Help for the Helper Maggie ONeil Melissa Darmody

Help for the Helper Maggie O’Neil & Melissa Darmody Towards Healing November 2019 NBSCCC 2019 1

Welcome prayer and introduction Colette Stevenson and Teresa Devlin November 2019 NBSCCC 2019 2

Context Providing Care and Support for Complainants. Standard 3 Providing support to Church personnel Standard 5 indicator 5. 6 November 2019 NBSCCC 2019 3

Help for the Helper Maggie O’Neil & Melissa Darmody Towards Healing November 2019 NBSCCC 2019 4

Self- Care As the topics we are discussing might cause upset to individuals in the room it is important for everyone to be mindful of their needs for self care. November 2019 NBSCCC 2019 5

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Outline of Day • • Brief out line of Trauma Impacts of Trauma Models of Relationships Managing Empathy Relationship Dial Relationship Triangle Secondary Traumatization Self Care November 2019 NBSCCC 2019 Tea and Coffee at 11: 15 Lunch 1 -2 7

Trauma and the Brain https: //www. youtube. com/watch? v=4 tc. KYx 24 a. A&authuser=0 November 2019 NBSCCC 2019 8

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• Fight • Physical aggression, attack • Verbal aggression – saying ‘no’ • Flight • Running away, hiding • Freeze • Tonic immobility, shutdown, play dead, • conserve energy • Dissociate, pretend to be asleep • Flop/Flag/Faint • Collapse, pervasive dissociation. malleable November 2019 NBSCCC 2019 10

“The imprint of the trauma is. . . in our animal brains, not our thinking brains” van der Kolk November 2019 NBSCCC 2019 11

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Impact of CSA across the Life Scan The Adverse Childhood Experiences Study (ACE Study) is a research study conducted by the U. S. health maintenance organization Kaiser Permanente and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Participants were recruited to the study between 1995 and 1997 and have been in long-term follow up for health outcomes. https: //www. ted. com/talks/nadine_burke_harris_how_childhood_trauma_affects_healt h_across_a_lifetime#t-16636 November 2019 NBSCCC 2019 14

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How Trauma Impacts Relationship Building • The world is not safe • People are not to be trusted • I am dirty • I deserve bad things to happen to me • I am not worth while • All men/priests are bad • All church personal are not to be trusted • They are all lying November 2019 NBSCCC 2019 16

Kick the Dog Do you ever come home from work feeling like this guy? November 2019 NBSCCC 2019 17

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Attachment Disruption • Abuse and neglect (sexual, physical, emotional, psychological) are defined as attachment trauma. • Attachment trauma is described as adverse interpersonal experiences, occurring in early childhood, which are repetitive, chronic and between child and caregiver or in a care-giving relationship. November 2019 NBSCCC 2019 19

Bungee Style Relationship November 2019 NBSCCC 2019 20

Transactional Analysis Dr. Eric Berne November 2019 NBSCCC 2019 21

Sympathy vs. Empathy Brené Brown on Empathy https: //vimeo. com/355907688 Empathy is feeling “with” someone Tuning into client and their framework Adding nothing to it or minimizing it Hearing exactly what they express Emotional merging with others emotions and pain, but you do not have to share the same experience. • If you do share a similar experience, important not to get your experiences confused with the survivor’s. • Stay open to feeling and non judgemental • • November 2019 NBSCCC 2019 22

To Kill A Mocking Bird “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view. Until you can climb into his skin and walk around in it. ” November 2019 NBSCCC 2019 23

Monitoring Your Empathy Whale Rider https: //www. youtube. com/watc h? v=TTF 8 Ps. Kmhtc November 2019 NBSCCC 2019 24

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"Karpman's triangle“ 1968 Stephen Karpman November 2019 NBSCCC 2019 26

Safeguarding working with survivors • • • Clarity of Role Boundaries Referral Source Development Support/supervision/Mentor Personal Self Care November 2019 NBSCCC 2019 27

Secondary Traumatic Stress, Compassion fatigue, or secondary traumatic stress disorder, is a natural but disruptive by-product of working with traumatised clients. November 2019 NBSCCC 2019 28

Self Care List three things that I can do for myself to promote self care and resilience in my work. 1 2 3 List three things that I can ask of my employer to help support me in my work. 1 2 3 November 2019 NBSCCC 2019 29

Lean to Self Regulate • Visualization with group November 2019 NBSCCC 2019 30

Questions November 2019 NBSCCC 2019 31

Melissa’s contact : Clinicaldirector@towardshealing. ie Maggie’s contact: Childprotection@towardshealing. ie November 2019 NBSCCC 2019 32