www edriggins com Picking a Side Without Picking

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www. edriggins. com Picking a Side Without Picking a Fight C. R. E. A.

www. edriggins. com Picking a Side Without Picking a Fight C. R. E. A. T. E. better relationships with less conflict in business and in life. Ed Riggins “Riggo” © 2017, Riggo & Co. 1

www. edriggins. com First, these two things… Fair: “free from bias” Interest: “advantage or

www. edriggins. com First, these two things… Fair: “free from bias” Interest: “advantage or benefit” © 2017, Riggo & Co. 2

www. edriggins. com C R E A T E © 2017, Riggo & Co.

www. edriggins. com C R E A T E © 2017, Riggo & Co. 5

www. edriggins. com Currency Reliability Energy Alternatives Time Emotion © 2017, Riggo & Co.

www. edriggins. com Currency Reliability Energy Alternatives Time Emotion © 2017, Riggo & Co. 4

www. edriggins. com Currency is Exchanged Reliability Supports or Undermines Energy is Expended Alternatives

www. edriggins. com Currency is Exchanged Reliability Supports or Undermines Energy is Expended Alternatives Provide Leverage Time is Always a Factor Emotion Influences Everything Else © 2017, Riggo & Co. 5

www. edriggins. com Currency: is exchanged Cur-ren-cy: Article for bartering © 2017, Riggo &

www. edriggins. com Currency: is exchanged Cur-ren-cy: Article for bartering © 2017, Riggo & Co. 8

www. edriggins. com Offer Summary: Corporate Dispo $1 MM © 2017, Riggo & Co.

www. edriggins. com Offer Summary: Corporate Dispo $1 MM © 2017, Riggo & Co. 9

www. edriggins. com The 5 Love Languages (Dr. Gary Chapman) ØWords of Affirmation §

www. edriggins. com The 5 Love Languages (Dr. Gary Chapman) ØWords of Affirmation § “Thanks for taking the garbage out. “ spoken praise and appreciation ØActs of Service § "Actions speak louder than words“ Do something to help. ØReceiving Gifts ØQuality Time ØPhysical Touch © 2017, Riggo & Co. 12

www. edriggins. com Take Away My two volunteers? So what? Platinum Rule: Treat others

www. edriggins. com Take Away My two volunteers? So what? Platinum Rule: Treat others the way THEY want to be treated. © 2017, Riggo & Co. 13

www. edriggins. com Reliability: supports or undermines Reliability: Trustworthiness, dependability © 2017, Riggo &

www. edriggins. com Reliability: supports or undermines Reliability: Trustworthiness, dependability © 2017, Riggo & Co. 14

www. edriggins. com Asset Manager Call ! l i a “Any activity on our

www. edriggins. com Asset Manager Call ! l i a “Any activity on our property? ” F © 2017, Riggo & Co. 18

www. edriggins. com Don’t Be This Guy! “I am on a conference call right

www. edriggins. com Don’t Be This Guy! “I am on a conference call right now. ” © 2017, Riggo & Co. 19

www. edriggins. com Take Away So what? © 2017, Riggo & Co. 20

www. edriggins. com Take Away So what? © 2017, Riggo & Co. 20

www. edriggins. com Energy - is expended Energy: Strength that allows you to do

www. edriggins. com Energy - is expended Energy: Strength that allows you to do things © 2017, Riggo & Co. 21

www. edriggins. com Why kids are great negotiators © 2017, Riggo & Co. 22

www. edriggins. com Why kids are great negotiators © 2017, Riggo & Co. 22

www. edriggins. com Take Away So what? Never wrestle with a pig. You’ll get

www. edriggins. com Take Away So what? Never wrestle with a pig. You’ll get dirty. And besides, the pig likes it. George Bernard Shaw © 2017, Riggo & Co. 24

www. edriggins. com Alternatives – provide leverage Alternative: Offering or expressing a choice ©

www. edriggins. com Alternatives – provide leverage Alternative: Offering or expressing a choice © 2017, Riggo & Co. 17

www. edriggins. com B. A. T. N. A. Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement

www. edriggins. com B. A. T. N. A. Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement © 2017, Riggo & Co. 18

www. edriggins. com Alternatives – provide leverage …& must be earned Riggo’s bathroom. May

www. edriggins. com Alternatives – provide leverage …& must be earned Riggo’s bathroom. May 2005 © 2017, Riggo & Co. 19

www. edriggins. com What to do instead of “checking in”? (Again) Call someone new!

www. edriggins. com What to do instead of “checking in”? (Again) Call someone new! © 2017, Riggo & Co. 20

www. edriggins. com Take Away So what? “In negotiations, you should care. . .

