LISTENING COMMUNICATION requires talking and LISTENING We all

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LISTENING

LISTENING

COMMUNICATION requires talking and LISTENING

COMMUNICATION requires talking and LISTENING

We all have a huge need to be listened to We need to learn

We all have a huge need to be listened to We need to learn HOW TO LISTEN

I need to listen to what is going on in your life

I need to listen to what is going on in your life

BLAH How well do you listen to each other? ? Fluffy

BLAH How well do you listen to each other? ? Fluffy

…well I think that was my name being mentioned! Are you really LISTENING… …or

…well I think that was my name being mentioned! Are you really LISTENING… …or just hearing words?

Since we believe that practice makes perfect, we have some short exercises which illustrate

Since we believe that practice makes perfect, we have some short exercises which illustrate the important aspects of listening

EXERCISE 1 Work with another person, NOT your partner Place your chairs back to

EXERCISE 1 Work with another person, NOT your partner Place your chairs back to back One of you to speak for a minute about … …The ways you like to spend your time…. some sport, hobbies, etc. Start now!

What did you notice? How did you feel? It seems to bring out the

What did you notice? How did you feel? It seems to bring out the need to turn our bodies towards the person speaking and to look at them

EXERCISE 2 Turn and face each other. This time the other person will be

EXERCISE 2 Turn and face each other. This time the other person will be the speaker Tell the other person about what you did last weekend But the listener must not look at the speaker. Look around, look at your watch, scratch your head etc. You may feel rude, but try it for one minute Start now!

How did you feel talking to someone who was not all interested in what

How did you feel talking to someone who was not all interested in what you were saying?

EXERCISE 3 We will now give you an opportunity to practice POSITIVE (ACTIVE) LISTENING

EXERCISE 3 We will now give you an opportunity to practice POSITIVE (ACTIVE) LISTENING This time pair up with your partner and decide who will be the speaker and who will be the listener. Tell your partner about pleasant and unpleasant memories of school days – anything. Memories, teachers, buildings, friends, etc. BUT NOTE…

The listener should say very little. Nod your head. Encourage your partner to say

The listener should say very little. Nod your head. Encourage your partner to say more by your facial expression. Make the odd comment to show you are listening. But don’t tell your own stories. We will give you a signal after two or three minutes then the listener will sum up what they have heard, checking out if they have understood well. Start now!

LISTENER: In your feed back, don’t say: “That reminds me of something that happened

LISTENER: In your feed back, don’t say: “That reminds me of something that happened when I was at school…” You CAN say “What you liked about school was…” Start now!

How did you feel talking to someone who WAS interested in what you were

How did you feel talking to someone who WAS interested in what you were saying?

*BARRIERS TO LISTENING Fear – of what I am about to be told and

*BARRIERS TO LISTENING Fear – of what I am about to be told and the emotional impact it may have on me: “Big boys don’t cry”

*BARRIERS TO LISTENING Reacting – too often we interpret what we hear as criticism,

*BARRIERS TO LISTENING Reacting – too often we interpret what we hear as criticism, and we react by trying to justify what we have said, or written; we try to defend ourselves, put ourselves in the right

*BARRIERS TO LISTENING Flight - not wanting to listen because of the demands listening

*BARRIERS TO LISTENING Flight - not wanting to listen because of the demands listening may make on me

*BARRIERS TO LISTENING Shut up and give us a kiss! Listening JUST for INFORMATION

*BARRIERS TO LISTENING Shut up and give us a kiss! Listening JUST for INFORMATION and not appreciating the person speaking

*BARRIERS TO LISTENING Listening for AFFIRMATION/PRAISE puts the focus on you and not on

*BARRIERS TO LISTENING Listening for AFFIRMATION/PRAISE puts the focus on you and not on the speaker…

BARRIERS TO LISTENING *Analysing – listening, but looking for ways you think the person

BARRIERS TO LISTENING *Analysing – listening, but looking for ways you think the person needs your help…. instead of just listening to the thoughts and feelings.

Listening is not a PASSIVE exercise – being just a like sponge soaking up

Listening is not a PASSIVE exercise – being just a like sponge soaking up what is being said. *Listening is ACTIVE. We need to clarify what we are hearing. Asking questions like: “Am I right in thinking…? ” Or “Would you explain that feeling to me a little more…”

ACTIVE listening Switch off from your own concerns Make a conscious decision to listen

ACTIVE listening Switch off from your own concerns Make a conscious decision to listen to them in a caring way Face the speaker, give them your full attention, make eye-contact

*Watch for what the person is communicating non-verbally

*Watch for what the person is communicating non-verbally

avoiding eye-contact by body posture

avoiding eye-contact by body posture

looking bored

looking bored

What is (s)he feeling right now? *Listen to the FEELINGS behind the words –

What is (s)he feeling right now? *Listen to the FEELINGS behind the words – get in touch with the PERSON rather than the topic (s)he is talking about.

Once they have finished speaking, reflect back in your own words the FEELINGS you

Once they have finished speaking, reflect back in your own words the FEELINGS you have heard, by saying “You’re feeling …because…”

*SOME DON’TS

*SOME DON’TS

Don’t interrupt or contradict the speaker

Don’t interrupt or contradict the speaker

Don’t offer advice or suggestions

Don’t offer advice or suggestions

I t e g r o …f … t a h t said Don’t

I t e g r o …f … t a h t said Don’t console or reassure the speaker – they need the chance to share what is going on inside them. Giving advice may actually close them up, and even make them feel worse.

*LISTENING IS A WAY OF LOVING. It involves a DECISION to love, a love

*LISTENING IS A WAY OF LOVING. It involves a DECISION to love, a love that the speaker EXPERIENCES as you listen to them right now.

MARRIED COUPLE’S SHARING HANDOUT: LISTENING

MARRIED COUPLE’S SHARING HANDOUT: LISTENING

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