TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS CONFLICT IN COMMUNICATION TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS Transactional

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS CONFLICT IN COMMUNICATION

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Transactional analysis: (Identifying behavior) • Developed by Dr. Eric Berne • Neurosurgeon Dr. Wilder Penfield inspired Dr. Berne • Researching epilepsy • Found playback available with certain stimulation to brain. • Found out that nothing can be forgotten • 3 separate sources of behavior (ego states) • Parent – taught concept of life – learned from your parents • Adult – learned concept of life – deals with the here and now • Child – felt concept of life – experienced as a child

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Parent Functions: • Teaches how-to • Sets limits • Protects • Guides • Keeps traditions • Judges • Nurtures • Gives advice

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Critical parent vs. • Rights and wrongs rule our lives scared • Directs behavior (governs us) Nurturing parent Would comfort when Based on past experiences • Value system • Parental ego state: -- (Critical and nurturing parent) expressed inwardly and outwardly • Past coming to fruition

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Adult Functions: • Learned; Processing • 1. Data gathering 3. Problem Solving • 2. Sorting 4. Decision making • Unemotional and serious all the time.

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Parent in the child [not o. k. ] • Adapted child: • Modifies behavior to please parents, trained • Uses knowledge; adapts to be praised or punished • Natural child: • Impulsive; expressive; untrained; cry; spontaneous • We want what we want and we want it now.

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Little professor: • Manipulative; creative; intuitive • Figures things out; when to get things • Reads nonverbal behavior well • 3 ego states that work together to meet basic needs.

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Child functions: • 1. Spontaneous 5. Adventurous • 2. Carefree 6. Pouting • 3. Jealousy 7. Rebellious • 4. Curious 8. Conforming

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Ego boundary permeability – allows a person to move through ego states at varying speeds based on personal experience. • Excluding ego state – using only one ego state • Excluded ego state – leaving out one ego state

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Ego state contamination: • One’s ego state boundaries are broken down • Getting emotional about things; phobia • Becoming a walking stereotype

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Transactions – Interactions between people (Stimulus Response) • Three types: • Complimentary (parallel) • Crossed • Ulterior

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Complimentary: • When a message is sent out and responded to from the same ego state. (parallel transactions) • Once started, they tend to continue in that direction. • Target an ego state and respond from it.

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS P P A A C C

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Crossed: • When people glare at each other. • When an unexpected response is made. • “What was that all about? ” • Interrupts flow; stops the flow of communication.

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS P P A A C C

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Weak transactions: • Lack feelings of intensity; lack commitment • Indirect transactions: • Trying to give a message to a third party/person out of conversation. • Diluted transactions: • Half affectionate and half hostile. • Basis for psychological game playing.

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Ulterior transactions: • More than one ego state. • Hidden agendas (double message) • Overt (social) verbal and nonverbal • Covert (psychological) non apparent; manipulative

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS P P A A C C

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Angular Ulterior: • Looks at adult to adult • Trying to hook someone by going for child or adult • Manipulative

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS P P A A C C

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Duplex Ulterior: • More complex • Overt and covert are working together and exchanging

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Strokes: • Any act of recognition from another person. • Individuals are always trying to balance strokes socially. • Most of the strokes in the world are negative. • A stroke is a stroke (positive or negative) • Attention is attention

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • We are born into this world needing strokes. • Physical contact; when young • Marasmus lack of physical contact • Lack of receiving recognition/strokes leads to stroke hunger.

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Touch hunger changes to recognition hunger • Stroke hunger • Playing psychological games • Working harder for attention • Stroke value varies from person to person • What may satisfy one individual’s needs for recognition may not satisfy another’s.

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Unconditional stroke (positive or negative) • You did nothing to deserve it. • Someone being nice without expectation of reciprocity • Conditional stroke (positive or negative) • What you get for what you do … • Usually have strings attached … • “Thank you for cleaning your room. ” • “Stop doing that, aren’t you ashamed of yourself? ” • Negative conditional strokes are the most common.

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Because kids don’t get enough positive strokes, they will find a way to get any … including negative ones. • Negative strokes are better than none

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Time structures: • How is time structured for strokes? • Six possible ways to get strokes: • Withdraw from others (physically or psychologically) • Safety, even in a crowded room. • Ritual exchanges hellos and goodbyes • Pass time when people talk about harmless topics; not too familiar • Sports • Things that don’t really matter • Small talk • Allows exchanges and strokes

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Activity • Ways to structure time and keep busy • Task, rituals; pass times • Psychological games • People play games due to lack of intimacy • Exchanges bad feelings through the use of ulterior transactions. • Ex. “Blemish” – finding faults with others’ feelings

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Intimacy • Very rare as an individual • Compared to the amount of people we meet • Genuine caring/empathy • Authenticity • Free of games, free of exploitation • Actual feeling • It scares people to be more vulnerable than usual • People are afraid to share normally • People prefer to stay in their comfort zones

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Scale of emotional risk to reward stroke value: • Withdraw [------] • Ritual [-----] • Pass time [------] • Activity [--------] • Psychological games [---------] • Intimacy [------------] Highest stroke value!

