Writing Descriptions that Engage Your Reader and Advance

Writing Descriptions that Engage Your Reader and Advance Your Story Ali Luke Writers’ Huddle September Seminar, 2015

Example: The Night Circus, Erin Morgenstern (Opening lines) The circus arrives without warning. No announcements precede it, no paper notices on downtown posts and billboards, no mentions or advertisements in local newspapers. It is simply there, when yesterday it was not. The towering tents are striped in white and black, no golds and crimsons to be seen. No color at all, save for the neighboring trees and the grass of the surrounding fields. Black-and-white stripes on grey sky; countless tents of varying shapes and sizes, with an elaborate wrought-iron fence encasing them in a colorless world. Even what little ground is visible from outside is black and white, painted or powdered, or treated with some other circus trick.

Example: Black Swan Green, David Mitchell In the copse, the bridlepath joined up with a moon-cratered track. Trees knitted overhead, so only knots and loops of sky showed. Dark and cool, it was, and I wondered if I should’ve bought my coat. Down a hollow, round the bend, I came across a thatched cottage made of sooty bricks and crooked timber. Martins were busy under its eaves. PRIVATE, said a sign, hung on the slatted gate, where the name should go. Newborn flowers in the garden were Liquorish Allsorts blue, pink and yellow. Maybe I heard scissors. Maybe I heard a poem, seeping from its cracks. So I stood and listened, just for a minute, like a hungry robin listening for words.

Example: Ready Player One, Ernest Cline (Chapter two) I was curled up in an old sleeping bag in the corner of the trailer’s tiny laundry room, wedged into the gap between the wall and the dryer. I wasn’t welcome in my aunt’s room across the hall, which was fine by me. I preferred to crash in the laundry room anyway. It was warm, it afforded me a limited amount of privacy, and the wireless reception wasn’t too bad. And, as an added bonus, the room smelled like liquid detergent and fabric softener. The rest of the trailer reeked of cat piss and abject poverty.

Example: The Children’s Book, A. S. Byatt (First page) Julian was just fifteen, and a boarder at Marlowe School, but was home recovering from a nasty bout of jaundice. He was neither tall nor short, slightly built, with a sharp face and a sallow complexion, even without the jaundice. He wore his straight black hair parted in the centre, and was dressed in a school suit. Tom Wellwood, boyish in Norfolk jacket and breeches, was about two years younger, and looked younger than he was, with large dark eyes, a soft mouth, and a smooth head of dark gold hair.

Describing Characters Don’t bring the story to a halt. Focus on significant details. Don’t describe several characters at once. Consider letting the reader insert themselves.

Tip #1: You Need Description! Readers will want to picture the scene. If you’re struggling: • Close your eyes • Use a real place • Add it when revising

Tip #2: Specific, Telling Details The kitchen was messy and unhygienic, with unwashed dishes, unwashed surfaces, and crumbs all over the floor. The window clearly hadn’t been washed in years. The table. . . In the kitchen, a dozen unwashed mugs filled the sink. Something sticky had spilled by the toaster, attracting crumbs and flies.

Tip #3: Character Interaction Rachel forced the gate open, crushing back weeds and brambles. She stubbed her toe on a loose flagstone and cursed loudly. By the time Johnny’s train pulled in, dusk had fallen. The village had lost the sleepy feel of mid-afternoon; now the silent streets and shuttered windows seemed eerie.

Tip #4: Through Characters’ Eyes Supper was ready in the dining-hall. The table was laid with pretty earthenware plates and mugs, glazed in yellow, with a border of black-eyed daisies. The pottery was in chaos. There was a small kiln, at one end, its doors hanging open, revealing slumped shelves, and a mess of ash and shards of exploded vessels. There were pots drying on shelves along one wall, and floating ash and grit was settling on them in an undesirable way.

Tip #5: Minimal Adjectives The tall, fruit-laden trees created welcome shade on a blazingly hot summer’s afternoon. The fruit-laden trees created welcome shade on a summer’s afternoon. Jake and Sam stretched out in the shade under the fruit trees.

Tip #6: Use Details Later There was a proper fireplace, with tongs and fire irons on the hearth, along with an old metal bucket of coal. Could pick up on: • Fireplace: a fire being lit, papers destroyed. • The tongs and fire irons (possible weapon). • Bucket of coal – something valuable hidden?

Tip #7: Beware Metaphors & Similes The sky was as blue as Lydia’s new dress. At the funeral, the girls flocked like crows. The skyscrapers were mountains above him. Can end up sounding: • A bit forced • Slightly childish

Where Next? Worksheet and further reading at: www. writershuddle. com/seminars/sep 2015 Discuss the seminar in the forums: www. writershuddle. com/forums/seminars