Humanist Ceremonies Your name e g naming wedding

Humanist Ceremonies Your name, e. g. naming, wedding & funeral celebrant British Humanist Association

The Humanist Ceremonies network “Humanist Ceremonies™ is the network of non-religious celebrants trained, accredited, insured, and qualityassured by the British Humanist Association. We are the UK’s longest standing provider of nonreligious ceremonies and provide individually prepared ceremonies to mark important occasions in life such as the arrival of a child, weddings and funerals. 97% of feedback received awards us 5/5. ”

Section 1 Background

A brief introduction to Humanism • • Builds on atheism(meaning no religious faith) A statement of what is important “For the one life we have” About using evidence, experience and reason to understand the world That we can have a good, meaningful life without belief in god(s) Promoting human rights and freedoms Living cooperatively with people of other beliefs https: //humanism. org. uk

The importance of ceremony • We all mark many milestones throughout our lives (e. g. birthdays) in a non-religious way • Ceremony is: – natural – emotionally healthy – about community – Not necessarily connected to religion

“Although this wedding will be reasonably relaxed in style, it nonetheless marks the official part of today’s proceedings. For in the end, marriage is a serious commitment and this is why we mark such occasions with a certain ritual and ceremony. For ceremony is important to us individually and collectively. It has been used over many centuries and across all cultures, and fulfils a very human need in enabling us to step back to reflect on the significance of major changes in our lives. It’s also a time when we are able to say the important things that we do not often say in the course of everyday living. ”

Why humanist ceremonies? • British Humanist Association’s (BHA) remit is to express and represent the needs of the non-religious • Ceremony provision developed in response to a need • Members have been conducting funerals for each other since 1890 s • Over time demand has increased dramatically and the training of celebrants has developed greatly • BHA at the forefront of developing non-religious ceremony

Section 2: The basics

The basics • ‘Celebrants’ are trained and accredited by the British Humanist Association (BHA) • Three main ceremony types for ‘hatches, matches and despatches’ – baby namings / welcomings – weddings – funerals – some others too (e. g. renewal of vows, coming of age) • Most ceremonies are for those who are simply not religious rather than who describe themselves as humanists • Ceremonies are held where and when people choose – no restrictions on time/place

What is a humanist ceremony? Our strap-line says it all: Meaningful: sincere and honest. Non-religious: no talk of God(s), scripture, afterlife etc. Just for you: bespoke, personal with no set script.

Facts & Figures • Approx. 300 ‘celebrants’ • Conduct around 9000 ceremonies each year • Approximately 85% of these are funerals • Around 750, 000 people go to a humanist ceremony each year

Section 3 Types of ceremony

Our three main ceremony types • Pics of leaflets

(Baby) Naming Ceremonies • Relatively new • Held as people feel the arrival of a child is too important an event not to mark and specifically to – welcome a child(ren) to the world – celebrate their safe arrival – formally introduce them to circle of family and friends • About the individual child & family • Often includes the appointment of ‘guideparents’ • Informal, happy occasions – often combined with first birthdays

Format of a naming ceremony • • • Introductions & welcomes Setting the scene A reading or poem The child’s story Parental promises Appointment of guideparents Wider family The naming itself Closing remarks

Personalising naming ceremonies Some namings include: – A wish tree – Music – Promises by older siblings – Signing a certificate – Lighting candles – Presentation of gifts – Ending with bubbles or balloons

Liv’s naming ceremony

Example parental promises “Sebastian, from the first second we knew that you were coming, we wanted you. And so that is our first promise; that we will always want you, even when you are naughty, or messy, or cheeky! We promise to support you throughout your life, to embarrass you as often as possible and to brag about your triumphs! We will protect you from harm, listen to you and encourage you. We promise to be there whenever you need us, to help you learn right from wrong. We will always try to remember that the most valuable things that we can give you are our time and our love Above all, we will always love you to the moon and back. ”

What people say about naming ceremonies “The ceremony was beautiful. It was just the right balance of official and informal. ” “Everyone who attended said how special it was and how much they enjoyed it. ” “It was truly the most memorable and touching occasion of its kind that I've ever experienced. ” “Our daughter loved being the centre of attention. “ “Our family loved it – the Grandmothers were very emotional afterwards and we had nothing but praise for your lovely ceremony!” “The ceremony was all we had hoped for and more. I don’t think we had realised how sensitive, both poignant and funny it was going to be. ”

Humanist weddings • A more personal, flexible way for people to mark marriage • Usually include information about the couple, how they met, why they work • plus discussion of what marriage means to them • Involves some work for the couple – but well worth the effort. Humanist weddings aren’t (yet) legally binding Some advantages of this: • can be held anywhere – not just licensed venues • Complete flexibility with words (civil weddings are very limited) • Can write their own vows • can be much cheaper!

