Why Study Communication The Only Completely Portable Skill

Why Study Communication? • The Only Completely Portable Skill • You will use it in every relationship • You will need it regardless of your career path • The “Information Age” • The history of civilization is the history of information • Language and written documents facilitate the transfer of information and knowledge through time and space

Why Study Communication? • Your Quality of Life Depends Primarily on Your Communication Skills • You Cannot Be Too Good at Communication • People Overestimate Their Own Communication Skills

We Want Others to Change

What Is Communication? • Transfer of Meaning—No • Influence of Mental Maps—Yes • Redundant • Visual • Auditory • Kinesthestic • Energetic

What Is Communication? • Conscious and Intentional • Nonverbal • Verbal • Unconscious and Unintentional • Nonverbal • Verbal

Unconscious Processing • • • Conscious Processing = 7± 2/Second Unconscious Processing = 200, 000/Sec. Short-term Memory Long-term Memory Habits • Physical • Mental

Habits • Learned Behavior • Established Over Time • Practice • Self-talk • Change

Learning • • • Unconscious Incompetence Conscious Competence Unconscious Competence Mastery

External Reality • The Map is Not the Territory • • We delete information We distort information We generalize We assign meaning • Models of the World

Sensory Data • The Building Blocks of Subjective Experience • What we see • What we hear • What we touch, taste, and smell • The Four-tuple • Meanings and Memories

Filtering Experience • Primary Mediation • Secondary Mediation • • • Genetic predisposition Conditioning Personal profiles of behavioral type Beliefs, values, core questions, and core metaphors Physical and mental state

Perception Can Be Tricky

The Communication Process Filters Beliefs Values Questions & Metaphors Beh. Type State Decision. Making Sensory Data Message Encoding Sender Channel Filters Decision. Making Beliefs Values Questions & Metaphors Beh. Type State Encoding Receiver The Bowman Communication Model, 1992 -2003

Metaphor: The Language of Perception • Metaphors and Similes • My love is a flower. • My love is like a flower. • Core Metaphors • • Argument is war Business is a sport or a game Business is a building

Core Metaphors • Metaphors, Similes, and Analogies • Perceptual Filters • Common Operational Metaphors • • • Time is… Learning is… Men/Women are… Success is. . . Life is…

Experience, Language, and Meaning Language Meaning Mental Maps Sensory Data Experience

Symbol Systems • Language • Words and sentences • Meaning and labels • Mathematics • Money

History of Communication • Nonverbal: • Oral: • Written: • • • 150, 000 years 55, 000 years 6, 000 years Early writing: 4000 BC Egyptian hieroglyphics: 3000 BC Phoenician alphabet: 1500 to 2000 BC Book printing in China: 600 BC Book printing in Europe: 1400 AD

Communicating Meaning • Physiology and Appearance: • Paralanguage: • Language: 55 percent 38 percent 7 percent

Sensory Data and Mental Maps • Bridge Between Internal and External • Internal and External Processing • Internal Processing • Posture and breathing • Language and paralanguage • Eye accessing cues

Sensory Modalities • Visual • Auditory • Kinesthetic • • Touch Taste Smell Emotional responses (feelings)

Preferred Sensory Modalities • • People Use All Their Available Senses Some Prefer Visual Some Prefer Auditory Some Prefer the Kinesthetic Cluster • Senses of touch, taste, and smell • Associated emotional responses • Some Prefer “Digital” Processing

Visuals • Vocabulary • • • I see what you mean. It looks good to me. Let’s stay focused on the problem. She has a bright future. He’s always in a fog. • Physiology and Appearance • Paralanguage

Auditories • Vocabulary • • • I hear what you are saying. It sounds good to me. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? That’s music to my ears. He’s always blowing his own horn. • Physiology and Appearance • Paralanguage

Kinesthetics (Kinos) • Vocabulary • • • I can grasp the concept, and it feels right to me. It smells fishy to me. It left me with a bad taste in my mouth. She’s still rough around the edges. He’s a smooth operator. • Physiology and Appearance • Paralanguage

Eye Accessing Cues Vc Ac K Vr Ar Ai

Exercise: Observing Eye Movements • Ask questions that require internal processing. • Visual • Auditory • Kinesthetic • Taste or smell • Touch • Emotions

Exercise: Flexibility • Determine your preferred system. • What are you doing when you “think”? • Speak for two minutes using predicates from one sensory modality, then do the same for each of the other two. • Work in groups and take turns speaking using sense-based predicates in a systematic way.

