- Slides: 17
Adding Voice to Writing Show Not Tell
Telling… The girls were excited.
Showing Giggles and screams filled the arena. The soft curls were now damp with perspiration and the anticipation of the event. They held tight to each other in a mock effort to contain themselves. Arms flailed upward, and voices echoed in varying tones. The moment was here. They had beliebed and now The BIEB was theirs for 60 minutes!
Telling He felt ashamed when the minister spoke of infidelity.
Showing The man’s ears turned red and his eyes darted downwards when the minister mentioned the word infidelity. His wife tried to squeeze his hand, but he pulled it away in shame.
Telling n He is angry.
Showing Sitting at his desk, his jaw tightened. His eyes flashed heat waves at me. The words erupted from his mouth, "I want to talk to you after class. " The final hiss in his voice warned me about his feelings.
Abstract Words = Telling NOT Showing n Love n Hate n Peace n Hope n Happy n Sad n Excited n Afraid n Mournful n Overjoyed n Scared n Confused Angry Furious Overwhelmed Stressed Awe-struck Beautiful Passion Modesty Interesting Unique Different Sweet REVISE: Search through your essay draft now and circle any abstract words that you find. These are words that will either need to be entirely replaced OR expanded in order to show and not tell.
Make associations… n Select ONE word that you circled, and in the margins, write a list of people, places, things, ideas, images, adjectives, actions, etc. that you associate with the abstract word. n Example: n Peace (abstract word) n n n Ocean Waterfall Sleeping child Wheat field White dove
Revise the sentence n Look over the list of associations and circle two of the BEST and MOST UNIQUE items. n Rewrite the entire sentence and DELETE the abstract word by replacing it with the associations. Write the new sentence onto the draft. n Example: n I was full of peace. VS. n Looking at the lake was my white dove moment.
Purpose: Give the abstract teeth! n The writer or artist takes an abstract idea and gives it concrete associations to affect a reaction in the reader as well as enable the reader to comprehend the writer’s tone and purpose. n Literary techniques to help with this are: n Simile n Metaphor n Personification
Simile n Select a different abstract word in the essay and brainstorm a list of similes for it. Use the following appeals to the senses, and write your ideas in the margins. Hate looks like… n Hate smells like… n Hate tastes like… n Hate sounds like… n Hate feels like… n
Revise the sentence n Select the BEST simile from the list. Then rewrite the entire sentence using that simile to show and not tell. n Example: n I was full of peace VS. n Peace filled my heart like warm pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving.
Metaphor n Select another abstract word from your essay, but this time brainstorm a list of metaphors for the word. Appeal to the senses as listed below: n n n Love is… (appeal to sight) Love is… (appeal to sound) Love is… (appeal to touch) Love is… (appeal to taste) Love is… (appeal to smell)
Revise the sentence n Select the BEST metaphor from the list. Then rewrite the entire sentence using that metaphor to show and not tell. n Example: n I was full of peace VS. n I was a white dove flying high in the clouds.
Personification n Brainstorm: n Select a different abstract word from your essay and brainstorm personifications for it. Write them in the margins. n Example: n Hate n Clenches its fists n Frowns on smiling faces n Screams at a child coloring rainbows on the sidewalk
Revise the sentence n Select the BEST personification from the list. Then rewrite the entire sentence using that personification to show and not tell. n Example: n I was full of peace VS. n The dove smiled its wings down upon the mountains.