Format of a humanist wedding • Entrance to music • Words about marriage from a non-religious perspective • The couple’s story • A reading / poem • Deciding to get married • Couple’s promises • Exchange of rings • Words of well-wishing

Personalising humanist weddings Humanist weddings may include: • Writing own promises / vows • Including words of advice from friends/family within the ceremony • Symbolic actions such as handfasting • Music – including sing-alongs • Talking about the couple’s relationship

Lizzie & Joel’s wedding, Gloucestershire

Example wedding promises Julie you are my best friend and partner in crime, I promise to be there for you in good times and bad. I love the person that you are and I promise to give you space to be yourself and to never try to change you. I promise that I always try to make you feel happy, secure and content regardless of what life throws at us I promise to respect your opinions even if they are different from my own i. e. wrong. I also promise that I will not stop making you bacon sandwiches of a Saturday morning just because we are married. I give you all of my trust, all of my love and all of my tomorrows, all of my life.

What people say about humanist weddings “Never been to one before – so much better than mine! Much more personal and perfect wording that suited J & R so well. ” “The most beautiful wedding ceremony I've ever been to. ” “The joy and laughter that the readings and music brought were wonderful. ” “Sincere and dignified, touching, and full of humour. ” “Best thing we ever did was having a humanist wedding!” “We’ve had so much lovely feedback from our guests about the style and nature of the ceremony. You did a great job in reflecting our journey so far and aspirations for the future. “

Humanist Funerals About 7000 held each year (1. 3% of all deaths) Most held at crematoria but some burials Families often find celebrant through Funeral Director To celebrate the life lived and express grief and sadness • But without talk of an afterlife or heaven • Perhaps the time when people are most sensitive to a religious service feeling ‘wrong’ if inappropriate • Entirely focused on the person, their life and their relationships • •

Format of a humanist funeral Introductory music Words of welcome Thoughts on life and death from a non-religious perspective The tribute – an outline of the life and personality of the person who has died Readings of poetry and prose Reflection – a few moments for private thoughts about the person who has died, either in silence or accompanied by music The committal – when the curtains are closed or coffin lowered Closing words – including thanks on your behalf Final music

X’s humanist funeral

What people say about humanist funerals “We were very nervous of deviating from 'the norm' for my husband's funeral, but many people commented that the funeral was brilliant and the best they'd ever been to. ” “Everyone attending was very impressed and captivated. All our family and friends were moved to express how much they enjoyed the sympathetic and engaging delivery in the celebration of his life. I found the service very moving but also comforting. ” “The family wanted a dignified respectful ceremony and this is what we got. It was moving and loving. ” “Above all expectations. Very many who attended said what an uplifting experience it had been. ”

Section 4 The role of the celebrant

Writing a humanist ceremony Whatever type of ceremony it is, we take the same general approach: 1. Celebrant meets the family 2. Talks about what is wanted from the occasion 3. Make suggestions about content, format, contributions (e. g. songs, readings) 4. Writes a bespoke ceremony 5. Edits in light of feedback 6. Delivers it with aplomb

The family visit

Training to become a celebrant • Separate training for each of the three ceremony types (namings, weddings & funerals) • Training takes place over three separate days / weekends • Involves writing sample scripts and submission of coursework • Then provisionally accredited • Have to then be observed within a year of provisional accreditation

My own journey as a celebrant 1999 – joined BHA 2002 – attended first humanist funeral 2004 - death of brother: church funeral although he wasn’t religious 2006 – took early retirement from training role within the insurance industry 2007 – trained as a humanist funeral celebrant 2009 – trained to conduct namings and weddings 2014 – voted ‘celebrant of the year’ at the Slough Ceremonies awards

My role as a celebrant • • • How people find me: website and FDs Meeting a diverse array of people The writing process Juggling practical arrangements The ceremony itself What happens next…

What I value about being a celebrant • Helping people at a time of greatest need • Meeting such a range of people • Every situation is different – it never gets boring! • New and creative approaches from families all the time – I’m always learning • Helping people express something so important to them

Section 5 discussion points

What’s new in humanist ceremonies? • Anticipated legalisation of marriages • Increasingly complex ‘market’ of funeral celebrants: no need to be licensed, word ‘humanist’ isn’t solely used by BHA celebrants • Provision of other ceremonies (adoptions, anniversaries, even divorce!) • More memorial ceremonies

Current issues for celebrants In the past week, celebrants have been discussing the following on the online forum: • When families cut a large section of the script • The ethics of marrying more than two people (at once) • Poem sought for a coarse fisherman • wedding to be held on private land – is it trespass? • A new celebrant’s first baby funeral

Any questions or comments?