www. edriggins. com Take Away So what? “In negotiations, you should care. . . but not that much. ” Herb Cohen © 2017, Riggo & Co. 21

www. edriggins. com Time – is a factor Time: The thing measured as seconds,

www. edriggins. com Time – is a factor Time: The thing measured as seconds, minutes, etc. © 2017, Riggo & Co. 22

www. edriggins. com The Real Estate Cycle Why not more free rent? Because I

www. edriggins. com The Real Estate Cycle Why not more free rent? Because I don’t have to! © 2017, Riggo & Co. 23

www. edriggins. com Stages of Grief 1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression

www. edriggins. com Stages of Grief 1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance © 2017, Riggo & Co. 24

www. edriggins. com Take Away Respond…don’t react. So what? © 2017, Riggo & Co.

www. edriggins. com Take Away Respond…don’t react. So what? © 2017, Riggo & Co. 25

www. edriggins. com Emotion –influences everything else Emotion: Feeling as distinguished from reasoning or

www. edriggins. com Emotion –influences everything else Emotion: Feeling as distinguished from reasoning or knowledge. . . typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body. © 2017, Riggo & Co. 26

www. edriggins. com Putting It All Together Currency Reliability Energy Emotion Alternatives Time ©

www. edriggins. com Putting It All Together Currency Reliability Energy Emotion Alternatives Time © 2017, Riggo & Co. 27

www. edriggins. com Maybe it all Starts Here… It’s an occupational hazard of being

www. edriggins. com Maybe it all Starts Here… It’s an occupational hazard of being packaged in a body. The whole universe is outside, and you are obviously the center of it… Jon Kabat-Zinn, UMass Medical School © 2017, Riggo & Co. So am I! 28

www. edriggins. com This Packaging Has Consequences Everyone has a plan… ‘til they get

www. edriggins. com This Packaging Has Consequences Everyone has a plan… ‘til they get punched in the mouth! © 2017, Riggo & Co. Mike Tyson 29

www. edriggins. com Recovery Times 90 seconds - for biochemistry to capture and release

www. edriggins. com Recovery Times 90 seconds - for biochemistry to capture and release you o Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph. D. Brain scientist (had a stroke) 20 minutes - to get over emotional flooding o John Gottman, Ph. D. Psychologist (relationship expert) © 2017, Riggo & Co. 30

www. edriggins. com Evolutionary Value of Emotions Fear Anger Joy Sadness Shame Disgust Jealousy

www. edriggins. com Evolutionary Value of Emotions Fear Anger Joy Sadness Shame Disgust Jealousy Love Emotion Benefit Fear Focuses attention when threatened Robert Augustus Masters Erin Olivio © 2017, Riggo & Co. 31

www. edriggins. com Evolutionary Value of Emotions Fear Anger Joy Sadness Shame Disgust Jealousy

www. edriggins. com Evolutionary Value of Emotions Fear Anger Joy Sadness Shame Disgust Jealousy Love Emotion Benefit Anger Protects self and resources Robert Augustus Masters Erin Olivio © 2017, Riggo & Co. 32

www. edriggins. com Evolutionary Value of Emotions Fear Anger Joy Sadness Shame Disgust Jealousy

www. edriggins. com Evolutionary Value of Emotions Fear Anger Joy Sadness Shame Disgust Jealousy Love Emotion Benefit Jealousy Preserves resources Robert Augustus Masters Erin Olivio © 2017, Riggo & Co. 33

www. edriggins. com FEAR False Future F Forget Expectations Events Everything Appearing Already And

www. edriggins. com FEAR False Future F Forget Expectations Events Everything Appearing Already And Real Ruined Run © 2017, Riggo & Co. 53

www. edriggins. com Awkwardly Clarifying “Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people

www. edriggins. com Awkwardly Clarifying “Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people we personally dislike. ” Oscar Wilde, Irish Poet Robert Augustus Masters © 2017, Riggo & Co. 35

www. edriggins. com “Masters” & “Disasters” of Relationships § 35 years of couple's study

www. edriggins. com “Masters” & “Disasters” of Relationships § 35 years of couple's study (gay & straight) § Timed video Dr. John Gottman, Psychological researcher § Measured § Heartrate § Blood velocity § Hand sweat § “Jiggleometer” Dr. John Gottman © 2017, Riggo & Co. 36

www. edriggins. com The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse § § Criticism - stating

www. edriggins. com The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse § § Criticism - stating the problem as a defect in the other Contempt - statement from a superior position Defensiveness - warding off a perceived attack Stonewalling - listener withdrawal Dr. John Gottman © 2017, Riggo & Co. 37

www. edriggins. com Most Important Thing You’ll Do Today? Breathe! © 2017, Riggo &

www. edriggins. com Most Important Thing You’ll Do Today? Breathe! © 2017, Riggo & Co. 38

www. edriggins. com Currency is Exchanged Reliability Supports or Undermines Energy is Expended Alternatives

www. edriggins. com Currency is Exchanged Reliability Supports or Undermines Energy is Expended Alternatives Provide Leverage Time is Always a Factor Emotion Influences Everything Else © 2017, Riggo & Co. 39

www. edriggins. com Take Away So what? Between stimulus and response there is space.

www. edriggins. com Take Away So what? Between stimulus and response there is space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. Viktor Frankl, Holocaust survivor, Author © 2017, Riggo & Co. 40