Wisdom in Marriage and Parenting Wisdom of Solomon

Wisdom in Marriage and Parenting

Wisdom of Solomon 7: 21 -30 : I learned both what is secret and what is manifest, 22: for wisdom, the fashioner of all things, taught me. For in her there is a spirit that is intelligent, holy, unique, manifold, subtle, mobile, clear, unpolluted, distinct, invulnerable, loving the good, keen, irresistible, 23: beneficent, humane, steadfast, sure, free from anxiety, all-powerful, overseeing all, and penetrating through all spirits that are intelligent and pure and most subtle. 24: For wisdom is more mobile than any motion; because of her pureness she pervades and penetrates all things. 25: For she is a breath of the power of God, and a pure emanation of the glory of the Almighty; therefore nothing defiled gains entrance into her. 26: For she is a reflection of eternal light, a spotless mirror of the working of God, and an image of his goodness. 27: Though she is but one, she can do all things, and while remaining in herself, she renews all things; in every generation she passes into holy souls and makes them friends of God, and prophets; 28: for God loves nothing so much as the man who lives with wisdom. 29: For she is more beautiful than the sun, and excels every constellation of the stars. Compared with the light she is found to be superior, 30: for it is succeeded by the night, but against wisdom evil does not prevail. 21

Proverbs 2: 3 -6 Yes, if you cry out for discernment, and lift up your voice for understanding, 4 If you seek her as silver, and search for her as for hidden treasures; 5 Then you will understand the fear of the LORD, and find the knowledge of God. 6 For the LORD gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding n Like mining for gold (Job 28) n A truly wise person is always seeking it and never stops 3

Marriage

The character of the husband the wife (I) n n n 11: 22 As a ring of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a lovely woman who lacks discretion. 14: 1 The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands. 10: 13 -b the contentions of a wife are a continual dripping. 21: 9 and 25: 24 Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman. 27: 15 A continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike 30: 23 Earth is perturbed [troubled] by a hateful woman when she is married

The character of the husband the wife (II) Why do these verses only talk about the wife as opposed to the husband or at least about both? n It is assumed that the husband is already not lacking discretion; wise and not foolish; and is not contentious. So yes this is a message for the wives, but it is a louder message for the husbands! n – As the spiritual leader of the family, how bad would it be if the head of the family lacks discretion! He can bring his family to destruction and for generations to follow. – As the spiritual leader of the family, how bad would it be if the head of the family is foolish or is a tyrant? How can he expect his children to grow up wise (fearing God)? The Crowning Ceremony. n So the verses apply to both! n

My son hear the instructions of your father and do not forsake the law of your mother (Proverbs 1: 8) (I) The readings in the crowning ceremony 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5: 22 -24) n The #1 need for a man is: n n – to feel respected and trusted; that he has got what it takes. That his wife thinks he is capable. n If a wife does not respect her husband does not show him that she trusts him and that she believes that he is capable, this household is in trouble.

My son hear the instructions of your father and do not forsake the law of your mother (Proverbs 1: 8) (II) n n n Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her. (Ephesians 5: 25) Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 st Peter 3: 7) The #1 need of a woman is: – to feel that she is loved and that she is a source of delight. That her husband thinks she is lovely. If a husband does not love his wife and show her that she is lovely and a source of delight for him and treats her delicately with honor, this household is in trouble. This need does not go away, so we need to always be aware of this #1 need ins our spouse and to feed it.

The Main purpose of marriage is? n n n 1: 7 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction. 4: 13 Take firm hold of instruction, do not let go; keep her, for she is your life. 8: 33 Hear instruction and be wise, and do not disdain it. 10: 17 He who keeps instruction is in the way of life, but he who refuses correction goes astray. 13: 1 A wise son heeds his father’s instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke. 12: 1 Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.

The Main purpose of marriage is? n Naturally when I marry someone and we start living together in the same home day and night, we eat together, we sleep together, we talk together… – this person ends up seeing all of me, the true me. n Who in this room claims to be perfect? n So why is it ok for me to tell myself "I am not perfect" but it is not ok for my spouse to show me my imperfection? – Pride… Lack of humility = lack of wisdom! n Yes, it is not fun to hear that I am lacking something here or there, but a wise husband or wise wife listens to the rebuke / correction and considers it… Is it true? If so, then apologize, pray, and roll up my sleeves and start working on it. n If we do this consistently, over time, our marriage will accomplish one of it's main goals which is to make us Godly people.

