotional vortex by ‘catastrophizing’

The emotional vortex, don’t get sucked in! • • Quick self-check in (deep breath!) Label the child’s feeling Listen Acknowledge that this is a tough problem What have you tried so far? Does this remind you of another problem? Do you have any other ideas for what to do?

Watch out for learned helplessness • Kids who have become discouraged over time may give up easily • Gifted kids may lack grit • Encourage determination • Model having hope

We want our kids to go from this. . .

To this!

That’s it! • Thank you very much Dr. Rebecca Resnik www. mindwell. us