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Feelings: • Racket: • substitute real “here and now” feelings • Stamp collecting: • • • Saving up bad feelings to cash in People have favorite bad feelings Saved chronic unpleasant bad feelings Relate mostly to bad feelings Gold stamps • Cashing in stamps we don’t deserve or need. • No stamp is good. (Stamps are saved up and collected in “stamp books. ”)

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Racket: • Converting all feelings into our favorite bad feelings • Rackets hide authentic feeling but not all bad feeling are rackets, only the repetitive, nonproductive ones.

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS 10 books • Stamps: Red (Anger) 100 books Tantrum Kill • Gray (Fear) Anxiety Panic • Blue (sad) Cry Major depression • Brown (hurt) Sulk Suicide • White (Martyr) Marry drunk Marry junkie • Green (sick) Throw up Organ removal • Gold (Goodie) A night out New car/vacation

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Attempt stamp burning: • React to one situation at a time • When you first get bad feelings • Not allowing overlapping feelings

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Psychological games: • Structuring our time with games, there is a winner and a loser. • Game – An ongoing series of complimentary ulterior transactions progressing to a well defined, predictable outcome. • Games require two or more to play • They tend to repeat with complimentary games

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Games are played to: • Structure time • Receive negative strokes ( collect bad feelings) • Confirm life position (ok; not-ok) • Avoid intimacy • Maintain rackets • Provide predictability

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Is predictability better than unpredictability? • Particular games people play: • “Why don’t you … yes but” justifying your depression by not accepting solutions • “Kick me” How you spend your stamps and attempt to accrue more by asking to get run over. • “If it weren’t for you …” I’d have accomplished more.

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • “Schlemeil. ” Trying to obtain forgiveness by being clumsy. • “Alcoholic. ” Allowing yourself into a mind altering state of being and rationalizing its outcomes. • You will need: • A persecutor – from an interpersonal relationship • Rescuer – Friend • Patsy or Dumby – nurturer; mother • Bartender – person on your side

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • “Debtor. ” getting attention for owing people money • “NIGYYSOB. ” Now I’ve got you, you son of a B******; entrapment; setting people up to look bad or fail. • “See what you made me do. ” Blaming other people for their mistakes. • “Courtroom. ” Argument where you need an outside opinion; looking for a judge. • “Frigid person. ” Provoke and then deny over and over (repetitive)

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • “Stocking. ” Revealing extra skin to get someone’s attention • “Harried. ” Volunteering for more than you can do. • “Blemish. ” Fault finding; someone showing you what to do, then finding a fault in it. • “Wooden leg. ” “I have an impairment, can you do something for me? ”

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • “Lets you and him fight. ” Two people provoked by one person to fight. • “Uproar. ” Parent/child game; “why did you come home so late? ” • “Stupid. ” Does dumb stuff to be ridiculed • “Cops and robbers. ” breaking rules and trying not to get caught

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Intensity of games: • 1 st degree: • Social damage • Small collection of stamps • Cash in for crying, anger, etc. • 2 nd degree: • Psychological damage • Bigger stamp collection • Quit (job, school, marriage)

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • 3 rd degree: • Tissue damage • Go for broke • Homicide; suicide

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • How to stop games: • Ignore them • Confront then • Talk about how it makes you feel • Refuse the bad feelings • Deal with the facts from your adult (adult ego states do not play games) • Ask yourself: • How did the game start? • Do I feel bad for my Parent or Child?

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Organizational Communication Psychologist – Dr. Robert Bramsom • Common problem employee types – Coping with difficult people • The Sherman Tank • Behavior: • • Domination through intimidation Victims feel like they are being run over Attack you personally Abusive, abrupt and arrogant • Why? • Strong need to prove themselves • Sense of what others should do • Gets immediate needs met

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Cannot have collaborative disagreement; value aggressiveness • Solution: • Don’t show rage; stand up for yourself • Give them time to quit tantrum • Interrupt or cut in; strong, assertive • Get attention carefully; be appropriate • Speak from your own point of view • Don’t go for a head on fight • Stand up to them

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • The Sniper • Behavior: • They strike out from cover • Not too subtle digs • Not so playful teasing • Takes pot shots • Why? • They believe others should think and act the way the sniper expects them to. • They think they are superior to others. • They feel like they are in control when they undercut you. • They are good at it. • Solution: • Surface the attack … bring it out in the open. • Ask questions • Group confirmation • Remove yourself from the situation calmly