Parenting

A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children (13: 21) The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ (Romans 8: 16 -17 a) n Our actions show us what our hearts truly believe! n If we look at our parenting actions, what is our highest priority as far as leaving an inheritance for our children? (money? possessions? the best education so that they can get a “good” career and be able to get lots of money and possessions? ) n – If it's fasting time and we as parents don't let them fast, what is this telling us about our priorities for their inheritance? – If we let them miss liturgies, bible studies, and significant church services / events because of sports events or parties etc. what is this telling us about our priorities for their inheritance? n Our highest priority as parents should be to give them a true inheritance that would last them for eternity!

He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly. (13: 24) (I) n For some reason, people often misinterpret this verse thinking that it means "if you love your son, beat him up with a rod"! n If I asked the average parent today “Do you expect your son or daughter to know everything and learn everything simply by observing what's around them without giving them instructions or training? " there answer will typically be … – a resounding "No, of course not" yet this is what many parents do! n “Don’t do this” or “don’t do that” is not disciplining n Discipline ≠ punish. Discipline = disciple. Think of them as an apprentice…. Demonstrate!

He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly. (13: 24) (II) Physical punishment (spanking) should be a no or a last resort. n Physical punishment = all other possible solutions have been exhausted. n Physical punishment = parents failed to imagine any more solutions that can produce a good result. n – If a child obeys you because of fear they will stop obeying as soon as they are old enough to stop fearing you. – If a child obeys you because of love they will continue to do so because the love continues on. n (CAUTION!) Removing physical punishment ≠ removing consequences. The words in the verse "he who spares the rod hates his son" can be read as "he who spares the consequence hates his son". Giving consequences is a part of training and disciplining a child.

He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly. (13: 24) (III) n Consequences should: A. Be related to the offense in type: 1. 2. B. watching TV without permission no TV for a while; stealing candy no dessert / sweets for a while, etc. Be related to the offense in magnitude (and to the child's age): 1. 2. 3. If they steal candy at age 4 no dessert / sweets for a couple of days; if at age 10 no dessert / sweets for a week. If a small offense take something dear to them for a day; if a big offense take something dear to them for a week or longer. If a teenager takes the car without permission 1. No driving the car for a week or two is more reasonable than no driving for a semester or a year! C. Not be spared (even the natural consequences… Tough/true love): 1. 2. If a week of “no dessert / sweets” happens to include a friends bday party this weekend… too bad! They can go and have fun, but they can not have sweets at the party. If they neglect their project which is now due tomorrow, I should not save them by staying up all night working on it for them. What bout college? What bout after college when they’re working?

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. (22: 6) (I) First: Again, notice the word “train” = Demonstrate, show, teach, explain… apprentice. n Second: Note the words "the way he should go". n – A child is his own or her own individual person, he or she is not you! – Each child is unique and has his or her own personality, temperament, intelligence, mannerisms etc. so we ought to keep that in mind. – We often hear parents say "we treated them all the same, I don't know why this one turned out so bad" We should not treat all our children the same because they are all different individuals; we should tailor how we train them or, in other words, raise them in the way "they" should be trained or raised.

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. (22: 6) (II) n Third: Note that the verse says "train up a child" and "when he is old, will not depart from it". n A common mistake we make as parents is to focus on our young career more than our young children and then 10 -15 years later, when the career is more stable and established, we attempt to “train” or raise our children, but alas, by then it is too late! n The huge majority of a child's personality is formed during the first 5 to 7 years of life. This is the time when we should devote more of our energy and efforts and education to training and raising our children because the older they get, the less effective we become as parents. n Additionally, as they get older… less and less instructions and more freedom and responsibilities. So that they may become healthy independent productive adults instead of dependent children in adults' bodies.

n Wisdom in Marriage: – Verses apply to both, both need to be wise, practice discretion and be peaceable and non-contentious. – His #1 need (to be respected and trusted), her #1 need (to be loved and a source of delight) – The main purpose of marriage is to make us holy… The foolish (prideful) hates correction. n Wisdom in Parenting: – We need to focus more on our children’s true (eternal) inheritance, not temporal possessions. – Do not spare non-physical & natural consequences, but make them relevant in type and in magnitude. – Remember each child’s individuality and raise “train” them while they’re young before it’s too late. A stable career is an oxymoron these days anyways. – As they get older give them less instructions and more freedom and responsibilities.

Glory be to God Forever, Amen.