Rapport • Finding Commonalities • Values • Vocabulary and paralanguage • Physiology and appearance • Matching and Mirroring • Cross-over Matching People who are like each other, like each other.

Developing Rapport • Nonverbal (what you see and do) • Physiology • Appearance • Congruence • Verbal (what you hear and say) • Sense-based predicates • Values, beliefs, and criteria • Voice tone and rate of speech

Reading Nonverbal Messages • Sensory Acuity • Agree and Disagree • Posture and Movement • Associated or dissociated • Bodily response

Exercises: Rapport • Matching and Mirroring • Observing others • Practicing • Calibration • Like/dislike • Yes/no

Congruence • Physiology • Left/right body • Left/right brain • Nonverbal and Verbal Messages • “Parts” • Groups

Strategies • The Structure of Subjective Experience • Four-tuples • Syntax • Learned Behavior • TOTE (Test, Operate, Test, Exit) • Habits • Skills

Common Strategies • Spelling • Auditory (spell “phonics” phonetically) • Visual • Making Decisions • Communicating • Listening and speaking • Writing

Decision-making Strategies • Purchasing • An inexpensive product • Dinner in a nice restaurant • An expensive product or service • Relationships • Career Choices

Communication Strategy, 1 & 2 • Pace • Match (nonverbally and verbally) • Meet expectations • Lead • Set direction • Maintain interest • Maintain rapport

Communication Strategy, 3 & 4 • Blend Outcomes • Understand objectives and desires • Create win-win solutions • Motivate • Clarify who does what next • Future-pace possibilities • Presuppose positive results

Exercise: Eliciting Strategies • Ordering a Meal in a Restaurant • Learning Something New • Teaching Something for the First Time

Personal Profiles • • Achiever Communicator Specialist Perfectionist A C P S

Profile Characteristics • Achiever • Likes to set goals, challenge the environment and win. • Sees life as a competition. • Communicator • Likes to achieve results by working with and through people. • Finds more enjoyment in the process than in the results. • Specialist • Likes to plan work and relationships. • Finds enjoyment in knowing what to expect. • Perfectionist • Enjoys jobs requiring attention to detail. • Complies with authority and tries to provide the “right” answer.

Metaprograms • • Action Direction Source Conduct — — Initiate or Respond Toward or Away From Internal or External Rule Follower or Breaker

More Metaprograms • • Response Scope Cognitive Style Confirmation — — Match or Mismatch Global or Specific Thinking or Feeling VAK and Times

Exercise: Eliciting Metaprograms • Metaprograms are revealed by • Nonverbal messages • Language • Questions • What do you mean? • How do you know? • What’s important to you about that?

Changing Behavior • Patterns and Pattern Interrupts • Anchors and Anchoring • Stimulus-response conditioning • Visual, auditory, and kinesthetic anchors • Advanced Language Patterns • The Metamodel • The Milton Model

Exercise: Anchoring • Setting Anchors • Kinesthetic • Visual • Auditory • Stacking Anchors • Collapsing Anchors • Using Sliding Anchors

The Structure of Subjective Experience • Sorting for Time • Past, present, and future • Timelines • Sorting for Like and Dislike • Creating and Changing Meaning

Modalities and Submodalities • Visual Submodalities • Location, size, distance, brightness, point of view • Color or black & white, moving or still • Auditory Submodalities • Location, tone, rate, pitch, inflection, rhythm • Language, voice (your voice, the voice of a parent) • Kinesthetic Submodalities • Location, strength, duration, movement • Quality (warm, cold, “tingly, ” etc. )

Exercise: Changing Submodalities • Select something, someone, or an activity you want to like better. • Elicit submodalities for • Things you like. • Things you dislike. • Change the submodalities with which you represent the thing, person, or activity.

