Indiana University Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Amy

Indiana University Communication Styles: Passive, Assertive, Aggressive Amy Hume Discussion Session #13

Communications Styles Goals for Today l Understand different communication styles and how they affect others l Practice recognizing and crafting messages in different styles l Learn about assertiveness skills

Have you ever dealt with a difficult person? Communications Styles

Communications Styles It’s all about respect Passive Assertive Aggressive No Respect for Self & Others No Respect for Others

Communications Styles How about…? Can’t speak up

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Can’t speak up Assertive Aggressive

Communications Styles How about…? Loud

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Can’t speak up Assertive Aggressive Loud

Communications Styles How about…? Firm

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Can’t speak up Assertive Firm Aggressive Loud

Communications Styles How about…? Don’t know my rights

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Assertive Firm Aggressive Loud

Communications Styles How about…? Direct

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Can’t speak up Firm Don’t know my rights Direct Aggressive Loud

Communications Styles How about…? Bossy

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy

Communications Styles How about…? Honest

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Honest

Communications Styles How about…? Pushy

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Honest Pushy

Communications Styles How about…? Respect rights of others

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Honest Pushy Respect rights of others

Communications Styles How about…? Get stepped on

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Respect rights of others

Communications Styles How about…? Meek

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others

Communications Styles How about…? Dominating

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating

Communications Styles How about…? Intimidating

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Intimidating

Communications Styles How about…? Too accommodating

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Too accommodating Intimidating

Communications Styles How about…? Violate others’ rights using power, position & language

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Too accommodating Intimidating Violate others’ rights using power, position & language

Communications Styles How about…? Talks softly

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Too accommodating Talks softly Intimidating Violate others’ rights using power, position & language

Communications Styles How about…? Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Intimidating

Communications Styles How about…? Must get my way

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Intimidating Must get my way

Communications Styles How about…? Gives “cold fish” handshakes

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Intimidating Must get my way

Communications Styles How about…? Don’t stand up for my rights

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Intimidating Must get my way

Communications Styles How about…? React instantly

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Intimidating Must get my way React instantly

Communications Styles How about…? Avoid conflicts

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Avoid conflicts Intimidating Must get my way React instantly

Communications Styles How about…? Confident

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Avoid conflicts Confident Intimidating Must get my way React instantly

Communications Styles How about…? Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Avoid conflicts Confident Intimidating Must get my way React instantly Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone

Communications Styles How about…? Realize I have choices

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Avoid conflicts Confident Realize I have choices Intimidating Must get my way React instantly Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone

Communications Styles How about…? Effective communicator

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Avoid conflicts Confident Realize I have choices Effective communicator Intimidating Must get my way React instantly Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone

Communications Styles How about…? People take advantage of me

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Confident Avoid conflicts Effective communicator People take advantage of me Realize I have choices Intimidating Must get my way React instantly Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone

Communications Styles How about…? Can express my needs

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Confident Avoid conflicts Effective communicator People take advantage of me Realize I have choices Can express my needs Intimidating Must get my way React instantly Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone

Communications Styles How about…? Can be abusive

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Confident Avoid conflicts Effective communicator People take advantage of me Realize I have choices Can express my needs Intimidating Must get my way React instantly Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone Can be abusive

Communications Styles How about…? Vise-like handshake

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Confident Avoid conflicts Effective communicator People take advantage of me Realize I have choices Can express my needs Intimidating Must get my way React instantly Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone Can be abusive Vise-like handshake

Communications Styles How about…? Make good eye contact

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Confident Avoid conflicts Effective communicator People take advantage of me Realize I have choices Can express my needs Make good eye contact Intimidating Must get my way React instantly Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone Can be abusive Vise-like handshakes

Communications Styles How about…? I like to get even

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Confident Avoid conflicts Effective communicator People take advantage of me Realize I have choices Intimidating Must get my way React instantly Can express my needs Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone Make good eye contact Can be abusive Vise-like handshake I like to get even

Communications Styles How about…? Speak with firm voice

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Confident Avoid conflicts Effective communicator People take advantage of me Realize I have choices Intimidating Must get my way React instantly Can express my needs Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone Make good eye contact Can be abusive Speak with firm voice Vise-like handshake I like to get even

Communications Styles How about…? Trouble saying “no, ” then I’m angry and resentful

Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Confident Avoid conflicts Effective communicator People take advantage of me Trouble saying “no, ” then I’m angry and resentful Realize I have choices Intimidating Must get my way React instantly Can express my needs Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone Make good eye contact Can be abusive Speak with firm voice Vise-like handshake I like to get even

Communications Styles Passive Style: Summary Too intimidated to express thoughts and feelings l Forfeits his/her rights or freedoms l Gives in to demands so he/she will be accepted l Avoid confrontation at any cost l Often feels used and taken advantage of l Driven by anxiety l

Communications Styles Assertive Style: Summary l Recognizes and stands up for own rights while respecting the dignity of others l Focuses on specific issues and problems, without belittling self or others l Expresses opinion without violating others’ rights l Minimizes opportunities to be taken advantage of by others

Communications Styles Assertive Style: Summary l Open, tolerant, and considerate of other’s feelings l Can overcome fear to confront issues that require resolutions l Can communicate feelings of anger diplomatically, without putting others on the defensive

Communications Styles Aggressive Style: Summary l Intimidates others to gain control of their thoughts and actions l Manipulates, accuses, fights l Little or no regard for other’s feelings l Driven by anger

Communications Styles Passive-aggressiveness l Hostility expressed through inaction; inertia used as a weapon ¢ Silent treatment ¢ Dragging your feet ¢ Always being late ¢ Never saying what they want to do, then sulking about it ¢ Lame excuses l Plausible deniability is key

Communications Styles ROLE PLAY l Scenario 1: Need two volunteers l Scenario 2: Need three volunteers

Communications Styles Assertiveness Skills l Know your rights Say no and not feel guilty Change your mind about anything Take your time to form a response to a comment or question ¢ Ask for assistance with instructions or directions ¢ Ask for what you want ¢ Experience and express your feelings ¢ Feel positive about yourself under any conditions ¢ Make mistakes without feeling embarrassed or guilty ¢ Own your opinions and convictions ¢ Protest unfair treatment or criticism ¢ Be recognized for your significant achievements and contributions ¢ ¢ ¢ From Davis, Eshelmann, and Mc. Kay (1988)

Communications Styles Assertiveness Skills l Know your rights l Learn to say no Learn to use “I” statements Use eye contact Use assertive body language Avoid manipulation l l ¢ Be aware of these strategies l Intimidation l Content substitution l Personal attacks (character assassination) l Avoidance

Communications Styles Assertiveness Skills l Know your rights Learn to say no Learn to use “I” statements Use eye contact Use assertive body language Avoid manipulation l Respond rather than react l l l ¢ Exercise

Communications Styles Your difficult person l What communication style do they use? l How does it make you feel? l How will you change your reaction to them?

Communications Styles Communication is two-way What questions do you have? ?

Communications Styles Evaluation Questions Use: A. B. C. D. E. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Strongly agree Agree Disagree Strongly disagree Don’t know #13 Tuesday, Sept. 28 I found the presentation of material easy to understand. This Advantage session increased my knowledge on the subject presented. I will be able to use some of the information from this Advantage session in the future. The presenter was well prepared for this Advantage session. This presentation should be repeated in future semesters.