The Costly Pursuit of Self Esteem Amy Canevello

The Costly Pursuit of Self. Esteem Amy Canevello Institute for Social Research University of Michigan

What Does it Mean to Pursue Self-Esteem? • What people do to achieve boosts to self-esteem and avoid drops in self-esteem in their daily lives • Actions guided by beliefs about what makes us worthy or valuable – “I succeeded” “I succeeded and therefore I feel worthy” – “I failed” “I am a failure and therefore I feel worthless” • Playing an active role v. being a passive victim

A Paradox • Self-image goals, aimed at increasing others’ regard for the self, actually undermine others’ regard for the self and self-esteem • Compassionate goals, reflecting genuine concern for the well-being of others, increase others’ regard for the self and self-esteem • Does “getting” or “giving” lead to self-esteem?

Distinguishing Self-Image and Compassionate Goals Both goals can result in identical behaviors • E. g. , Grandma bakes me cookies… KEY: Intentions Self-Image Goals • Manipulate how others’ view the self – Grandma wants to prove that she is a loving grandparent Compassionate Goals • Respond to others’ needs – Grandma is responding to my needs Intentions Responsiveness to Others

Consequences of Goals Self-Image Goals Compassionate Goals • We feel: – Disconnected – Bad about ourselves – Anxious and depressed • Others feel: – Disconnected – Less esteem for us – Anxious and depressed – Connected to others – Good about ourselves – Less anxious and depressed • Others feel: – Connected to us – More esteem for us – Less anxious and depressed

Research Predictions Self-Image Goals Compassionate Goals Relationships • I’m less responsive to others • Others perceive me as less responsive • Others are less responsive to me • Both people’s relationship quality decreases • I’m more responsive to others • Others perceive me as more responsive • Others are more responsive to me • Both people’s relationship quality increases Self-Esteem • My self-esteem decreases • Other’s regard for me decreases • My self-esteem increases • Other’s regard for me increases Distress • I’m more anxious and depressed • Others are more anxious and depressed • I’m less anxious and depressed • Others are less anxious and depressed

Study 1: The Roommate Goals Study • 65 first-semester roommate pairs • Daily on-line surveys for 21 consecutive days – From both roommates • Focused on relationship processes – Goals for roommate relationships – Responsiveness to and from roommates – Relationship quality (satisfaction, commitment, closeness)

Measures: Interpersonal Goals

Measures: Interpersonal Goals Self-Image Goals “Today in my relationship with my roommate, I wanted/tried to: ” (6 items) Compassionate Goals “Today in my relationship with my roommate, I wanted/tried to: ” (8 items) • Get my roommate to recognize or acknowledge my positive qualities • Avoid appearing ignorant, incompetent, or unintelligent • Be supportive of my roommate • Avoid doing anything harmful to my roommate

Measures: Responsiveness

Measures: Responsiveness to Roommates “Today, to what extent: ” (8 items) Perceptions of Roommates’ Responsiveness “Today, to what extent: ” (8 items) • Did you behave warmly toward your roommate • Did you really listen to your roommate when he/she spoke • Did your roommate behave warmly toward you • Did your roommate really listen to you when you spoke

How Do Actors’ Goals Predict Actors’ Own Relationship Outcomes? A’s Self-Image Goals Day 1 - A’s Compassionate Goals Day 1 + Δ A’s Responsiveness (Days 1 -2) Δ A’s Perceptions of P’s Responsiveness (Days 1 -2) Δ A’s Relationship Quality (Days 1 -3) Canevello & Crocker, in press

How Do Actors’ Goals Predict Actors’ Own Relationship Outcomes? A’s Self-Image Goals Day 1 A’s Compassionate Goals Day 1 -. 21* Δ A’s Responsiveness (Days 1 -2) Δ A’s Perceptions. 94*** of P’s Responsiveness (Days 1 -2) . 21*** Δ A’s Relationship Quality (Days 1 -3) . 35*** Canevello & Crocker, in press

How Do Actors’ Goals Predict Partners’ Relationship Outcomes? A’s Self-Image Goals Day 1 A’s Compassionate Goals Day 1 -. 21* Δ A’s Responsiveness (Days 1 -2). 35*** Δ P’s Perceptions. 83*** of A’s Responsiveness (Days 1 -2) . 42*** . 44*** Δ P’s Responsiveness (Days 1 -3) Δ P’s Relationship Quality (Days 1 -3) Canevello & Crocker, in press

