Writing Skills Concision and Clarity What are we

Writing Skills Concision and Clarity

What are we doing? � The focus of our writing skills lessons will be to learn to work within the rules and conventions of academic writing with good style. � Our theme = structure + creativity

Why are we doing it? � As writers and readers, we need to learn the difference between using a high level of vocabulary that accurately expresses what we are trying to say and using big words for the sake of using them. � Using high level words inaccurately is tacky and inappropriate for undergraduate level writing. � Clarity is always better than opacity. (See what I did there? )

Concision � Adds grace � Makes prose easier to read and understand � Is a good way to see how much of the writing is actually substance

Example � Some of AOL Time Warner’s major media competitors include News Corporation Ltd, which is a global media and entertainment media power located in Australia, and Viacom Inc, which is based in the United States and is one of the world’s leading media companies. Original � � AOL Time Warner’s major global media competitors include Australia-based News Corporation Ltd and U. S. -based Viacom Inc. Notice how this revision includes all the same information, but is clearer and easier to grasp. Revision

Techniques

Cutting Empty Modifiers � Women held an important place in social society. � Women held an important place in society. Original Revision

� Capitalism is accompanied by the ideal of freedom as something to be attained. � Capitalism is accompanied by the ideal of freedom. � Ideal refers to something that is to be attained. Original Revision

Use Strong Verbs � Anthony plays on the crowd’s emotions and successfully obtains their support. � Anthony plays on the crowd’s emotions and wins their support. � Since adverbs often prop up weak verbs, cut the adverb and use a stronger verb. Original Revision

Thesis Statements � � � Especially for thesis statements, it is important to not include too many ideas in one sentence. Be strong and clear. Original: Alien 3 is a fast-paced, emotionally tense film composed of a vast array of symbols and meanings, which reflect the political debates concerning women’s reproductive rights in 1990 s America. Revision: Alien 3 is a powerful allegory of the 1990 s American debate about women’s reproductive rights. � � � Half the length, twice the punch. Allegory replaces a vast array of symbols and meanings, capturing and sharpening the meaning with a single word. Powerful is more general, but replaces fast-paced, emotionally tense by getting the same idea across and the getting rid of the repetitiveness of emotionally tense, since tension is usually emotional.

Clarity � A motion was requested by the defendant for the case to be dismissed on the grounds that there was a failure on the part of the prosecution to establish the facts. This was accepted by the judge, and dismissal of the case was ordered. (44 words) Original � The defendant moved to dismiss the case on the grounds that the prosecution had not established the facts. The judge agreed and dismissed the case. (25 words) Revision

Clarity writing, often called legalese, is notorious for its lack of clarity and concision. � Legal �A good way to clarify your writing is to identify who did what.

Translation �A who the defendant the prosecution the judge did filed had not established agreed and dismissed what a motion facts the case motion was requested by the defendant for the case to be dismissed on the grounds that there was a failure on the part of the prosecution to establish the facts. This was accepted by the judge, and dismissal of the case was ordered.

Strategies

1) Choose Verbs Over Nominalizations �A nominalization is an action expressed as a noun rather than a verb. Verb act analyze examine fail perform � Using Nominalization action analysis examination failure performance a verb instead of a nominalization can make who does what clearer.

Verbs Over Nominalizations � The play is an examination of the conflict the conspirators face after the assassination of Julius Caesar. � The play examines the conflict the conspirators face after they assassinate Julius Caesar. Original Revision

Verbs Over Nominalizations � Assessment of his test performance showed satisfactory achievement. � He passed the test. Original Revision

Verbs Over Nominalizations Original: � Today, society witnesses the steady progress of women toward equality with their increasing presence in the working world and in government and their gradual move outside the home. � Revision: � Today, society witnesses women’s steady progress toward equality. Moving beyond the limits of the home, women are claiming new and increasing authority in government, business, and other traditionally male-dominated areas. � � In this example, the revision is actually longer, but it is divided into two sentences, so it is easier to follow. It also aligns the character with the grammatical subject, by making women the subject of the verb in the second sentence.

2) Choose Active Verbs Over Linking Verbs � An active verb describes an action, like run, speak, or paint. �A linking verb connects the subject of the sentence to information about that subject, like be, become, or seem.

Choose Active Verbs Over Linking Verbs �A mood of ambivalence is the main effect of the poem’s language and imagery. � The poem’s language and imagery evoke a mood of ambivalence. Original with a linking verb Revision with an active verb

3) Choose Active Voice Over Passive Voice � Choose the active voice over the passive voice.

When Is Passive Voice Useful? � Passive voice can be useful when you want to focus on the object: � The document was found in the governor’s personal library. � In this case, the document is the important part of the sentence.

When Is Passive Voice Useful? � � Passive voice can also be used to give a sentence a sense of excitement by identifying the agent at the end. Horses, mammoths, reindeer, bison, and a host of other mammals cascade in image along the cave walls over a distance of almost a hundred yards, over three hundred depictions in all. Delicately executed and meticulously observed, these varied and overlapping images were made by people of the late Ice Age, perhaps thirteen thousand years ago. (Ian Tattersall, Becoming Human) Cascade is a strong active verb in the first sentence which emphasizes the energy of the paintings. Were made by creates a sense of suspense and interest by focusing on the images and connecting them to the previous sentence.

However… � In academic writing, if the writers depend on the passive voice, it is possible that they are trying to obscure the issue or they do not know what they are talking about. � Imagine you confront your boyfriend or girlfriend about cheating on you and he says, “Mistakes were made”. That may not give you the honesty or clarity that you were hoping for.

One of my favorite examples… � Moses spends forty days on the mountain and comes back with the Ten Commandments. The Israelites have been busy while he was gone, and his brother Aaron has messed up: � And I said unto them, Whosoever hath any gold, let them break it off. So they gave it me: then I cast it into the fire, and there came out this calf. (Exod. 32: 23)

A More Serious Example � In a country where government officials regularly torture suspects, the authorities don’t like to admit to what their doing. � They say that at these sessions, � Education takes place. (Rosenthal 2000)

This is why clarity matters. � “The great enemy of clear language is insincerity, ” (Orwell 1968) � Writing clearly means writing honestly. This is not always easy to do, but it is our responsibility.