Leading with Resilience Sharon Saia MSW LISWS Director

Leading with Resilience Sharon Saia, MSW, LISW-S Director, Ohio State Employee Assistance Program 1

Agenda • What is Resilience? • What can you do TODAY to be more Resilient? • Basic skills for increasing your Resilience and Fostering Resilience • Resources

Resilience is a Response The capacity to recover quickly from difficulties: Toughness The ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape: Elasticity Adaptability

Building Resilience

The Good News! • Positive Reframing of Situations • Stress Management • Gratitude • Attitude of Curiosity/Wonder • Socializing • Mindfulness

10 WAYS TO BUILD RESILIENCY 1. Make connections 2. Avoid seeing crisis as insurmountable problems 3. Accept that change is part of living 4. Move toward your goals 5. Take decisive actions 6. Look for opportunities for self-discovery 7. Nurture a positive view of self Lean In to Find 8. Keep things in perspective Your 9. Maintain a hopeful outlook Resilience 10. Take care of yourself Tip sheet with Source: American Psychological Association ideas for each

What resilience skills do I need? Learning resiliency helps us to utilize the small amounts of recovery time appropriately and effectively. 4 skills all resilient people have • • Believe in yourself Realistic optimism (see what can be but also what is) Have control over your impulses and feelings You aim high, reach out

REFLECTION Increased awareness of your own resilience: • Think of an accomplishment you are proud of. • How did it make you feel about you? • What did you learn about yourself? • Now write this part of you on the front of the card

Call on your resilient self

Give yourself permission and accept that… Some things are out of my control • Life happens… • It’s not all or nothing • We are not meant to be perfect and no one is Change requires commitment I can choose how I want to respond

Be Aware A lot of difficult conversations is about managing yourself 1. Your emotions and reactions You can choose how you respond to what you are feeling • Control your impulse to react defensively • Check to see if you are taking things personally 2. Your presence How are you coming across to others? • People will react to your presence Maintaining a healthy stress level outside of the conversation can help you better manage difficult conversations once in them

Body language and voice tone are key! Maintain positive non-verbal language: Open Relaxed Calm Assertive

In the Moment 4: 4: 4

Diffuse intense emotions Accept responsibility: “I accept partial responsibility for…” Offer to help: “What can I do to help? ” Paraphrase: “I am sorry you feel (that way)…” “I am sorry that you think (the charges are so high)…” Agree: “I agree this needs to be solved…” Time out: “I can tell you’re very upset. That’s understandable. I can’t listen to you when you’re (using that tone of voice). Why don’t we come back to this when we can both be cool about things. ”

I Feel Statements I feel _____(Feeling Word)____ When _____(What happened-Specific facts)_______ Because _______(How did it affect you)_____ Would you mind______(Request for change)______ (OR…What do you think? ) ***Plus a Positive*** (Compliment Sandwich)

When Listening… 1. Focus on what they are saying: Really try to understand his/her point of view without thinking about what you want to say 2. Be aware of body language and non-verbals: Eye contact, tone of voice, facial expressions, posture. 3. Repeat: Mirror back some of what was said. 4. Paraphrase: This shows the speaker if you have correctly understood the message 5. Validate and Empathize (Listen for feelings) I understand how you would feel…(Feeling word) I see you are _____ That sounds ______

Great Empathetic Statements • • • Oh, I feel you. I know that feeling and it sucks. Me too. You’re not alone. I’ve been in a similar place and it’s really hard. I think a lot of us experience that. Either we’re all normal or we’re all weird. Either way, it’s not just you. • I understand what that’s like. - Dare to Lead, Brené Brown p. 160

Difficult Conversations Avoid ‘You statements’: “You always wait until the last minute to turn these reports in !!&#!? ” (yell, slam door, curse) I statement: “I feel frustrated when you do not complete a report on time because then I have to rush to finish my work by the deadline. Would you mind trying to get it to me a little sooner? I do notice that they are always very thorough and concise. I appreciate that. ”

Braving Inventory Boundaries: You respect my boundaries, and when you’re not clear about what’s okay and not okay, you ask. You’re willing to say no. Reliability: You do what you say you’ll do. At work, this means staying aware of your competencies and limitations so you don’t overpromise and are able to deliver on commitments and balance competing priorities. Accountability: You own your mistakes, apologize, and make amends. Vault: You don’t share information or experiences that are not yours to share. I need to know that my confidences are kept, and that you’re not sharing with me any information about other people that should be confidential. Integrity: You choose courage over comfort. You choose what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy. And you choose to practice your values rather than simply professing them. Nonjudgement: I can ask for what I need, and you an ask for what you need. We can talk about how we feel without judgement. Generosity: You extend the most generous interpretation possible to the intentions, words and actions of others.

Exercise BRAVING Inventory Boundaries Reliability Accountability Integrity Nonjudgment Generosity

TRUST “When it comes to work, we’re afraid of being judged for a lack of knowledge or lack of understanding. We hate asking for help. But that’s where is gets wild. We asked thousands of leaders…what do your team members do that earns your trust? The most common answer: asking for help. When it comes to people who do not habitually ask for help, the leaders we polled explained that they would not delegate important work to them because the leaders did not trust that they would raise their hands and ask for help. Mind. Blown. ” - Brené Brown 22

Resiliency Goals Identify one thing you would like to work on to build your resilience Write it down. Be specific https: //www. huffingtonpost. com/ marymorrissey/the-power-ofwriting-down_b_12002348. html

Resources Employee Assistance Program Resources, consultation, training and critical incidents Email us at EAP@osumc. edu Gateway to Learning resources Build Resiliency Difficult Conversations Manage Stress and Support Wellness Emotional Intelligence online course in