Word clutter and readability Word clutter means using

Word clutter and readability

Word clutter means using more words than necessary to convey a written message. Why is this bad? • It wastes space, of course. • But more than that, it makes a story harder to read, and more tedious to get through. • Stories in the mass media that are hard to read don’t get read.

Word clutter • Usually word clutter litters the first drafts of articles. • When we go back to edit first drafts, often we can identify the clutter. • Unfortunately, writers in a hurry sometimes don’t have time to revise. • It’s up to editors to clear out the “deadwood. ”

Word clutter • It takes many years of experience to do a really efficient job at identifying word clutter. • For example, the sentence above could be more efficient. How could we rewrite? Answer:

Word clutter We might say this: It takes years of experience to identify word clutter efficiently. • It is possible, though, to catch word clutter offenders common in mass-media style writing. • Below are some of the most common examples of word clutter in mass media writing.

Word clutter • All of a sudden=suddenly. • the morning, the evening. Just use a. m. or p. m. • Located. This word is usually not necessary. Example: “It was located downtown. ” Just say “It was downtown. ”

More word clutter • Due to the fact that. Just say because. • A total of. Usually this is not necessary, as are the words “in cash. ” Example: “According to police, a total of $500 in cash was found in Hornbacher’s parking lot. Just say “According to police, $500 was found in Hornbacher’s parking lot. ”

More word clutter • At the present time. Just say now. • Asked if he. . Usually this clause is redundant. For example: “Asked if he plans to run for re-election, the senator responded, “I’ll run for re-election as long as the voters want me. ” Just use the quote.

Attributions • Note that you don’t have to keep repeating “he said, she said” when it’s obvious who’s talking. • Attributions should be in the same tense throughout the story, either present (“says”) or past (“said”). • Past tense in attributions is often used for hard news stories, present tense for features. • You may sometimes vary “said” with words like “pointed out” or “added. ” • Avoid the clumsy attributions “commented” or “stated, ” unless it truly was a formal statement.

Nominalizations This means taking a verb form and making a noun out of it. (What is a noun? A person, place or thing. What is a verb? An action word. ) • Mass media writing emphasizes people doing things, and favors active verbs. We want to avoid setting up nominalizations. • Two common nominalizations: made a study of, made an investigation of. • Just say studied or investigated.

More word clutter • Avoid using two words when one suggests the other. Examples: Personal friend=friend. Blue in color=blue. Exact replica. A replica is exact, no need for the repetition. Qualified expert. Why would an expert not be qualified? New record. A record is always new. Completely destroy. Destroy is complete. Otherwise, say damaged. Or that favorite of flight attendants: “Be sure to take all of your personal belongings with you. ” As opposed to your impersonal ones, apparently. Perhaps can leave those for the cleaning people.

Jargon • “Party, parties, ” meaning people. This is law enforcement jargon often picked up by mass media. “Facility” also is jargon, and usually can be substituted with a more specific word. Example: “Police said two parties broke into the facility and stole six bottles of Captain Morgan rum. ” • Be specific: “Police said two people broke into the liquor store and stole six bottles of Captain Morgan rum. ”

More extra words • At its regular meeting (not their, of course) is usually not necessary when referring to committees or boards. Example: “The Fargo City Commission at its regular meeting Tuesday declared a moratorium on bike path construction. ” Just say, “The Fargo City Commission Tuesday declared a moratorium on bike path construction. ” Have a need for, in need of=need.

Time and date At and on are often superfluous. Example: “The campus Phi Kappa Phi chapter will meet at 7: 30 p. m. on Tuesday in the Memorial Union Lark Room. ” Just say, “The campus Phi Kappa Phi chapter will meet 7: 30 p. m. Tuesday in the Memorial Union Lark Room. ”

Addresses • Usually we can delete the words “at the intersection of, ” because two crossing roads obviously intersect. Example: “Police found a stray dog at the intersection of University Drive and 12 th Avenue South. ” “Police found a lost dog at University Drive and 12 th Avenue South. ”

More common deadwood • Noon luncheon. Just say luncheon; all luncheons are at noon. • Detailed information is available upon request at. . Details are available at. . • General public. The public is general, so usually no need for that word. • Spelling warning: Spell check won’t catch the commonly misspelled phrase “publically-held. ” It should be “publiclyheld. ” • Held. Generally this word isn’t necessary. Example: “The rally will be held Friday. ” “The rally will be Friday. ” • Useful solution. If it’s not useful, it’s not a solution.

More common deadwood • The incident. Usually not needed. Example: “She investigated the incident. ” (And avoid the nominalization “made an investigation of. . ”) “She investigated. ” • Guest speaker. Just say speaker. • If that were the case=If so. • At this point in time=now.

Still more common deadwood • “Which” or “who” often are superfluous. Examples: “The book, which is a biography, includes descriptions of White House staff. ” Just say, “The book, a biography…. ” “The students who are attending the class must bring pencils. ” Just say, “The students attending the class…. ” “As a result of=“because. ”

Does it matter? • “A small detail, you say—not worth bothering about. It is worth bothering about. The game is won or lost on hundreds of small details. • “Writing improves in the direct ratio to the number of things we can keep out of it that shouldn’t be there. ” --William Zinsser, On Writing Well.