Belief Systems • • Cultural Parental Group Individual • Global (Identity) • Cause-effect • If X, then Y • If I study, then I will. . . • Rules • Can/can’t • Must/must not • Should/should not

Values • A Type of Belief • Hierarchical • Either Positive or Negative • Something desired • Something to avoid • Congruent or Incongruent

Core Questions • • • Remain Out of Conscious Awareness Focus Attention Influence Interpretation of Events Influence Psychological State Influence the Range of Possibilities

Exercise: Belief and Disbelief • Elicit the submodalities of something you believe absolutely. • Elicit the submodalities of something you doubt. • Elicit the submodalities of something you disbelieve. • Select a limiting belief and change its submodalities.

Frames and Reframes • The Filters That Determine Meaning • Influence State and Behavior • Creating and Changing Frames • Anchoring • Reframing Context • Reframing Content

Reframing Context • Key Questions • Where would the characteristic or behavior be useful? • When would the characteristic or behavior be useful? • What would have to be true for this to be useful? • Common Context Reframes • Rudolph’s red nose • Oil • Procrastination

Reframing Content • Key Questions • • What else could this mean (or be)? What am I missing here? How can he or she believe that? How could this mean the opposite of what I thought? • Common Content Reframes • The ugly duckling • Plastic or sawdust • Failure

The Metamodel • • Used to Understand Another’s Mental Maps Used to Recover Lost Information Used to Help Correct Distortions Universal Metamodel Questions • • What, who, or how specifically? What do you mean? How do you know? What would happen if you did (or didn’t)?

Metamodel “Violations” • Unspecified Nouns • Abstract nouns (a student, teachers) • Nominalizations (freedom, justice) • Unspecified or Missing Pronouns • Someone you know. . • It’s wrong to think that.

Metamodel “Violations” • Unspecified Verbs • You have to learn this. • You will solve your problems. • Unwarranted Generalizations • You never want to do anything. • Politicians are crooks.

Metamodel “Violations” • Unwarranted Comparisons • Brand X gives you more. • Sally is the best. • Unwarranted Rules • You can’t do that on television. • Clean your plate. • No pain, no gain.

The Milton Model • Used to Change Another’s Mental Maps • Used to Create New Possibilities • Used to Influence

Milton Model Techniques • Metamodel “Violations” • Unspecified nouns, pronouns, and verbs. • Generalizations • Comparisons • Shifts in referential index

More Milton Model Techniques • • Presuppositions Embedded Questions Embedded Commands Negative Commands Metaphors Quotes Ambiguities

Basic Language Skills • My automobile prefers to warm up slowly. • The organization is in excellent shape. For example, the record profits last year. • The company has decided to purchase new furniture. • While busy working at the computer all day was no doubt the cause of her eye strain and stiff neck.

More Basic Language Skills • Not only will Alex need to justify his behavior to his boss, but also to the company president. • The data is from “Service Is the Key”, by Eileen Johnson in the May issue of The Journal of Customer Relations.

Language Skills for Case 1 • As an employee of Con-U-Tel, it is my responsibility to set up our companies annual convention. • I am writing this letter to inquire about your hotel’s accommodations. • How many people can your hotel accommodate at one time?

More Language Skills for Case 1 • Does your hotel have banquet facilities? • How many conference rooms does your hotel have with audio/visual equipment? • I must have your answer by July 10 th so that I can make a decision. • Thank you in advance for sending this and other helpful information.

Block Format and Mixed Punctuation • Date goes on left margin • 5 January 2004 • January 5, 2004 • NOT: 1/5/2004 or 5. 1. 2004 • Inside address includes the following: • • Name of the individual with courtesy title Professional title and/or office or department Organization plus “mail stop” information City, state, and ZIP code information

Block Format and Mixed Punctuation—Part 2 • Salutation • Dear Ms. Goldman: • Dear Director: • Ladies and Gentlemen: • The signature block includes the following: • An appropriate complimentary close (Sincerely, Cordially, Best Wishes) • The signature of the person who wrote the letter • The typed/printed name of the writer

Message Structure for Case 1 • Ask the most important question. • What is the make-or-break question? • Why are convention facilities more important than guest rooms? • Why is it important to include the dates in the opening question? • Explain your needs. • What does she need to know to help you? • What does she not need to know? • What is required for transition to the list of secondary questions?

More Structure for Case 1 • Ask your secondary questions. • What is implied by the numbered list? • How do you ensure that the information you receive will help you make a decision? • Set and justify an end-date. • Is it possible that she can help you in ways you haven’t asked about? • Why do you need a time index to justify a specific enddate?