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Time bomb (Exploder) • Behavior: • Most of the time they act very nice. • Adult tantrums is their tool • More out of control than “tanks” or “snipers. ” • Truly an explosion • Irritable and overly emotional • Why? • Tantrums reduce the “opponent’” to • Passivity • Silence • Their own tantrums • Solution: • Give them time to quite the tantrum • Change venue • Get away from explosion

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • The whiner (complaining constantly) • Behavior: • • • Highly developed and skilled at complaining Tends to sit down because they are going to stay a while. Voice often has a “sing-song” quality that blames and accuses. Finds faults with everything We tend to placate or become defensive • Why? • • • Arm chair leaders May be truly powerless Have a “How things should be” perspective. They may think they are perfect They are triangular complainers. (Gossip, rumor, complaint)

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Solution: • Listen • Acknowledge • Be prepared to interrupt • Use limited responses • Don’t agree with them • Move/switch to problem solving • State the facts

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • The brick wall (Clamming up) • Behavior: • You ask a question or make a statement and get a closed answer • It’s like talking to a “brick wall. ” • They get unresponsive when you need an answer. • It is difficult to draw them out. • Why? • It is their way of handling/avoiding difficult interpersonal situations. • They can hurt or control others (by frustrating them) • They get to avoid attention on self

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Solution: • Try and find ways to break tension • Say what you see • Name your feelings; be descriptive • Give a friendly, silent stare

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • The super agreeable • Behavior: • Always smiles and has s friendly word. • They communicate “whatever you want, ” you got it – but then they don’t come through. • They say what you want to hear, making you think they agree with you. • They use humor. • Why? • They need to be liked and loved by others. • They are trying to avoid conflict. • Unrealistic comments are made to please others.

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Solution: • Reassure them that being truthful with each other is best • Be personal; Connect • Don’t allow them to make unrealistic commitments • Listen to their humor.

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • The wet blanket negativist • Behavior: • Always having the attitude that “that will never work. ” • Says, “We’ve tried that before. ” • They hurt working groups • Why? • They gain power by tapping the potential for despair. • They already and truly feel defeated. • They believe that people, organizations and things stand in their way. • They believe everyone cannot be trusted; feel anger • In their early years, they were unable to work through disappointment.

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Solution: • Don’t argue. • Use it as an acid test • Stay positive • Don’t rush to come to conclusions.

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • The know it all the bulldozer • Behavior: • Productive people who push all obstacles out of their way. • Use a tone of certainty • Leave others feeling not as good as before. • No room for anyone else’s ideas • If something goes wrong, they blame it on others’ incompetence. • Why? • They are opinionated • They usually get what they want because people would rather give in than promote conflict. • They want to have things their way.

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Solution: • Do your homework; have counter evidence ready • Listen and acknowledge • Question them firmly • Listen to yourself • Acknowledge confidence • Let them be the experts

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • The fake know it all the hot air balloon • Behavior: • They sound off whether they know anything or not. • Considered a phony expert/con artist • Typically smooth and convincing (self and others) • Why? • “I want people to think that I am brilliant. ” • They believe that others will think, “It sounds right, so it probably is. ” • “I believe it is true so, why not say so. ” • “No one is calling me a liar, so I guess I’m brilliant. ”

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Solution: • Face them with facts

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • The procrastinator indecisive staller • Behavior: • Put things off until they are at a critical state • Cannot make up their minds about how to do something. • There are too many options and I’m not sure which to do, so I’ll do nothing. • Why? • They are afraid of making the wrong decision • They want to please everyone • They are worried they won’t please, so they don’t do anything. • Others around them lose enthusiasm

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Solution: • Support them • Remind them about deadlines • Reassure their capability

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Aspects of the partnership conflict approach which need to be continually checked: • Diversity and differences: • Clarify understanding of each other in the interpersonal relationship. • Use differences in the relationship to see how and what we can improve. • Needs: • It’s a perpetual conflict which cannot be satisfied. • Affected by ignoring other’s needs; ignoring your own needs; ignoring the relationship’s needs.

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Perception: • Self-perception – The way you perceive yourself is based on your understanding of the way others perceive you. • Perceptions of the other party – We create pictures of foes in our head, which include only negative aspects of their true selves. • Perceptions of the situation – A situation’s perceptions needs to be clarified by every party involved to make sure everyone understands and see the same thing. • Perception of threat – Using things that are hurtful against someone you feel is a threat, even though there may be none.

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS • Power: • The capacity to act effectively and the ability to influence • Values and principles: • Do individuals make judgements based on values or rely on principles to get their way? • Because of my status, whatever I believe or say, goes. • Feelings and emotions: • Feeling and emotions make things worse for the parties involved. • Objectivity is the key to resolution. • Internal conflicts: • Holding onto something or not knowing how to deal with it.

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS