STRENGTHENING RELATIONSHIPS UNIT 2 RELATIONSHIPS FAMILY RELATIONSHIPSWE FIRST

STRENGTHENING RELATIONSHIPS UNIT #2

RELATIONSHIPS FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS-WE FIRST LEARN ABOUT LOVING AND CARING RELATIONSHIPS FROM OUR FAMILIES. IDEALLY EACH CHILD IS NURTURED, RESPECTED AND GROWS TO CARE FOR OTHERS AND DEVELOP STRONG AND HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS. HAVING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS WITH YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND DIFFICULT. FAMILIES IN THE 21 ST CENTURY COME IN ALL SHAPES AND SIZES. NO MATTER WHAT “TYPE” OF FAMILY YOU HAVE, THERE ARE GOING TO BE HIGHS AND LOW-GOOD TIMES AND BAD. IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO BEGIN THE PROCESS OF IMPROVING FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS BY DEVELOPING SOME SKILLS SUCH AS COMMUNICATION SKILLS. FAMILIES NEED TO BE UNITS OF MUTUAL CARING AND SUPPORT; THEY CAN BE SOURCES OF LIFELONG STRENGTH FOR ALL INDIVIDUALS.

FRIENDSHIPS- A FRIEND IS DEFINED AS A PERSON WHO YOU KNOW WELL AND REGARD WITH AFFECTION, TRUST AND RESPECT. CASUAL RELATIONSHIPS- ARE FORMED WITH PEOPLE YOU ENCOUNTER EVERYDAY—ANYONE WHO IS NOT A FRIEND, ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP, OR FAMILY MEMBER. FOR EXAMPLE: A DOCTOR, TEACHER, CLASSMATE, ETC. ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS- ANY RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE WITH THE DESIRE TO BECOME INTIMATE WITH EACH OTHER. BOTH PARTNERS MUST FEEL ATTRACTION TO EACH OTHER.

DIFFERENT TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS FRIENDSHIP TEAMMATE BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND BOSS- WORKER ACQUAINTANCE MENTOR PARENT-CHILD SIBLING NEIGHBOR CO-WORKER TEACHER-STUDENT CLASSMATE

• AUTHENTICITY • ACHIEVEMENT CORE VALUES • ADVENTURE • AUTHORITY • AUTONOMY • BALANCE • BEAUTY • BOLDNESS • COMPASSION • CHALLENGE • CITIZENSHIP • COMMUNITY • COMPETENCY • CONTRIBUTION • CREATIVITY • CURIOSITY • Determination • Fairness • Faith • Fame • Friendships • Fun • Respect • Responsibility • Security • Self-Respect • Service • Spirituality • Stability • Success • Status • Trustworthiness • Wealth • Wisdom • Growth • Happiness • Honesty • Humor • Influence • Inner Harmony • Justice • Kindness • Knowledge • Leadership • Learning • Love • Loyalty • Meaningful Work • Openness • Optimism • Peace • Pleasure • Poise • Popularity • Recognition • Religion • Reputation

RELATIONSHIP CHARACTERISTICS

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COMMUNICATION ALTHOUGH IT MAY SEEM SIMPLE, COMMUNICATION IS A COMPLEX PROCESS. COMMUNICATION IS AN EXCHANGE OF INFORMATION BETWEEN TWO OR MORE PEOPLE. IT IS A TWO-WAY PROCESS THAT INVOLVES BOTH SENDING AND RECEIVING MESSAGES. THE SENDER TRANSMITS OR SENDS THE MESSAGE (THE SENDER NEEDS SKILLS IN SENDING CLEAR AND ACCURATE MESSAGES). THE RECEIVER HEARS AND INTERPRETS THE MESSAGE (THE RECEIVER NEEDS SKILLS IN LISTENING TO THE MESSAGE AND INTERPRETING IT CORRECTLY). FEEDBACK IS A SIGN BACK TO THE SENDER THAT THE MESSAGE IS UNDERSTOOD. GOOD COMMUNICATION OCCURS WHEN THE SENDER OF THE MESSAGE AND THE RECEIVER END UP WITH A SHARED MEANING ABOUT THE MESSAGEI. N OTHER WORDS, THEY BOTH UNDERSTAND THE MEANING OF THE MESSAGE.

TYPES OF COMMUNICATION NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION – A WAY OF SENDING AND VERBAL COMMUNICATION – IS THE USE OF WORDS TO SEND AND RECEIVE MESSAGES. SPEAKING AND WRITING RECEIVING MESSAGES WITHOUT USING WORDS. THIS INCLUDES ARE FORMS OF VERBAL COMMUNICATION. YOUR BODY LANGUAGE SUCH AS FACIAL EXPRESSIONS, EYE CONTACT AND ENVIRONMENT INFLUENCES THE WORDS YOU USE AND THE WAY YOU USE THEM GESTURE. YOUR CULTURE, BACKGROUND AND PAST EXPERIENCES CAN INFLUENCE HOW YOU INTERPRET BODY LANGUAGE. TO EXPRESS YOURSELF. FOR EXAMPLE, FROM YOUR FAMILY, YOU LEARNED A CERTAIN LANGUAGE, YOU PROBABLY USE A MORE INFORMAL LANGUAGE WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND THE REGION OF THE COUNTRY WHERE YOU LIVE INFLUENCES THE WAY YOU SPEAK.

RECEIVING MESSAGES FOR GOOD COMMUNICATION TO OCCUR, YOU NEED TO SPEAK AND LISTEN WELL. YOU RECEIVE MESSAGES IN TWO PARTS. FIRST YOU TAKE IN THE MESSAGE AND THEN YOU INTERPRET IT. WHEN PEOPLE JUST TAKE IN MESSAGES, THEY ARE USING PASSIVE LISTENINGT. HIS MEANS THEY ARE HEARING WORDS WITHOUT ALWAYS LISTENING. HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN THE PERSON YOU ARE TALKING TO DOES NOT RESPOND? THE PERSON DOES NOT SMILE, NOD OR COMMENTY. OU CAN BE CERTAIN THAT YOU ARE INTERPRETING A MESSAGE CLEARLY WHEN YOU USE ACTIVE LISTENING. THIS MEANS YOU GIVE THE SENDER SOME TYPE OF SIGN THAT YOU ARE LISTENING. THE FEEDBACK MIGHT BE A SHORT VERBAL RESPONSE SUCH AS “YES”, CHECKING OUT (“DID YOU SAY HIS CAR WAS WRECKED? ”) OR REFLECTING W (“HAT I HEAR YOU SAYING IS……”).

EXPRESSING YOURSELF DO YOU EVER HAVE A HARD TIME TELLING SOMEONE HOW YOU REALLY FEEL? MAYBE A FRIEND ASKED TO BORROW YOUR CARY. OU WERE NOT SURE HOW TO SAY NO WITHOUT HURTING HIS OR HER FEELINGSY. OU LET YOUR FRIEND USE YOUR CAR BUT YOU WORRIED THE WHOLE TIME IT WAS GONE. USING I-STATEMENTS TO EXPRESS YOUR THOUGHTS, FEELINGS AND IDEAS CAN HELP YOU SPEAK FOR YOURSELF – FROM YOUR POINT OF VIEWU. SING THESE STATEMENTS GIVES YOU RESPONSIBILITY AND CONTROL OVER WHAT YOU COMMUNICATE TO OTHERS. FOR EXAMPLE: “I SEE THAT YOU WANT TO BORROW MY CAR. I’VE WORKED HARD TO MAKE THE CAR LOOK NICE. I FEEL WORRIED WHEN SOMEONE WANTS TO USE MY CAR. I’M AFRAID THAT PERSON MAY HAVE AN ACCIDENT WITH IT. I REALLY DON’T WANT TO LEND MY CAR. I PLAN TO STICK TO MY POLICY OF NOT LENDING IT TO ANYONE”.

COMMUNICATION ACTIVITY- I STATEMENTS

HTTPS: //WWW. YOUTUBE. COM/WATCH? V=EIHO 2 S 0 ZAHI TEDTALK: HOW TO SPEAK SO PEOPLE LISTEN.

REFLECTION #12 WRITE A SHORT RESPONSE TORELATIONSHIPS AND COMMUNICATION THAT WE HAVE COVERED THE LAST COUPLE CLASSES. IDENTIFY AND MAKE CONNECTIONS TO YOUR PERSONAL LIVES.

FACTORS AFFECTING COMMUNICATION YOUR SELF-ESTEEM: LOW SELF ESTEEM - PEOPLE WITH LOW SELF-ESTEEM SEND AND INTERPRET MESSAGES DIFFERENTLY THAN THOSE WITH HIGH SELF-ESTEEMT. HEY: - MAY NOT BE SURE OF THEIR OWN FEELINGS - OFTEN AVOID DIRECT EYE CONTACT, WHICH PREVENTS THEM FROM ACCURATELY SENDING AND RECEIVING MESSAGES - MAY FEAR THAT OTHERS WILL REJECT THEM AND THEIR IDEAS, SO THEY ARE AFRAID TO LET OTHERS KNOW WHAT THEY REALLY THINK AND FEEL.

NEGATIVE COMMUNICATION PATTERNS –WHEN THEIR SELF-ESTEEM IS LOW, PEOPLE TEND TO COMMUNICATE IN NEGATIVE PATTERNS. THEY MAY USE THE FOLLOWING PATTERNS TO AVOID SAYING HOW THEY REALLY THINK OR FEEL: - LYING (PEOPLE ARE NOT HONEST, DO NOT SHARE OBSERVATIONS, THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS IN AN ACCURATE WAY) - BLAMING (PEOPLE ACCUSE OTHERS FOR EVERYTHING THAT GOES WRONG TO COVER UP THEIR LOW SELF ESTEEM) - PLACATING (PEOPLE WILL DO OR SAY SOMETHING JUST TO PLEASE OTHERS OR TO KEEP THEM FROM GETTING UPSET. IT IS EASIER AND DOESN’T THREATEN THEIR ALREADY LOW SELF-ESTEEM) - DISTRACTING (PEOPLE JUST IGNORE UNPLEASANT SITUATIONS BECAUSE IT IS EASIER THAN RISKING AN ATTACK ON THEIR LOW SELF-ESTEEM) AS SELF-ESTEEM INCREASES, SO DOES THE ABILITY TO COMMUNICATE CLEARLYP. EOPLE WITH STRONG FEELINGS OF VALUE AND SELF WORTH USUALLY FEEL GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES AND ARE NOT AFRAID TO SHARE THEIR PERSONAL THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS WITH OTHERS.

YOUR EMOTIONAL STATE BEFORE TRYING TO COMMUNICATE YOU NEED TO RECOGNIZE YOUR EMOTIONAL STATE. INTENSE EMOTIONS CAN GET IN THE WAY OF SHARING COMPLEX THOUGHTS AND IDEAS. IF YOUR EMOTIONS ARE INTENSE, LET THE OTHER PERSON KNOW YOU NEED TIME TO SORT OUT YOUR FEELINGS BEFORE DISCUSSING THE ISSUE. YOU CAN THINK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS, WHAT CAUSED THEM, AND HOW TO CONTROL THEM. YOU CAN ALSO AVOID UPSETTING THE OTHER PERSONI. F YOU FEEL CALMER YOU WILL HAVE A GREATER SUCCESS AT COMMUNICATING A MESSAGE OTHERS UNDERSTAND.

YOUR ENVIRONMENT THE ENVIRONMENT IN WHICH YOU COMMUNICATE CAN AFFECT THE COMMUNICATION PROCESS. FOR EXAMPLE: - THE TIME OF DAY OR THE AMOUNT OF TIME YOU HAVE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE - A RELAXED ATMOSPHERE HELPS GOOD COMMUNICATION TAKE PLACE - A BUSY OR NOISY ENVIRONMENT MAKES IT HARDER - FATIGUE OR ILLNESS CAN KEEP A PERSON FROM SHOWING INTEREST - DISTANCE BETWEEN THE TWO WHO ARE COMMUNICATING MAKES IT HARDER TO INTERPRET BODY LANGUAGE AND NONVERBAL SIGNALS - COMMUNICATING VIA THE INTERNET OR EVEN OVER THE PHONE MAKES IT HARDER TO GET A COMPLETE PICTURE OF THE SENDER’S TOTAL MESSAGE. AN ENVIRONMENT THAT ALLOWS DIRECT EYE CONTACT AND A CHANCE TO READ NONVERBAL SIGNALS WILL PROMOTE THE MOST ACCURATE INTERPRETATION OF THE SENDER’S MESSAGE.

COMMUNICATION BARRIERS TWO OF THE MOST COMMON OTHER BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION ARE CLOSED MINDS AND PREJUDICE: PEOPLE WITH CLOSED MINDS SHUT OR IGNORE OPINIONS AND BELIEFS THAT ARE DIFFERENT FROM THEIR OWN. AS RECEIVERS THEY MAY FILTER OUT INFORMATION THEY DO NOT WANT TO HEAR. THEY TUNE OUT THE MESSAGE THE SENDER IS TRYING TO SHARE. PREJUDICE OCCURS WHEN A PERSON FORMS OPINIONS ABOUT OTHERS WITHOUT COMPLETE KNOWLEDGE OR FACTS. TO OVERCOME THESE BARRIERS YOU CAN: - KEEP AN OPEN MIND - OVERCOME PREJUDICE OF OTHERS BY ASKING QUESTIONS AND GETTING ALL THE FACTS BEFORE FORMING AN OPINION. - TRY TO UNDERSTAND ACCEPT OTHERS DIFFERENCES.

GROUP ACTIVITY – IN YOUR GROUP DISCUSS THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS: 1. WHAT IMPACT ON COMMUNICATION DO YOU THINK CURRENT TECHNOLOGIES HAVE? 2. HOW DO SOME OF THE COMMUNICATION TECHNOLOGIES WE USE (CELL PHONES, E-MAIL) AFFECT THE SHARING OF EMOTIONS? 3. HOW DO THEY IMPACT THE FEEDBACK WE GET DURING COMMUNICATION TO MAKE SURE WE REACH A SHARED MESSAGE? 4. DO YOU THINK THESE TECHNOLOGIES MAKE IT HARDER OR EASIER TO CARRY ON CLEAR, DIRECT COMMUNICATIONS THAT ARE INTERPRETED AS THE SENDER INTENDED.

ACTIVITY HANDOUT – BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION

SKILLS FOR CONFLICT RESOLUTION MANY PROBLEMS OCCUR IN RELATIONSHIPS BECAUSE OFPOOR COMMUNICATION. A MESSAGE MAY NOT HAVE BEEN SENT CLEARLY. SOMETIMES THE MESSAGE IS MISINTERPRETED OR NOT RECEIVED ACCURATELY. AS A RESULT PEOPLE DISAGREE OR ARGUE. FEELINGS GET HURT. WHEN CONFLICT OCCURS, IT IS IMPORTANT TO RESTORE GOOD COMMUNICATION AND POSITIVE FEELINGS. IF LEFT UNRESOLVED, CONFLICTS CAN THREATEN RELATIONSHIPS.

CONFLICTS OCCUR WHEN ANY TWO PEOPLE DISAGREE ON SOME ISSUE. SOME CONFLICT IS A NORMAL PART OF MOST RELATIONSHIPS. EVEN WHEN PEOPLE ATTEMPT TO COMMUNICATE CLEARLY, CONFLICT CAN OCCUR. ALTHOUGH CONFLICT OCCURS FOR MANY REASONS, IT IS OFTEN DUE TO DIFFERENT PERSONAL VALUES. FRIENDS MAY ARGUE OVER WHERE TO EAT, AN EMPLOYER MAY FEEL AN EMPLOYEE IS SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME TALKING TO FRIENDS, FAMILY MEMBERS MAY DISAGREE OVER WHERE TO VACATION. BECAUSE PEOPLE HAVE DIFFERENT PERSONALITIES, WANTS AND NEEDS, CONFLICT IS COMMON.

PEOPLE OFTEN RESPOND TO A DISAGREEMENT BY ARGUINGT. HIS NEGATIVE FORM OF COMMUNICATION IS USED TO PROTECT THEIR SELF-ESTEEM. IT ATTACKS THE PERSON, NOT THE PROBLEM. NAME-CALLING AND BLAMING ARE TWO TYPES OF YOUSTATEMENTS COMMONLY USED IN ARGUMENTS. FOR EXAMPLE, “YOU ARE SO STUPID!” OR “ YOU NEVER HELP OUT!”BOTH ARE DESTRUCTIVE TO A RELATIONSHIP AS THEY CREATE MORE HOSTILITY. THE REAL CONFLICT IS LEFT UNRESOLVED.

CONFLICT RESOLUTION CONFLICTS CANNOT ALWAYS BE ELIMINATED FROM CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS, BUT THEY CAN BE CONTROLLED. CONFLICT RESOLUTION IS A SKILL THAT CAN HELP YOU RESOLVE CONFLICTS IN A POSITIVE WAY. IT ENCOURAGES A BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF THE OTHER PERSON’S POINT OF VIEW. OVERALL, IT HELPS YOU AND THE OTHER PERSON DEAL WITH THE ISSUE AND REACH A FAIR SOLUTION.

THE FOLLOWING GUIDELINES CAN SET THE STAGE FOR CONFLICT RESOLUTION TO OCCUR: - BRING THE CONFLICT INTO THE OPEN AS SOON AS POSSIBLE FIND THE RIGHT TIME AND PLACE TO DISCUSS THE ISSUES STAY CALM. SPEAK WITH A MODERATE TONE AND AT A MODERATE PACE USE I-MESSAGES TO STATE YOUR THOUGHTS, FEELINGS AND IDEAS STICK TO THE SUBJECT. DON’T BRING UP OTHER ISSUES BE SPECIFIC IN STATING THE FACTS THAT RELATE TO THE PROBLEM AVOID YOU-MESSAGES. NAME CALLING, BLAMING OR ACCUSING MESSAGES WON’T SOLVE THE PROBLEM DON’T WALK AWAY FROM THE DISCUSSION RECOGNIZE AND ACCEPT THE OTHER’S FEELINGS, IDEAS AND OPINIONS KEEP YOUR EMOTIONS UNDER CONTROL BE AN ACTIVE LISTENER WHEN THE OTHER PERSON SPEAKS TRY TO COMPROMISE IN REACHING A SOLUTION

ONCE THE STAGE IS SET, THE FOLLOWING STEPS MUST BE TAKEN TO RESOLVE A CONFLICT SUCCESSFULLY:

1. IDENTIFY THE PROBLEM –USING GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS SUCH AS I-STATEMENTS AND ACTIVE LISTENING CAN HELP TO IDENTIFY THE PROBLEM. IT IS IMPORTANT TO TAKE TIME AND ANALYZE AND IDENTIFY THE REAL PROBLEM BEFORE TAKING ANY ACTION.

2. IDENTIFY WHO OWNS THE PROBLEM –THE PERSON BOTHERED BY THE SITUATION OWNS THE PROBLEM. IF THE PROBLEM AFFECTS OR DISTURBS MORE THAN ONE PERSON, BOTH PEOPLE SHARE IT JOINTLY.

3. ACCEPT OWNERSHIP OF THE PROBLEM –IF TWO PEOPLE OWN THE PROBLEM, THEY MUST WORK TOGETHER TO FIND A SOLUTIONS. OMETIMES ONLY ONE PERSON ACCEPTS THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR A JOINT PROBLEM. IN THIS CASE, REACHING A SOLUTION THAT IS FAIR TO BOTH PEOPLE IS OFTEN DIFFICULT.

• 4. SOLVE THE PROBLEM –WHEN A PROBLEM IS JOINTLY OWNED, NEGOTIATION IS NEEDED TO RESOLVE THE SITUATION. NEGOTIATION IS A COMMUNICATION PROCESS IN WHICH PEOPLE ALTERNATE BETWEEN SENDING AND RECEIVING MESSAGES. THE PURPOSE IS TO REACH AN AGREEABLE SOLUTION. SOMETIMES REACHING AN AGREEABLE SOLUTION IS NOT ALWAYS EASY. ONE-SIDED THINKING CAN HINDER NEGOTIATION. SOMETIMES ONE PERSON TAKES A STAND REFUSES TO RECOGNIZE THE OTHER’S POINT OF VIEW. THEN A SOLUTION THAT IS SATISFACTORY TO BOTH CANNOT BE REACHED. PEOPLE CAN OVERCOME OBSTACLES DURING THE NEGOTIATION PROCESS THROUGH COMPROMISE IS A GIVE AND TAKE METHOD THAT ALLOWS BOTH PEOPLE TO EXPRESS THEMSELVESN. O ONE PERSON WINS OR LOSES. BOTH GIVE IN A LITTLE TO REACH A SOLUTION THAT IS WORKABLE TO EACH.

• **ACTIVITY HANDOUT – WHO OWNS THE PROBLEM?

REMOVING NEGATIVE SELF TALK | ABRIA JOSEPH | TEDXYOUTH@NIST

QUIZ REVIEW-TUESDAY **ACTIVITY – COMMUNICATION CROSSWORD PUZZLE