Details Lesson Two Two Parts of Editing What

Details Lesson Two

Two Parts of Editing: • What a piece of writing looks like deals with the conventions: spelling, grammar, punctuation, and neatness. One might refer to this as writing etiquette, or politeness to the reader. Going back to proofread and making appropriate changes is important so that your writing can be read. • What a piece of writing sounds like. Does it sound as good as it could? Do the sentences flow? Is it interesting? • More effort is involved to edit what it sounds like because it is more of a challenge to rearrange a sentence than it is to change lower case d to a capital D and add a period.

Say “NO” to Robot Writing I woke up. I had breakfast. I went to school. I had a test. I went home. Then I went to bed.

New Writing Technique Write a Fact—Add a Detail

The Power of Details Example 1: • I love snow. (General statement; a lot of people could say this. ) • I love snow. When it snows, I always do a “snow dance” in the kitchen! (Adding a detail after a fact makes the writing more interesting to read. )

Example 2: • I am a soccer player. I am a student. I have a brother. (This is robot writing because it sounds like you are reading out a list. ) • I am a soccer player. I play for the Pinnacles and this year we’re going to win the cup! I am also a student and I have to be organized to get my homework finished. My brother plays soccer as well, so it feels like our family is always on the run. (Writing a fact plus an example or detail makes the writing more interesting. )

Example 3: • My name is Cassandra. I’m eleven years old. I have reddish-brown hair. I have pale skin and freckles. I have blue-green eyes. I like to swim. I’m afraid of sharks. (This is robot writing because it sounds like you are reading out a list and it is not very interesting. ) • My name is Cassandra. I am eleven years old. I have hair the colour of cinnamon toast (without the crust), and fair skin, except where it’s speckled like an overripe banana. My eyes are like summer mountains (that’s blue with a little bit of green, in case you were wondering). I like to swim in anything except the ocean because I’m scared that a shark will bite my leg off. My mom says that sharks only swim in very warm water but I don’t believe her. (The reader feels that they are sharing something personal with the writer because she used personal details, voice and similes. )

Your turn. Make an outline first. I. Introduce yourself _____ 1. First fact about you ______ -detail ________ 2. Second fact about you ______ -detail ________ 3. Third fact about you _____ -detail ________ Cl. Wrap it up. ________

Your turn… • Try to make your writing flow and make it interesting for your reader. • You will need this writing next time for editing so make sure it does not get lost.