Dating and Relationships The Relationship Spectrum Keeping It

Dating and Relationships The Relationship Spectrum “Keeping It Real” 1

Lesson Objective: The student will be able to identify and define dating. They will identify, analyze, discuss the spectrum healthy and unhealthy relationships as portrayed in the words and actions of others. 2

Lesson Goals: • Identify healthy, unhealthy, and abusive relationships • Identify warning signs/Red Flags for abusive relationships • Resources available to report dating violence 3

What’s 411 in dating reality? • Lets consider the following: – What is “dating”? – What should I look for in a boy/girlfriend? – What does a healthy relationship look like? – What is the Relationship Spectrum? – What are Warning Signs and Red Flags of unhealthy and abusive relationships? 4

What is dating? • “Dating” means different things to different people. How do you define “dating”? 5

Commonly used words to describe “dating” • • Going out Together Being with someone Seeing each other Just friends Friends with benefits Hooking up Regardless of the label you use, you and your partner should both accept the same definition for your relationship. 6

“Dating” two people in an intimate relationship. ~ loveisrespect. org – It may be serious or casual, short-term or longterm. The important thing to remember, dating abuse can occur within any intimate relationship. 7

Types of Dating • You and your friends may or may not use the word “dating”. • As previously discussed people describe dating relationships in different ways. Whatever you call it, “It is important to understand feel comfortable with whatever type of relationship you are in”. 8

Keeping It Real What do look for in a healthy dating relationship? 9

What Should I Look for in a Boy/Girlfriend? • Healthy relationships require: – respect, trust and open communication. • Whether you’re looking for a relationship or are already in one, make sure you and your partner agree on what makes a relationship healthy. It’s not always easy. You can build a healthy relationship! 10

Healthy Relationship • Communication - Listening and talking about feelings without judging. – Make sure you both want and expect the same things • Being on the same page is very important • Speak Up - if something is bothering you, it’s best to respectfully talk about it instead of holding it in • Respect Your Partner – Value your partner’s wishes and feelings – Let your partner know you are making an effort to keep their ideas in mind. – Mutual respect is essential in maintaining healthy relationships. • Compromise - Disagreements are a natural part of healthy relationships, but it’s important that you find a way to compromise if you disagree on something – Try to solve conflicts in a fair and rational way. • Be Supportive - Offer reassurance and encouragement to your partner – Healthy relationships are about building each other up, not putting each other down. • Trust - Respect Each Other’s Privacy – Respect your partner’s rights to have friends, feelings, activities, & opinions that may not include you 11

The Relation ship Spectrum Healthy Respect, good communication, trust, equality Unhealthy Breaks in communication, dishonesty, struggles for control Abusive Accusations, blame shifting, isolation, pressure, manipulation 12

Recognize? Keeping it Real. 1. Sometimes it can be difficult to recognize abuse for what it is. 2. Relationships are full of emotions and it can be tough to take a step back and evaluate the situation. – You may not have a black eye, but that doesn’t mean your partner hasn’t been abusive to you. – Dating abuse comes in a lot of different forms, and doesn’t always leave marks visible to the eye. • So, how can you tell if you (or a friend) are a victim of dating abuse? 13

Warning Signs • Different types of abuse: • Physical abuse: any intentional use of physical force meant to cause fear or injury, like hitting, shoving, biting, strangling, kicking, or using a weapon. • Emotional abuse: non-physical behavior such as threats, insults, humiliation, intimidation, isolation, or stalking. • Sexual abuse: any action that forces undesired sexual behavior on you by another person. This includes making you do anything you don’t want to do sexually, refusing to have safe sex, aggressively pressuring you to go further than you want to sexually, or making you feel badly about yourself sexually. • Social Abuse: Spreading rumors or using blackmail to control a partner’s actions. Keeping a partner “in check” by monitoring their cell phone constantly or using friends to keep tabs on them. Isolating a partner from her/his friends and family. Dating abuse isn't always isolated to one type of abusive. For example, if your partner is physically abusive, it's likely that they're also mentally and emotionally abusive. 14

Are you in an unhealthy relationship? ~ Just Asking ~ Does your boyfriend or girlfriend. . . • Pressure you into a serious relationship or to have sex before you’re ready? • Act jealous or possessive? • Try to control where you go, what you wear, or what you do? • Text or IM you constantly? Harass you online? • Refuse to consider your point of view or desires? • Keep you from talking to or spending time with close friends or family? • Threaten to hurt you or themselves if you leave them? 15

More Red Flags The following warning signs are frequently exhibited by individuals who seek to exert power and control over their partner. • • • ISOLATES you from friends and activities UNREALISTIC expectations of partner’s time and attention Tries to CONTROL you - Tells you how to dress or act PRESSURES you for sex or is “playfully” forceful when intimate JEALOUSY/HYPERSENSITIVE Name calling and PUT DOWNS Sudden MOOD SWINGS SCARES you, threatening behavior Becomes SERIOUS too quickly BLAMES others for problems and mistakes THREATS of violence or past history of violence 16

Did you know? • Up to 60% of all high school graduates have been in an abusive dating relationship. • 1 in 4 teen girls say they have been concerned about being physically hurt by their partner. (www. Stayteen. org) • 1 in 4 teens who have been in a serious relationship say that a boyfriend or girlfriend has tried to prevent them from spending time with friends or family; the same number have been pressured to only spend time with their partner. (Commonwealth of VA, Henrico 2003) (www. Stayteen. org) • Half of teen girls who have experienced sexual pressure report they are afraid the relationship would end if they did not give in. (www. Stayteen. org) • Nearly 1 in 4 girls who have been in a relationship (23%) reported going further sexually than they wanted as a result of pressure. (www. Stayteen. org) 17

What should you? • Support your friend when they talk about the situation • Help your friend find a trusted adult • Go with your friend to school, police, or community support personnel • Call: – Teen Dating Abuse Helpline: 1 -866 -331 -9474 18

Sources • CORA (Community Overcoming Relationship Abuse, www. teenrelationships. org information retrieved 12/30/13 • Google Images, Images retrieved, 12/30/13 • Henrico County Commonwealth’s Attorneys Office, VA – “Open Arms? Open Eyes? ” 2002 • Stayteen. org information retrieved 12/30/13 19