Makin It Work Transitioning from Corrections to Community

Makin’ It Work Transitioning from Corrections to Community and the World of Work Lesson 9: Expressing Complaints Module IV: Handling Difficult Situations 11/26/2020 © 2008 by Steve Parese, Ed. D.

Words of Wisdom “Say what you mean… Just don’t SAY it mean. ” What do you get out of this? How does it apply to you? 11/26/2020

Today’s Lesson Today’s lesson will teach us a calm, professional way to express a legitimate complaint or concern in a difficult workrelated situation. 1. Read new story about Nick 2. Learn five steps to Expressing Complaints 3. Practice using steps in mock situations 4. Review & Mini. Quiz 11/26/2020

Nick’s Story 3 Let’s read along on page 50. “Nick’s employment counselor helped him get a new job…” Questions after reading: 1. What did Nick do wrong? What should he have done instead? 11/26/2020

About Expressing Complaints Many times, people go into situations overpowered by their emotions or caught up in Thinking Traps. They make situations worse instead of better, because they don’t know how to say what they feel without escalating things. Using these steps is not just about getting something off your chest, but doing it in a professional way that helps the other person understand what you want or need. 11/26/2020

“Expressing Complaints” Steps 1. Stop & Think 2. Ask to Talk 3. Explain without Blame 4. Ask for Help 5. End Positively Discuss specific work-related situations when you might need this skill. 11/26/2020

Expressing Complaints with Nick Let’s help Nick use this skill to do a better job of expressing his complaint. 1. Stop & Think Be sure you are calm and thinking clearly before expressing a complaint. Find THREE places in the story when Nick could (and should) have used this skill. When Nick was getting excited about money he would earn 2. When he opened the envelope and yelled at the payroll clerk. 3. When he walked into Mr. Taylor's office and demanded his money. 1. 11/26/2020

Expressing Complaints with Nick Let’s help Nick use this skill to do a better job of expressing his complaint. 2. Ask to Talk Pick a good time, a private place, and be polite… even if the other person isn’t! Imagine that Nick calms down & knocks on Mr. Taylor’s door. What could he say to “Ask to Talk? ” “Mr. Taylor? Do you have a minute? " 11/26/2020

Expressing Complaints with Nick Let’s help Nick use this skill to do a better job of expressing his complaint. 3. Explain without Blame Be direct, but avoid accusations. Simply explain what happened without blaming the other person for it. What does Nick say in the story that sounds ACCUSATORY? To the clerk: To Mr. Taylor: 11/26/2020 "Where the @#$% is my money? " "You people better--" "I better get the rest of my money!" "If I was threatening you, you'd know it. . . "

3. Explain without Blame Explain problem without accusations or blame. INTRODUCTION: SITUATION: EFFECTS: What you want to talk about. Just the FACTS of the situation. How it is honestly affecting you. Your kids have the day off from school. You’ve left them at home with your teenage sister. They’ve called you 6 times this morning complaining that they’re bored. You feel like screaming at them, but instead you call at lunch and say: “Kids, I want to talk with you about the calls I’m getting at work (introduction). You’ve called me 5 -6 times today complaining that you're bored (situation). To be honest, I’m getting some nasty looks from my boss, and I’m worried that she’ll get mad at me if you call again this afternoon (effects). ” 11/26/2020

“Expressing Complaints” Example #1 Write an “Explain without Blame” statement for this situation. Monday, you asked your boss if you could leave early on Friday afternoon to attend your 14 -year-old son’s first football game. He said, “We’ll see, ” but hasn’t gotten back to you yet. Your son asked you again last night if you’d be there, and you really don’t want to let him down. You FEEL like avoiding the situation, but instead think about what is most important. When the time is right, you ask to talk, then explain without blame: INTRODUCTION: ____________________ SITUATION: _______________________ EFFECTS: _______________________ 11/26/2020

