the mindful caregiver Helping Spousal Partners Cope More

the mindful caregiver Helping Spousal Partners Cope More Positively When A Spouse Has Dementia Nancy L. Kriseman © 2017 1

“Being a care partner is not a one size fits all” Nancy Kriseman The Mindful Caregiver 2

Understanding the Care Partner Role – The New Normal Role Change Adjusting to the huge changes in your relationship Changes in sexual intimacy Recognizing there is a “new normal” Dreaded decisions When to move your spouse Taking the car away Takin over the finances 3

Unique Challenges When Caring for Spouses with Dementia Anticipatory Grieving Ambiguous Loss Disenfranchised Grief Therapeutic Lie (or compassionate deception) 4

Executive Functioning Challenges Can’t reason with your spouse Impulsivity and lack of filters Difficulty with processing information Perseveration issues Mood swings and behavioral expression issues Friends, family and others don’t recognize the executive functioning issues because your spouse appears “normal” 5

““Being a mindful caregiver starts with owning your emotions” Nancy L. Kriseman The Mindful Caregiver 6

Why it’s Difficult to Own all Your Emotions You believe you should be able to handle whatever comes your way You don’t want to hurt your spouse’s feelings You are concerned about what others may think of you if you share how you really feel You feel badly about having some negative emotions such as; anger, resentment, sadness 7

Why It’s Difficult to Own all Your Emotions You have not had a good relationship with your spouse and feel very conflicted about having to take on this role You feel you have to do what your family or the culture expects a spouse “should do” 8

“Becoming a mindful caregiver inspires you to remember that you matter too!” Nancy L. Kriseman The Mindful Caregiver 9

Becoming A Mindful Caregiver Requires caregivers to: Pay attention to how caregiving impacts you! Become aware of all your emotions and feelings Tune into your bodies Be aware of how your spirit feels Be compassionate towards yourself and less judgmental 10

Becoming A Mindful Caregiver Requires caregivers to: Be more mindful of the messages you give yourself Stay in the present moment with acceptance and openness Recognize that you can’t be responsible for all your loved one’s care 11

“There is no doubt that deeply ingrained patterns are not easy to change. You can’t expect your spouse to change you have to change” Nancy Kriseman The Mindful Caregiver 12

Mindful Caregivers Recognize “Entrenched Caregiver Beliefs” Entrenched Caregiver Beliefs: Are beliefs caregivers hold onto tightly and don’t want to let go of They can hold you hostage and wreak havoc with your emotions and spirit! They cause suffering and stress 13

Why Do Caregivers Hold Onto These Beliefs? You believe you should be able to handle whatever comes your way You don’t want to hurt your spouse’s feelings You are concerned about what others may think of you if you share how you really feel You feel badly about having some negative emotions such as; anger, resentment, sadness 14

Entrenched Caregiver Beliefs Lead to Unrealistic Expectations Unrealistic expectations are: Beliefs that caregivers hold that are not practical or achievable Usually accompanied by statements such as; “I should” “I must” “I have to do…” Often associated with caregiver GUILT and Caregiver S T R E S S! 15

Questions to Ponder? ? ? Are you willing to… Recognize what you can and can’t do…Admit your own limitations? Choose your battles and utilize Compassionate Deception Let go of things you don’t have control over Ask for support and be clear about what you need FACTOR IN TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF TIME! 16

“Mindfulness, helps us to tune into ourselves and get in touch with our hearts” Nancy Kriseman The Mindful Caregiver 17

Mindfulness requires: Paying attention to how you feel in the present moment and doing so in a non-judgmental way Slowing down and connecting to your heart so that you can more fully experience yourself and the life around you Embraces the qualities of compassion, kindness and patience It is an approach that everyone can use 18

Mindfulness also: Helps you to be more intentional so you can make the best possible decisions for your care recipient Helps to bring more balance and ease while navigating the caregiving journey Helps you get in touch with your “NUT’S” 19

Mindful Ways to Take Care of Yourself Rest Learning to Pause Meditation Learning to Nurture your Spirit Breathing and Breath 20

Mindful Ways to Take Care of Yourself Prayer Religion Humor and Laughter Circle of Support Listening to Your Body Positive Comforts 21

“Caregivers, May You Find Ease in the Caregiving Journey” Nancy Kriseman The Mindful Caregiver 22

GERIATRIC CONSULTING SERVICES INC. NANCY L. KRISEMAN, L. C. S. W. PO Box 8273 Atlanta, GA 31106 Tel: 404 -881 -0313 Email: nancykriseman@comcast. net Website: www. Nancy. Kriseman. com @Geriatric. MSW www. The. Mindful. Caregiver. com www. facebook. com/The. Mindful. Caregiver