BUILDING SELFESTEEM Definition Selfesteem is the judgment or

BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM

Definition… “Self-esteem is the judgment or opinion we hold about ourselves. It’s the extent to which we perceive ourselves to be worthwhile and capable human beings. ” “Self-esteem is the picture we have of ourselves. ”

Self-esteem… ØIs learned. No one is born with high and healthy self-esteem. ØComes from thoughts, feelings and experiences we have had and continue to have throughout life. ØCan be affected by daily circumstances, other people, and most importantly ourselves. ØCan be changed and changed at any age.

Low self-esteem is a result of a discrepancy between the importance of an area and one’s perception of competence in that area. Some common signs of low self-esteem: ØExaggerated bragging ØResorting to numerous attention-getting behaviors such as clowning, acting overly silly, teasing, complaining, exhibiting both verbal and physical aggression ØBeing self-critical ØEasily influenced by peers

Take a minute…

The positive experience that you remembered most likely can be described by one or more of the following feelings: ØYou felt secure, safe, and trusting of your environment. ØYou felt special or unique. You felt worthwhile. ØYou felt important and appreciated by someone whose opinion you valued. ØYou had a goal or purpose. You were successful in achieving what you wanted. ØYou felt that you made a difference. You felt capable.

The positive experience that you had probably satisfied a basic emotional need. It helped reinforce a belief in your own value as a person. Each of those feelings just mentioned represents one of the five building blocks that comprise high self-esteem.

The five feelings that nurture high self-esteem are: 1. A sense of security. This is a feeling of trust or safety. Ø Most critical feeling of self-esteem since all other feelings generally build from this first component. Ø Means knowing what is expected, being able to depend on others, and comprehending rules & limits. Ø They feel emotionally and physically safe.

Two easy ideas to enhance the feeling of security: v “DO NOT DISTURB” sign on door v Birthday Letters

Second building block of self-esteem: 2. A sense of Selfhood. This is having a strong sense of self-knowledge. ØKnow who they really are ØKnow their interests, their attitudes, their strengths ØActs as a powerful buffer to stress and trauma

Ways to enhance your child’s feeling of self-hood: v. Me Collage v. Me Mobile

The third feeling of self-esteem: 3. A sense of Affiliation. Having a sense of belonging or connectedness. ØFeel approved of, respected, and appreciated by others ØFeel recognized and connected ØFamily unit is the greatest source of belonging for children

Two ways to enhance your child’s feeling of affiliation: v. Feature One Member of the Family v. Create a Family Tree

The fourth building block of self-esteem: 4. A sense of Mission. It is a feeling of purpose, direction, and responsibility. ØKnow they have choices and alternatives ØAre goal setters and usually reach their goals because those that they set are realistic and achievable ØAcknowledge their efforts inside their heads instead of waiting for others to pat them on the back

Ways to enhance your child’s sense of mission: v. Let children know mistakes are OK v. Share mistakes v. Role-play handling failure

The final building block of self-esteem is: 5. A sense of Competence. It is having a feeling of being capable and successful in things regarded as important or valuable. v We need to help them recognize their unique strengths and competencies v It is important for them to have a feeling of power and control over their lives

Ideas to enhance a feeling of competence in your child: v Accomplishment journal v Strength collages v. Develop strengths

7 Steps For Developing Your Child’s Self-Esteem: 1. See handout

Communicating with children: When you actively listen to your children, you help them feel valued. This makes them more willing to communicate with you. Active listening is an acquired skill. These techniques can help you master it: ØSpeak encouragingly: “Tell me more…” “Can you describe that…” Ø Ask for clarification: “Help me understand what you meant…” ØRestate points: “Tell me if I heard you right…”

ØShare reflections: “It seems like you are feeling…” ØSummarize: “If I understand you correctly, you said…” ØValidate: “You have every right to feel…” ØShow interests: “Wow, that must have been…” ØUse body language: Make good eye contact. Lean toward them. ØEmpathize: Try to understand their feelings and thoughts.

REFERENCES Dr. Michele Borba, Home Esteem Builders, Jamar Press, 1994. Jim Ewing & Karen Liptak, Smart Parenting, The Positive Line, 2002. Siri. Nam S. Khalsa, Group Exercises for Enhancing Social Skills & Self-Esteem, Professional Resource Press, 1996. The New Yorker Collection from Cartoonbank. com

THIS POWER POINT PRESENTATION WAS MADE POSSIBLE WITH HELP FROM: Jay Shirey Nicholas Shirey Cindy Kaldenbach