Separation Anxiety at School RECOMMENDED NOT RECOMMENDED Acknowledge

Separation Anxiety at School RECOMMENDED NOT RECOMMENDED • Acknowledge their anxieties and worries and reassure him/her (one or two times). I know you’re worried Mum won’t come back to get you. There is no need to worry, she will come back. She will be there. Can be good to remind them that they were worried yesterday and remind them that Mum did come back and everything was ok. • Do not punish them for their anxiety and worry. Expressing resentment, anger, frustration is counterproductive. Be kind, consistent and apply rational pressure and encouragement. • Remain calm, matter of fact and firm during routine separations. Praise immediately and specifically upon separation (I’m so proud of you for remembering what to do when you say goodbye) • don’t hover, question or reassure excessively. This gives excessive attention to the distress and may actually be helping to maintain the behaviour • Create opportunities for repetition and practice. Encourage parent to do a brief (discussed and practised at home) goodbye (remind them not to go to other extreme and rush or this could heighten anxiety). Could practise at school – role play. • Do not offer a ‘bribe’ in the middle of a difficult separation. This is not to be confused with rewards given as a result of a ‘good separation’. The difference is in the timing and the language used. • Go through the schedule for the day. • allow the child to stay home (shown Explain where they are going, what to worsen symptoms, best results they will be doing and get parent to come from getting child to school) explain where they are going and what they will be doing (don’t make it too exciting). Focus on a link for when parent will be back (after your inside play etc) • Transitional Object - Could ask parent to send them with a ‘comfort item’ from home (not too large/intrusive). This could be something that they are looking after for the parent or just a reminder of home. • Do not trick/surprise them. For example, telling them they only need to stay a little while and then extending to whole day. Parent engaging them and then sneaking out the door. They will fear unknown, part of anxiety.

Separation Anxiety at School RECOMMENDED NOT RECOMMENDED • If drop-off was not good the day before…. Using routine, encourage parent (or adjust so you can do it) to talk about one area where they forgot the steps (brief, calm, factual). Talk about how they can do that part differently today, be specific. “Remember, when it’s time to go that I will kiss you, cuddle you and say goodbye and then you need to go and sit on the carpet and I will walk out the gate. • Do not endlessly quiz about why s/he feels scared. OK to talk about fears but often the child doesn’t know why or can’t explain it. When they can’t explain, can heighten anxiety, feelings of guilt. • Parent could enlist a friend/relative to do the ‘drop-off’ for a period until anxiety lessens. Alternatively, parent could drop child to a remote drop-off point at school (office) • tease/make fun of anxiety (“don’t be a baby etc) • May set up a reward system with a reward negotiated with child (10 mins at park, special game with Mum/ Dad). Start heavily with rewards and gradually diminish • linger, draw out the ‘goodbye’ • Decide ahead of time exactly who will handle child if they get upset when parent leaves and how that will happen. Parent needs to agree to walk away, even if child is upset. Can call to assure them later if needed. • Parent or teacher could give a warning that it’s almost time to say pack up etc to whole class. Could do 5 min and 2 min. • Parent to spend time with them when they return, preferably making note of something ‘fantastic’ they did at school today.

• In extreme cases, you may want to allow for a call home throughout the day for reassurance. • Encourage a routine for coming to school. Put bag/lunchbox away, say hello to teacher, find something to do, go through daily schedule, talk about when pick-up will happen, brief kiss and cuddle and say goodbye. Parent to walk away. Could put into a little story that parent reads/goes through with child at home, before coming to school. Child tells parents steps after story (praise) • Begin the program for the day with a ‘less structured’ activity to ease transition. • Give the child an individual schedule, including jobs to do. • Teach positive self-talk and calming strategies (squeeze hands and release, squeeze toes and release, stare at something and describe what you see, I can…, go do something you like etc)