LIFE Life is a journey of learning and

LIFE “Life is a journey of learning and it evolves as a series of experiences”

LIFE’S LEARNING CYCLE Experience Learn In learning, we get closure and completion and we gain understanding and wisdom. Reflect Humans are successful learners: 108 BUT SOMETIMES WE GET STUCK…

LIFE’S LEARNING CYCLE Experience Learn Reflect REFLECTION GETS STUCK LEARNING CEASES THERE IS NO CLOSURE OR COMPLETION

THE ANATOMY OF AN EXPERIENCE Event + Emotion EXPERIENCE = Facts + Feelings FACTS HAPPEN EVENTS COME AND GO BUT WHAT ABOUT FEELINGS?

THE FLOW OF FEELINGS Beginning Middle End Feelings change effortlessly from one state to another Our ever-changing frame of mind FEELINGS: Our perspective The way we look at things What happens when we get stuck? …

FLOW OF FEELINGS-GETTING STUCK When we get stuck we have 4 options: Beginning End Middle 1. Get them moving-to resolution 2. Dissociate 2 a). Externalise them -Often at a target 2 b). Internalise them- put them into the baggage pile The baggage pile represents unfinished issues that we put to the back of our minds We file the issues in the: • Angry folder • Fear folder • Shame folder The issues in the baggage pile are from: Today Last month Yesterday Age 14 The “baggage pile” Age 6 Last year Last week Last relationship

THE “BAGGAGE PILE” The issues in the baggage pile are from a variety of sources: Personal Family Tribal Racial Gender Archetypal !The trouble is, issues keep flipping up to the surface, especially when there is a trigger! Triggers reactivate old feelings or outmoded coping strategies. If there is too much in the baggage pile you sink down into despair

THE DENIAL MECHANISM Fearful Insecure Neurotic Emotionally Imbalanced

YIN & YANG (CHINESE COSMOLOGY) Whatever body we wear, we are all part masculine and part feminine Men ~ Masculine > Feminine YANG • Light • Hot • Dry • Outward-going • Penetrating Women ~ Feminine > Masculine YIN • Dark • Cool • Moist • Receptive

WHY MEN CAN ONLY DO ONE THING AT A TIME, AND WOMEN NEVER STOP TALKING! (Barbara & Allen Pease) When men are under pressure they: These are the 4 mechanisms we use to reinforce denial: Invade another country 1. PROJECTION Drink Alcohol 2. BLOT OUT When women are under pressure they: Go shopping Eat chocolate 3. DISTRACTION 4. COMFORT BEHAVIOUR

PALLIATION The 4 mechanisms we use to reinforce denial: 1. Projection 2. Blot Out 3. Distraction Can become HABITS ADDICTIONS 4. Comfort Behaviour The trouble is, these mechanisms only palliate the issue They don’t heal the it in the long-term

REFLECTION Completion Reflection is the process by which we gain: Reflection needs: Closure Understanding Wisdom Time, Intention, & Support comes from a variety of sources: • Life • People • Telling your story • Nature • Music • Exercise • Dance • Ironing/Cleaning