University of Iowa College of Engineering Hanson Center

University of Iowa College of Engineering Hanson Center for Technical Communication

Soft Skills for a Hard World October 2013 Copyright 2013 Denise M. Blommel, PLLC

Donald R. Doerres, II Master Engineer University of Iowa BSEE 1973 don@azlaborlaw. com

Denise Blommel Denise M. Blommel, PLLC Attorney/Mediator 7272 E. Indian School Road, Suite 206 Scottsdale, AZ 85251 480 -425 -7272 denise@azlaborlaw. com www. azlaborlaw. com

Technology and the 24/7 Lifestyle

Limited Social Interaction

Work/Life Imbalance

Diversity Differences in Race, Color, National Origin, Religion, Gender, Sexual Orientation, Disability, Age, Veteran Status, Personality and the Way One Thinks.

Key Words • Dialogue • Discussion • Conversation

COMMUNICATE • • • Face To Face Telephone Text Email Social Media

LEVELS OF COMMUNICATION 1. Humor/courtesy 2. Facts/information 3. Expression of opinions, feelings and insights 4. Sharing of deep feelings and personal secrets Meis and Markey-Meis WHEN FAMILIES MARRY

PRINCIPLES OF COMMUNICATION 1. What We Say May Not Be What Is Heard.

Types of Communication • Visual • Aural • Kinesthetic

Peter Senge on Questions • 40% are statements in disguise • 40% are judgments in disguise • 20% are true questions

Venting and Repetition

PRINCIPLES OF COMMUNICATION 2. Messages Contain Thoughts And Emotions.

Why vs. Help Me Understand

PRINCIPLES OF COMMUNICATION 3. How We Physically Respond Is A Better Indicator Than What We Say.

Tone of Voice Body Language Diction

How Many Sentences? I never said that to him.

Sentence Two I really didn’t mean it.

PRINCIPLES OF COMMUNICATION 4. There is an appropriate time and an appropriate place.

DIFFERENCES IN COMMUNICATION • Gender differences • Age differences • Cultural differences • Language barriers • Others?

SOME BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION • • Negotiation Style Perceptions of Fairness Personal Needs Outside Distractions

There is no one right answer for everything…

LISTENING The Chinese Characters for Listening: 1. Ear 2. Eye 3. Heart 4. King Gather Perceive Sense Respect Copyright Covisioning 2001

LISTENING Ear King Eye Heart Copyright Covisioning 2001

Guides to Good Listening • • • BE INTERESTED. WEIGH CONTENT. BE PATIENT. FOCUS ON CENTRAL IDEAS. BE FLEXIBLE. PRACTICE LISTENING. RESIST DISTRACTIONS. EXERCISE THE MIND. KEEP THE MIND OPEN.

There is a difference between understanding another’s position and condoning it.

CONFLICT RESOLUTION

CONFLICT • Conflict is a part of life. • Conflict does not mean failure. • Conflict leads to change and growth

People do not need to agree on beliefs or values but only as to arrangements for the future.

The Iceberg of Conflict Issues _______ Personalities Emotions Interests Needs Desires Self-Perceptions Self-Esteem Hidden Expectations Unresolved Issues from Past Cloke & Goldsmith

Costs of Unresolved Conflict • • • Wasted time Bad decisions Unnecessary restructuring Health costs Formal costs e. g. litigation Job dissatisfaction Dr. Daniel Dana CONFLICT RESOLUTION

Options for Resolving Conflict • Avoidance • Collaboration – Negotiate – Mediate • Higher Authority – Chain of command – Litigate • Unilateral Power Play Slaiku, WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE

Problem Resolution Set • Absolution: Ignore a problem and hope it goes away. • Solution: Do something to produce a positive outcome. • Resolution: Do something to produce the best possible outcome. • Dissolution: Eliminate the cause of the problem. From WHEN FAMILIES MARRY by Finian Meis and Tara Markey-Meis

Seven Steps to Solution

SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. Find the time and place to talk Decide upon ground rules Listen to each other Ascertain issue and core value involved Identify common goals Explore options Make a plan for the future

SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION 1. Find the time and place to talk

The Meeting • • • Invitation to meet Securing a location Eliminate distractions Environmental factors Ensure timing is right

SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION 2. Decide upon ground rules

Sample Ground Rules • • • Be respectful of one another No personal attacks Do not interrupt Try to understand the other’s point of view Confidentiality No reloading

SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION 3. Listen to each other

LISTENING BEHAVIORS • Listen for the Facts • Understand the Speaker (Empathic Listening) • Active Listening • Paraphrase/Summarize to understand

Helpful Phrases • “Help Me Understand” • • “It sounds like…” “It seems like…. ” “We cannot change the past” “One option for resolution is…” “What do you suggest? ” “I really need to understand more…” “What’s it going to take? ” “It is common to react this way when…”

SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION 4. Ascertain issue and core value involved

Focus on Interests • • Interests = Needs + Core Values Wants vs. Needs The story of the orange Reframing – Change the game by changing the frame – Change perception to see new possibilities

SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION 5. Identify common goals

What do we need to accomplish?

SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION 6. Explore options

17 Camels • Elderly tribal chief passes away & leaves his camel herd to his 3 sons • Stipulates the following in his will: – Eldest son to receive 1/2 of herd – Second eldest to receive 1/3 of herd – Youngest to receive 1/9 of herd

17 Camels 3 Sons Visit the Village Elder • • Sons unable to agree on division of camels Each brother presents his issue Each wants fair share of herd Elder tells them she will lend them one camel to resolve the dispute • Only asks that camel be returned when no longer needed

17 Camels Resolution • 1/2 of 18 = 9 • 1/3 of 18 = 6 • 1/9 of 18 = 2 17 • 18 th camel no longer needed • YOUR ROLE -- help find the 18 th camel!

SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION 7. Make a plan for the future

PRINCIPLES OF AGREEMENTS • The Past Can’t be Changed - Focus on Future • Any Settlement is a Gamble - for All Parties.

Questions?