Dealing With Difficult CoWorkers Tips Strategies and the

Dealing With Difficult Co-Workers Tips, Strategies, and the Golden Rules

Gigi Bell @ SQLSpouse Pretty, Pretty SQL Registration Princess 18 years Professional Development & Training Acquisitions Administrator at Recorded Books

Identify Your People Network Mary Terry Marketing You John Edward Accounting

Golden Rule #1: Everyone is someone else’s weirdo!

The Steam Roller �Aggressive and angry �Make cutting remarks or throw tantrums when they do not get their way �Victims often feel like they have been trampled or flattened

The Sniper �Makes snide comments �King of the eye-rolls �Is a tattle-tale �Often considered backstabbers �Very sarcastic �Victims often feel and are made to look foolish

The Know-it-All �Generally competent, but do not like to be contradicted �Will always go out of their way to correct you �Can be imposing or condescending �May act pompous when it turns out they don’t know what they are talking about

The YES Person �Always Agreeable �Usually very reasonable, sincere, and supportive around others �Try to placate everyone �Often do not produce promised projects or act contrary to what they’ve led other to expect �Cannot provide good feedback/sounding board The NO Person �Spreads doom & gloom �Can completely sap the energy of everyone around them �Insists projects/goals are impossible �Often deflate any feelings of optimism others might have

The Waffler �Steers clear of making decisions that might hurt feelings �Will procrastinate until a decision is made for them �Will often just respond with a blank stare �Others are frustrated by a lack of response

Why do I have to deal ? ? ? �You do not have to LOVE your co-workers, you just need to tolerate them enough to work effectively with them. �Ignoring the conflict will just make simmer – even if it is just in your mind. �Worst case scenario is that the conflict worsens and becomes noticeable to other co-workers and even your boss – and now YOU are labeled as the “difficult” person!!

Golden Rule #2: Someone at home loves that weirdo!

Dealing With the Issue: 1. Examine yourself. 2. Try not to take it personally. 3. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. 4. Explore the issue with a trusted friend or colleague.

Direct Confrontation �Is it likely to achieve corrected action? �Is it practical/viable within the constraints of the situation? �Will the person/people involved be able to carry out the solution? �Pick your battles!

Talking it out �Communicate in private �Ensure understanding & communication �Use “I” rather than “you” �Be assertive but not obnoxious �Describe the behavior that is difficult and what you would like changed �Try to compromise �Reward positive behavior

Interacting by Type Steam Roller • Never meet them head-on • Allow the to blow off steam by speaking for awhile • Walk, or move closer to them, calling them by name • Present ideas in a friendly manner Sniper • Do not ignore a dig • Ask them if they meant that seriously or were they joking Know-it-all • Be certain your facts are correct • Put communication in writing • Do not allow them to talk on and on • Address each issue individually

Interacting by Type Yes Person (Everything is great) • Ask open-ended questions that require them to think No Person (We can’t do that) • Ask what we CAN do • What do you feel would be an appropriate time line? • Ask for their solutions Waffler • Ask to list choices so that they can try to work through their indecision • Help them narrow down choices

Reactions: Most people will change when you point out the difficult behavior. Watch for some pitfalls: �Apparent Compliance: Changes for a bit, but reverts back to typical pattern �Alibis: Employees transfer responsibility for problems elsewhere �Avoidance: Employee absents himself from the scene

Escalations �Keep your composure, or walk away. �If the situation is not resolved, you can request to meet with your co-worker and your employer. �Worst-case scenarios: transfer departments within the same company or quit.

Other situations: Manager to Employee You have an employee who does excellent work, but is: demanding, condescending, abrupt, tearful, insecure, etc. You don’t want to lose the good worker, but you need to correct the action. �Give the employee a corrective review that clearly describes the behavior, defined expectations, and time-frame to work within. Have a follow-up meeting, provide feedback, and clear oversight. �If you do not correct, other employees may start modeling the behavior of the one who is not corrected.

Other Situations: Employee to Manager Know their “why”: Identify prime motivations Work around their weaknesses. Take the high road. Speak up and give your boss a chance to respond. 5. Know their preferences and adapt to them. 6. Don’t be intimidated by a bully. 7. Be proactive – do your research before jumping ship. 1. 2. 3. 4.