Dealing with Difficult People and Tricky Situations MODULE

Dealing with Difficult People and Tricky Situations MODULE FIVE Janice Davies ATTITUDE SPECIALIST janice@attitudespecialist. co. nz www. attitudespecialist. co. nz 1

Recap • Personal Assessment • Personality Style • Relationship Scenario • Self Esteem

OUTSIDE or INSIDE INTERPRETATION DECODE True or False Fun or Fear EXPRESSION DECISION RESPONSE FEELING Excited or Scared

Communication • Face to face/Telephone/Email • Verbal/non verbal (body language) • Language/dialect

Communication Statistics

Effective Communication Sender Message Receiver What gets in the way? Telephone ringing, talking, radio, background noise, machines, outside noise, fax machine, THINKING/BELIEFS? ?

Pause – Stop - Listen • Stop talking • Show you want to listen – look/act interested • Hold your temper, don’t argue or criticise Your reply = “Thank you. Here’s my view…” • Be patient - allow them time/do not interrupt (depending on situation)

Active Listening • Show you are listening eye contact/nod head/aha’s • Don’t think of your answer while they are talking…. • Rephrase a reply – “So what I heard you saying was…. ”

Miss-interpretation = mistakes “I” statements ü The most powerful word you can use ü Creating your space with words – I THINK this is a possible solution – I FEEL unhappy…. – I AM loving/loveable

Now it’ their turn/opinion/feelings • • • ASK what, where, why, how, when questions Every person unique Every person entitled to thoughts No-one can say you are wrong It is YOUR thoughts Negotiate/compromise

Learning to say “No” • • I’d like to help you but I’m sorry I’ll have to say NO… I have other work scheduled I have alternative appointments That is not part of my job But if you’re unhappy, check with my boss You’ve missed the deadline and I can’t do any more I sent out a reminder notice a few days ago

Empathy Understanding and imaginatively entering into another person’s feelings. I UNDERSTAND…. . how you’re feeling your point of view/ your situation

3 Types of Communication PASSIVE • Signal feeling indirectly (sighing, no eye contact) or ignoring someone • Deny their feelings show in body language • Can force others do make the decision • Make excuses, being indirect when expressing needs

Aggressive • Using more force verbally or physically • Violating other rights through aggression or manipulation • Want to dominate or win • No regard to others • Bullying

Assertive • • Expressing thoughts, feelings, opinions Compromising Honest and direct Considers others Spontaneous Direct – avoids excessive apologies Honest – rely on feelings/owns them

Gender/Age/Cultural issues • • • We are all the same but different Understanding/Accepting Glass Ceiling Men not want female boss Equal or unequal pay Baby Boomers, Gen X & Y

FEEDBACK SANDWICH Based on what I would like you to KEEP doing, STOP doing, START doing WHAT YOU DO THAT I VALUE IS…. . ONE THING I AM HAVING DIFFICULTY WITH IS…… WHAT I WOULD LIKE YOU TO DO INSTEAD IS……. .

Latest Heart Rate Statistics Kees Blaas – Heartmath 2005 - www. heartmath. com Relaxation Stress Appreciation

Results through Appreciation üDrives people and a basic need ü 5 positives to re-balance 1 negative interaction- M Duclos Describe the behaviour – the facts, neutral, without criticism, clear and open “You are sometimes late to work Describe the consequences for you – realistic and concrete “ I have other staff complaining. ” Describe your personal emotions – this behaviour provokes in me, how I feel in a situation “I feel uncomfortable with their constant complaints” WHAT COULD YOU DO TO SOLVE YOUR LATENESS PROBLEM? The other person then decides their new actions

NOW WHAT • What’s happening for you? • What is the difficult person doing?

Next Session • Take some action • Think your situation through with your new knowledge • Observe them and you • Talk to positive support person • Take notes…. do something different www. attitudespecialist. co. nz 21