CARING TOO MUCH The Value of Maintaining Therapeutic

“ CARING TOO MUCH” The Value of Maintaining Therapeutic Boundaries in Our Work Presentation by Elizabeth Causton, MSW

In our work, ‘caring too much’ is very different from ‘caring a lot’ When we become over-involved emotionally, it often means that the family’s story has become our story, or a reflection of our story and as a result, we risk creating confusion in th family dance and additional stress for ourselves

When we have clarity about where we are coming from, as well as respect for personal boundaries … we will find that we can feel deeply, and still think clearly, and act wisely in our work

The Heart/Mind Balance We do not get lost in sympathy and grief nor do we remain cool and distant

Every family has a dance n Every family dance has a (long!) history n Every step taken on every family ‘dance floor’ has a reason in the context of that history

When one member of the family dance begins to do their part of the dance differently, the whole dance changes

Remember that nothing exposes ‘fault lines’ on a family dance floor like crisis and change Dealing with the crisis may also mean dealing with what is being revealed by the crisis

If family members see us as an audience, no wonder they might be n Shy around us n Hypersensitive to criticism n Trying to put their best foot forward

When we see people struggling with a difficult or painful dance, it can be tempting to want to get out on their dance floor to: n ‘Fix’ the dance n Direct the dancers n Give them ‘our’ solution to ‘their’ problem n Imply that there is a right or wrong way to approach their disease, treatment, decision making process, death, grief

If we find ourselves frequently labeling families as those who ‘dance well’ and those who ‘don’t dance well’… we need to understand THE HEAVEN AND HELL OF TEAM

The value of our role is to stand on the edge of the dance floor n To observe …from our perspective n To comment…on what we see, as appropriate n To normalize…the sense of loss, the emotional responses, and the challenges

Therapeutic Distance n Knowing where we stand in relationship to the people we are working with n It means that we don’t get ‘lost’ in our work

Signs that we may be on someone else’s dance floor n Extremes n Finding of emotional response it hard to ‘share’ n Needing to control decisions made by the patient or family

HOOKS The often unconscious attachments or associations we make with people who remind of us of a person or a relationship (perhaps still unresolved) on our own dance floor n Until we identify the pattern involved, we may find ourselves repeatedly ‘hooked’ onto other people’s dance floors n

How can we be more clear about where we stand in our work? n By being clear and honest about our own needs n By learning to see and value our own dance n By consciously striving to be in a dance that supports and nurtures us

“How would it change the dance if we all approached the lives of others and engaged in our own lives knowing that we are all intrinsically well and inherently whole, in need only of being drawn forth into the discovery of our own unabashed completeness? ” Saki Santorelli from “Heal Thyself”