“Expressing Complaints” Example #1 Write an “Explain without Blame” statement for this situation. Monday, you asked your boss if you could leave early on Friday afternoon to attend your 14 -yearold son’s first football game. He said, “We’ll see, ” but hasn’t gotten back to you yet. Your son asked you again last night if you’d be there, and you really don’t want to let him down. "Boss, I want to talk with you about the time off I requested (introduction). On Monday, I asked you about taking off a little early on Friday afternoon, but I haven't heard back from you yet (situation). My son's got his first football game, and I really don't want to let him down (effects). " 11/26/2020

“Expressing Complaints” Example #2 Write an “Explain without Blame” statement for this situation. You work at a large superstore. Earlier today, your coworker Jim saw you laughing with an old friend. He reported you to your supervisor, who told you not to let it happen again. You want to say something to your coworker about talking to you first if there’s a problem. You FEEL like yelling at him, but realize that you’ll just make the situation worse. On your next break, you ask to talk with him, then explain without blame: INTRODUCTION: _____________________ SITUATION: _______________________ EFFECTS: ________________________ 11/26/2020

“Expressing Complaints” Example #2 Write an “Explain without Blame” statement for this situation. You work at a large superstore. Earlier today, your coworker Jim saw you laughing with an old friend. He reported you to your supervisor, who told you not to let it happen again. You want to say something to your coworker about talking to you first if there’s a problem. "Jim, I need to talk with you about something that happened with Mr. Johnson (introduction). He just chewed me out because he found out that I was talking with an old buddy of mine on work time (situation). I don't know who told him, but I gotta be honest. If it was you, I'd appreciate it if you'd come to me with problems before you go to him (effects). " 11/26/2020

Expressing Complaints with Nick Let’s help Nick use this skill to do a better job of expressing his complaint. 3. Explain without Blame Be direct, but avoid accusations. Simply explain what happened without blaming the other person for it. What could Nick say to use these steps with his boss? “Mr. Taylor, I wanted to ask you about ________. " "The fact is ____________________. " "I’m a little upset because 11/26/2020

Expressing Complaints with Nick Let’s help Nick use this skill to do a better job of expressing his complaint. 3. Explain without Blame Be direct, but avoid accusations. Simply explain what happened without blaming the other person for it. What could Nick say to use these steps? “Mr. Taylor, I wanted to ask you about my paycheck. " "The fact is it's about half of what I was expecting to get. " "I’m a little upset because I've got a lot of bills to pay and things I wanted to buy this week. " 11/26/2020

Expressing Complaints with Nick Let’s help Nick use this skill to do a better job of expressing his complaint. 4. Ask for Help Say “I want to work this out, ” then ask for help understanding or solving the problem. What could Nick say to ask for his boss’ help? “I really want to work this out. Can you ______? ” 11/26/2020

Expressing Complaints with Nick Let’s help Nick use this skill to do a better job of expressing his complaint. 4. Ask for Help Say “I want to work this out, ” then ask for help understanding or solving the problem. What could Nick say to ask for his boss’ help? “I really want to work this out. Can you help me understand this? ” 11/26/2020

Expressing Complaints with Nick Let’s help Nick use this skill to do a better job of expressing his complaint. 5. End Positively End on a good note, if possible. If not, at least don’t end on a bad note. What could Nick say, even if things DON’T work out? “Thanks for taking the time to explain it. ” 11/26/2020

Nick’s Story 3 Let’s read along on page 53 as Nick gets a second chance to express his complaint. 11/26/2020

Group Skit Activity How will you Express YOUR Complaint? Think about a difficult situation at work. How can you use these steps to express a legitimate complaint or concern in a professional way? ____________________ Prepare small group skits to role play your stressful work situation and your calm professional response to it. 11/26/2020

KEY POINT #1 It is hard to express a complaint without sounding angry and making the problem worse. Doing it calmly and professionally increases the chance that you will be listened to, and maybe even get what you want. 11/26/2020

KEY POINT #2 Never complain about a problem without a solution in mind. If the other person doesn’t have an answer, you can recommend yours. 11/26/2020

