Holding On and Letting Go What to Expect

Holding On and Letting Go What to Expect the First Year at the University of Oregon DIVISION OF STUDENT LIFE

Welcome and Introductions Purpose of this session is to: Acknowledge your role and your experience Describe what to expect and how to prepare for your student’s transition to college Discuss strategies for handling some of the challenges that may lie ahead

Where are you from? Oregon Washington California Other US state Other country

How large is your city or town? More than 1 million 500, 000 – 999, 999 200, 000 – 499, 999 100, 000 – 199, 999 50, 000 – 99, 999 25, 000 – 49, 999 Less than 25, 000

Counting your current student, how many have you sent to college? One/only Two Three Four or more

When this student goes to college will you be an “empty nester? ”

Philosophy and Approach of UO Student Life College is about learning and about development – your student’s and yours The challenges of student life are part of the learning process We care deeply about your student and will work with you on their behalf Our role is to create a developmental bridge

UO Parents Expectations, Concerns & Fears

How often do you expect to communicate with your student? More than once a day Once a day Two to three times a week Once a month Less than once a month

How concerned are you about your student’s academics? Extremely Very Moderately Slightly Not at all

How concerned are you about the safety of your student? Extremely Very Moderately Slightly Not at all

Ten Biggest Off-To-College Fears for Parents Overall safety for my student Losing communication Developing a new relationship My student using poor judgment The dangers of drugs and alcohol

Ten Biggest Off-To-College Fears for Parents My student’s (in)ability to handle newfound freedom My (in)ability to let go Dealing with an empty nest My changed role as a parent My changed relationship with my partner/spouse at home

Today’s “Millennial” College Student

Millennials: Demographic Portrait and Characteristics Respectful of adults; attached to parents and family Positive social habits: focused on teamwork, achievement, modesty and good conduct Environmentally conscious Crave community Expect affluence Better educated; many parents have more education More ethnically diverse; more multicultural identities

Millennials: Demographic Portrait and Characteristics Majority are female From smaller families with older parents More protected and scheduled as student Special, sheltered, confident, team-oriented, achieving, pressured, conventional, globally concerned Cyber literate and media savvy – cell phones, Instagram, Snapchat, Vine, Twitter, are their tools of choice; Facebook is less so

What Will This New Partnership Between You And The UO Look Like?

New Communities & Partnerships Concerns Help Learning to live in a new community is a challenge For some students, this is the largest or most diverse community they have experienced; for others, it is the smallest and least diverse Students thrive when they make connections, get involved, use resources, and connect with faculty, staff and each other How To Recognize some lifetime friendships form and others are outgrown Know that it may take time for your student to feel comfortable and homesickness can be part of the transition process Understand that feelings of anonymity, isolation, and loss of identity can be part of the transition Encourage your student to visit with faculty, work on campus, visit a student organization, or try a new activity

New Communities & Partnerships Concerns How. Campus To Help safety Learning about how to navigate the new opportunities for decision making Preventing crimes of opportunity Role of substances in criminal activity and assaults We have high expectations for: Respectfulness and civility Engagement and participation Academic development Encourage your student to take an active role in campus safety Intervention is critical: Ducks. Say. Something Encourage your students to be their best and to be respectful of others Help them develop their ability to say when they are uncomfortable Encourage your student to welcome the difference that they will experience, and to learn from our diversity on campus

How You Can Help Familiarize yourself with university policies and procedures Become familiar with campus resources and encourage your student to utilize them Remember that university life is different from high school Maintain perspective, encourage realism and accountability Help your student to develop independence: banking, laundry, making and keeping medical appointments

Beginning New Partnerships This Summer, the first year, and when they visit home

This Summer Enjoy them! Engage in conversation about some of these topics and begin practicing new behaviors: talk with them about consent, how to say no to drugs or alcohol, etc. Give them permission to go. Reinforce that it is time for them to take this next step (for first generation students this may be a particularly important message) Give them a sense of being able to return – and not having to come home with only success stories to tell Check out resources: Sex. Positive app, safe. uoregon. edu

This Year When they call/text/Facebook you: Listen first, don’t provide all the answers. Rather, ask questions that allow them to come up with the answers/solutions themselves There will be “highs” and “lows”. If you experience a “low” in your telephone conversation – call back the next day – chances are that things have improved! Practice the 24 -hour rule Resist the urge to “fix” things. Ask yourself how you can teach them to be more independent and learn to problem solve Disappointment is a part of life – for them and for you. Learning to work through this is an important developmental task

When They First Visit Home Give them time to “settle in” and breathe Affirm the changes you observe in their appearance and their sense of self. Listen to them about their experience Renegotiate the boundaries – mealtimes, cars, money, new friends staying over, letting you know if they are going to be away all night, etc.

Partnering With The UO: Your Resources

Division of Student Life

Stay Informed & Involved The UO creates opportunities for parents and family members to stay involved, informed, and connected including family weekends and regional family activities through our Parent and Family Programs. Proactive web resources One-on-one support and connections to the University via phone, email, and Facebook The Parent and Family Association (PFA) was created as a way for parents and families to be constructively involved with the student experience

Office of the Dean of Students General referral source for students and parents. Be sure to visit our website: uodos. uoregon. edu 24 -hours per day, seven days per week a staff member is available for serious student emergency coverage. A staff member can be paged by UOPD, 541 -346 -2919 164 Oregon Hall ~ 541 -346 -3216 uodos@uoregon. edu