OBJECTIVES • Understand the listening process • Develop listening skills
WHY LISTENING? (Bolton) • Words have different meanings for different people • People often “code” their messages • “Presenting” vs. actual problem • Speakers may be blind to their emotions • Listeners are easily distracted • Listeners hear through filters that distort the message
Active Listening (AL) • AL is used when: – The OTHER PERSON owns the problem – It’s not your problem – You are coming from a place of “helpfulness” • AL based on: – Empathy – Getting in touch with feelings behind the words – Acceptance – Confirmation Copyright 2001 Frontier. Works and Karen L. Rancourt, All Rights Reserved .
LEVELS OF LISTENING (Covey) 1. Ignoring 2. Pretending 3. Selective Listening 4. Attentive Listening 5. Empathic Listening
DEVELOPMENTAL STAGES (Covey) 1. Mimic content 2. Rephrase content 3. Reflect feeling 4. Rephrase content and reflect feeling
LISTENING SKILLS (Bolton) 1. Attending Skills (giving physical attn. ) • • A posture of involvement Appropriate body motion Eye contact Nondistracting environment • • Door openers Minimal encourages Infrequent questions Attentive Silence 2. Following Skills (get out of the way)
LISTENING SKILLS (cont. ) 3. Reflecting Skills • Paraphrasing • Reflecting feelings • Reflecting meanings (tying feelings to content) • Summative reflections
LISTENING BLOCKS (Covey) • Evaluating – we agree or disagree • Advising – we give counsel based on our experience • Probing – we ask questions from our frame of reference • Interpreting – we try to understand based on our motives and behavior
BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION • Judging – Criticizing – Name-calling – Diagnosing – Praising evaluatively
BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION • Sending Solutions – Ordering – Threatening – Moralizing – Excessive/Inappropriate Questioning
BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION • Avoiding the Other’s Concerns – Advising – Diverting – Logical argument – Reassuring
PERCEPTUAL BARRIERS • Frames of Reference • Semantics • Filtering • Selective Listening • Value Judgments • Relationships
LEFT-HAND COLUMN • Left-column represents thoughts and feelings relevant to conversation but not articulated. • Right-column is what was actually said • Organizations (and people) develop topics that are taboo • When your left-hand column is active you are diminishing your ability to listen
Example #1 of Active Listening (AL) Sender: “I was really annoyed when I presented Tom’s findings at the meeting. They were loaded with errors. ” Non-AL Response: “Well, Tom said you were in such hurry to get the stuff, he didn’t have time to check them. ” AL Response: “I imagine that caused you great embarrassment. ” Copyright 2001 Frontier. Works and Karen L. Rancourt, All Rights Reserved .
Example #2 of Active Listening (AL) Sender: “Finance is holding up my expense check for some dumb reason and I am broke. ” Non-AL Response: “That doesn’t surprise me. The way you write they probably can’t read them. ” AL Response: “I can tell this is really annoying you. ” Copyright 2001 Frontier. Works and Karen L. Rancourt, All Rights Reserved .
Example #3 of Active Listening (AL) Sender: “I just can’t believe how ridiculous the feedback is we’re getting from XYZ. ” AL Response: “Sounds like the quality of feedback has…” …disappointed you. …let you down. …upset you. Copyright 2001 Frontier. Works and Karen L. Rancourt, All Rights Reserved .
Example #4 of Active Listening (AL) Sender: “Oh, I guess this project’s going okay…” AL Response: “Sounds like this project…” …has you down in the dumps. …is discouraging you. …is leaving you weary. Copyright 2001 Frontier. Works and Karen L. Rancourt, All Rights Reserved .
Example #5 of Active Listening (AL) Sender: “That system design meeting went like a hot knife through butter…” AL Response: “I gather that…” …you’re pleased. …you’re excited. …you’re pumped up. Copyright 2001 Frontier. Works and Karen L. Rancourt, All Rights Reserved .
Active Listening Phrases • Sounds like… • Seems like… • It seems to you… • From where you stand… • You think… • Correct me if I’ve misunderstood… • Let me see if I’m getting this right. . . • You believe… • I’m sensing … • I’m picking up that… • Could it be that… • What I hear you saying is that… • If wonder if you’re feeling… • Let me check this out with you. . . Copyright 2001 Frontier. Works and Karen L. Rancourt, All Rights Reserved .
CAPTAIN COOK CASE • Begin the role play by having the manager explain why • • the meeting has been requested. Continue until a resolution has been reached or time is up, whichever comes first. Try to use listening skills The manager and employee should fill out the left-hand column worksheet. The observers should complete the observer worksheet. Once the worksheets are complete, the manager and the wait person should describe how they felt during the role play and in what ways they acted differently from their usual behavior in the face of conflict. Group discussion Class discussion