Study 2: The Roommate & Mental Health Study • 115 first-semester roommate pairs • Pretest, posttest, and 10 weekly on-line reports – From both roommates • Focused on relationships and mental health – Self-image and compassionate goals for roommate relationships (chronic weekly) – Responsiveness to and from roommates (pre & post) – Self-esteem & esteem for roommates (pre & post) – Anxiety & depression (pre & post)

Measures: Self- and Roommate-Esteem

Measures: Self- and Roommate-Esteem Self-Esteem (10 items) Esteem for Roommates (10 items) • I take a positive attitude with myself • On the whole, I am satisfied with myself • At times I think I am no good at all (reverse) • I take a positive attitude with my roommate • On the whole, I am satisfied with my roommate • At times I think my roommate is no good at all (reverse)

How Do Actors’ Goals Predict Actors’ Own Self-Esteem? A’s Chronic Self -Image Goals A’s Chronic Compassionate Goals -. 16* Δ A’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post). 65*** Δ A’s Perceptions of P’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) Δ A’s Self-Esteem (Pre to Post) Crocker & Canevello, in preparation

How Do Actors’ Goals Predict Actors’ Own Self-Esteem? A’s Chronic Self-Image Goals A’s Chronic Compassionate Goals -. 16* Δ A’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post). 65*** Δ A’s Perceptions. 67*** of P’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) Δ A’s Self-Esteem (Pre to Post) Crocker & Canevello, in preparation

How Do Actors’ Goals Predict Actors’ Own Self-Esteem? A’s Chronic Self -Image Goals A’s Chronic Compassionate Goals -. 16* Δ A’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post). 65*** Δ A’s Perceptions. 67*** of P’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) -. 03 Δ A’s Self-Esteem (Pre to Post) Crocker & Canevello, in preparation

How Do Actors’ Goals Predict Actors’ Own Self-Esteem? A’s Chronic Self-Image Goals A’s Chronic Compassionate Goals . 19** (. 24**) -. 16* Δ A’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post). 65*** Δ A’s Perceptions. 67*** of P’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) -. 03 Δ A’s Self-Esteem (Pre to Post) Crocker & Canevello, in preparation

How Do Actors’ Goals Predict Partners’ Esteem for Actors’ A’s Chronic Self-Image Goals A’s Chronic Compassionate Goals -. 16* Δ A’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post). 65*** Δ P’s Perceptions. 48*** of A’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) . 55** Δ P’s Esteem for A (Pre to Post) Crocker & Canevello, in preparation

How Do Actors’ Goals Predict Actors’ Own Distress? A’s Chronic Self-Image Goals A’s Chronic Compassionate Goals -. 16* Δ A’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post). 65*** Δ A’s Perceptions. 67*** of P’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) Δ A’s Distress (Pre to Post)

How Do Actors’ Goals Predict Actors’ Own Distress? A’s Chronic Self -Image Goals A’s Chronic Compassionate Goals -. 16* Δ A’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post). 65*** Δ A’s Perceptions. 67*** of P’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) -. 01 Δ A’s Distress (Pre to Post)

How Do Actors’ Goals Predict Actors’ Own Distress? A’s Chronic Self -Image Goals A’s Chronic Compassionate Goals -. 12+ (-. 18**) -. 16* Δ A’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post). 65*** Δ A’s Perceptions. 67*** of P’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) -. 01 Δ A’s Distress (Pre to Post)

How Do Actors’ Goals Predict Partners’ Distress? A’s Chronic Self-Image Goals A’s Chronic Compassionate Goals -. 16* Δ A’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) . 48*** Δ P’s Perceptions. 73*** of A’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) Δ P’s Responsiveness (Pre to Post) -. 18* Δ P’s Distress (Pre to Post) . 65*** Crocker & Canevello, in preparation

Study 2 Summary Self-Image goals backfire Compassionate goals benefit the self and others • Create what they don’t want for themselves and others: • Create what they do want for themselves and others: – Decreased relationship quality – Decreased self-esteem, others’ esteem for self – Increased distress • Unsustainable strategy to attain goals – Increased relationship quality – Increased self-esteem, others’ esteem for self – Decreased distress • Sustainable strategy to attain goals

Implications for the Pursuit of Self-Esteem • Underscore how relationships contribute to self-esteem – Processes occur quickly and have lasting effects • Pursuing self-esteem is costly for self and others – Strategies that emphasize promoting self-esteem? • Supporting others has benefits for self and others – Strategies for transcending the self?

Acknowledgments Jennifer Crocker, Ph. D. Self and Social Motivation Lab, University of Michigan National Institutes of Mental Health

Thank You!