Mini. Quiz #9 Let’s complete the Mini. Quiz in the workbook and review it as a group. 11/26/2020 √

Today’s Words of Wisdom: “Say what you mean… Just don’t SAY it mean. ” How does this fit in with our lesson? What is ONE THING you learned in this class that you will remember after leaving? 11/26/2020

Extra “Expressing Complaints” Examples Write an “Explain without Blame” statement for this situation. You’re the new guy on a crew that is putting up drywall on a construction site, and have had a hard time fitting in. When you open your lunch box today, you see that it is filled with wet spackling compound (“mud”) -- yet another practical joke. When you look over at Joe, he smiles at you. “Hey, no hard feelings, right? Just a joke!” You FEEL like pounding him, but instead you calm down. When the time is right, you ask to talk, then explain without blame: INTRODUCTION: _____________________ SITUATION: _______________________ EFFECTS: ________________________ 11/26/2020

Extra “Expressing Complaints” Examples Write an “Explain without Blame” statement for this situation. You are working as a cashier in a dollar store when an old friend that you haven’t seen since you got locked up suddenly walks in. She is dressed in style, and you can’t help but notice that you are wearing a purple and pink store apron and cap. Later, you find out that she DID see you, and has been telling everybody about it, laughing at you behind your back. You feel like telling her off, but instead you calm down and wait till the time is right. You pull her aside, and explain without blame: INTRODUCTION: _____________________ SITUATION: _______________________ EFFECTS: ________________________ 11/26/2020

Extra “Expressing Complaints” Examples Write an “Explain without Blame” statement for this situation. You have a job washing dishes in a small Italian restaurant. You’re taking a smoke break outside the back door, complaining about tomorrow’s 8: 00 AM appointment with your P. O. Your coworker pulls out a joint, lights up, and asks if you want a hit. “Come on, ” he says. “It won’t kill you!” You shake your head and walk away, as he laughs and calls out “You p----!” You feel like turning around and hitting him, but instead you calm down and go back to work. Later, when the shift is over, you catch him outside and do your best to explain without blame: INTRODUCTION: _____________________ SITUATION: _______________________ EFFECTS: ________________________ 11/26/2020

Extra “Expressing Complaints” Examples Write an “Explain without Blame” statement for this situation. You are interviewing for a job you KNOW you are qualified for. The interviewer looks at your application and notices the section about felony arrests. He closes the folder and looks away, about to end the interview. You feel like walking off, but you’d really like a chance to explain your past and your qualifications. So you calm down, and ask for a chance to talk. Then you do your best to explain without blame: INTRODUCTION: _____________________ SITUATION: _______________________ EFFECTS: ________________________ 11/26/2020

Extra “Expressing Complaints” Examples Write an “Explain without Blame” statement for this situation. You are working a new job, trying to keep to yourself and stay out of trouble. You walk into the kitchen one day to get a cup of coffee before your shift starts. The room suddenly gets quiet, and you notice that everyone seems to be looking at you…. especially “Big Jim, ” the group’s ring leader. Part of you feels like screaming out: “What are you looking at? ” but another part of you just wants to fit in and get along. So you calm down and later ask Jim to talk, trying to explain without blame: INTRODUCTION: _____________________ SITUATION: _______________________ EFFECTS: ________________________ 11/26/2020

Extra “Expressing Complaints” Examples Write an “Explain without Blame” statement for this situation. You are working as a clerk in a convenience store. You are trying to stock the cooler in between customers, and don’t notice the 16 -yearold kid waiting at the counter. He yells out, “Hey! What’s wrong with you? Are you blind? ” You feel like lashing out sarcastically, but instead you ring him up, breathing slowly to stay calm. Although you COULD just let it go, you decide to say something to the boy. As he puts his change way, you do your best to explain without blame: INTRODUCTION: _____________________ SITUATION: _______________________ EFFECTS: ________________________ 11/26/2020