CONFLICT AND COACHING LISTENING INTERDEPENDENCE AND TRUST HALLMARK

CONFLICT AND COACHING: LISTENING, INTERDEPENDENCE, AND TRUST – HALLMARK TRAITS OF A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP By: Jeni Scott EDLS 685 – Peer Mentoring and Support

Conflict: Give an example On the sticky notes in front of you, write three separate examples of conflict that you have experienced in a school you have worked in. This can be conflict you are experiencing now or conflict you have experienced in the past. Once done, please place the sticky notes on the white board located in the front of the room that says “Conflict. ”

“IC’s need to shape team norms, facilitate school wide implementation of interventions, promote more constructive styles of professional discourse, motivate unmotivated teachers, raise thorny issues, negotiate resolutions to the conflicts that those thorny issues stir up, and stand in opposition to any action or attitude that is not good for children. ” (Knight, 2007)

LEADERS OF CHANGE Tactics to use when confronting resistance and conflict

1. STAY DETACHED When attacked, what can I do? • Use partnership communication Ø All points of view should be listened to – we are all equal Abandon Attempt Ø Be aware of personal stories • Change your thinking to create distance Ø Learn another’s point-of-view to better understand their perspective Attack • Keep it from being personal Ø Take the balcony approach Ø Turn the focus to strategies or teaching practices best for student achievement • Take the long view Ø Remember what the research says

Detach Using one of the examples your group discussed, role play a scenario using detachment as a tactic to defuse the conflict.

2. WALK ON SOLID GROUND Who are you? What are your beliefs about Equality? Choice? Voice? Dialogue? Reflection? Praxis? Reciprocity?

Purpose Remind yourself often that your primary purpose is to make life better for the children in your building! EVERY DAY! EVERY HOUR! EVERY MINUTE!

S. M. A. R. T Goals Short-term What are your goals when meeting with teachers? Long term What are my priorities? To use my time efficiently, I need a map to know what my final destination is.

3. CLARIFYING YOUR MESSAGE Create a Teachable. Point-of-View, “a cohesive set of ideas and concepts that a person is able to articulate clearly to others. ” Central ideas • Dynamic and engaging stories that illustrate where we are, where we are going, and how we will get there Values • Clearly articulated and shape the overall support for the idea Energizing • Beliefs that motivate others • Actions that motivate others (Tichy, 2002, pg. 74; as stated in Knight, 2007, pg. 205) Edge • Face reality • Make tough decisions

4. MANAGING CHANGE EFFECTIVELY

Do teachers know what is expected of them? ü What demands will be made on the ü ü teachers time? What class time will the practice take? How will students respond? How does the intervention fit in with the district or state curriculum? What else might need to change to effectively use this practice? By explaining each of these items to the teacher beforehand, the IC can be a change agent!

Does the teacher have the materials and equipment they need to do their work right? Put together a box for each teacher that contains all the needed materials to implement a strategy. Overheads Handouts Reading materials Foldables Additional readings Research to accompany the strategy Instructions how to use the strategy

At work, does the teacher have the opportunity to do what they do best every day? Build on strengths when collaborating with a teacher! How will the strategy work with what the teacher’s unique strengths are?

In the past seven days, has the teacher received recognition or praise for doing good work? Whenever you have the opportunity to recognize, praise, or support a teacher, an emotional connection is made. Take the time to build these connections!

Is there someone at work who cares about me? Listening builds relationships and trust!

Is there someone at work who encourages my development? “An IC’s primary work is to continually encourage each teacher to develop, to be a better professional, to reach and encourage and support more children. ” (Knight, 2007)

What can you do? On your loose-leaf paper, write about a time when a meeting with a collaborating teacher didn’t quite go the way you had planned. What could you have done differently to manage the change more effectively.

5. CONFRONTING REALITY “to confront reality is to recognize the world as it is, not as you wish it to be, and have the courage to do what must be done, not what you’d like to do” (Bossidy and Charan, 2004, pg. 6 -7; as stated in Knight, 2007, pg. 208)

Ask the tough questions The teaching and learning in classrooms • • What is it like to be a student in this classroom? How do the students feel in this classroom? Is this teacher using “hi-fi” teaching practices? Does the teacher appreciate, enjoy, and respect students? Are students engaged in this class? Are students experiencing meaningful learning experiences or are they simply completing tasks that fill the time? Does this class increase or decrease students’ love of learning? Will students remember this class?

Even tougher questions About the school and the culture • Are our teachers focused on becoming better teachers or are they focused on making excuses? • Is our school improving or declining? • Do our teachers focus on students and teaching during team meetings, or do they focus on blaming, excuse-making, or fingerpointing? • Are our leaders supportive and positive? • Do our leaders encourage our teachers to meet high standards? • Do our leaders walk the talk?

6. UNDERSTANDING SCHOOL CULTURE Look forward, take risks, and grow (Rosenholtz, 1991; as cited in Knight, 2007)

Cultural Norms Be sensitive to the norms and shape conversations Stay away from unhealthy topics and use responsive turns. Interrupt – cut off the negative Name – describe what is going on Correct – clarify false statements Divert – move the conversation in a different direction

7. BEING AMBITIOUS AND HUMBLE

Do whatever it takes! Effective leaders are “ambitious first and foremost for the cause, the movement, the mission, the work – not themselves – and they have the will to do whatever it takes…to make good on that ambition” (Collins, 2005, pg. 11; as cited in Knight, 2007)

8. TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF Maintain your “innocence, curiosity, and compassion” (Knight, 2007, pg. 213)

Distinguish the role from yourself Find confidants Find sanctuary

Analyzing conflict situations What will the next steps be and what strategy can I use to resolve the conflict positively?

A tool to use from social psychologists

What are energy traps? Energy Trap Definition of Trap Operating Metaphors “Containers for thinking that hold unconscious assumptions, beliefs, goals, and values” – by changing the language a new perspective can be given to the situation. Time Orientations Focusing on the past, present, or future or randomly jumping across all three dimensions in time Time Horizons A unit of time within which a conflict must be solved Nominalizations Talking about a process as a thing or an event The Illusion of Separateness That people are not connected to the situations that surround them. Focus on Production When achievement casts a shadow over taking care of the individual Fixing What Shows, Not What is Broken Quick fixes that do not identify and fix the root cause. Rather they focus on what shows to the public. The Myth that Problems Require Solutions Personalization of Conflict Situations that exist in which no clear solution is possible Being Emotions Instead of Having Emotions Taking on the emotions that you have and forcing them onto someone or something else Assuming that conflict is about ourselves What happened? How can you turn the trap into a positive?

Putting it all together In your small groups, go up to the whiteboard and find three different conflicts. Using the strategies you learned today, along with the tools provided, how could have each of these conflicts been handled differently to alleviate the conflict? Work with your partners to develop scenarios that would develop trust, interdependence, and listening skills. We will share out in 30 minutes.

References Garmston, R. J. and Wellman, B. M. (2009). The adaptive school: a sourcebook for developing collaborative groups (2 nd ed. ). Norwood: Christopher-Gordon Publishers. Knight, J. (2007). Instructional coaching: a partnership approach to improving instruction. Thousand Oaks, CA: Corwin Press.