When Love Dies Presentation by Jamie Knopf PSY

When Love Dies Presentation by Jamie Knopf PSY 546 Week 7 Additional Assignment

What is marital disaffection? l It “is the gradual loss of an emotional attachment. . . ” (Kayser, 6)

The demographics of the study l l 49 spouses Ages: 21 -68 None were married to each other Years married to their partner: 2 -39

The phases of marital disaffection l Phase One: Disappointment

Disappointment l Feelings: l l Thoughts: l l Anger, hurt, disillusionment. Awareness, unmet expectations, assuming responsibility. Behaviors: l Attempts to solve problems, please partner, avoids and passively copes.

The phases of marital disaffection l l Phase One: Disappointment Phase Two: Between disappointment and disaffection.

Between Disappointment & Disaffection l Feelings: l l Thoughts: l l Intense anger & hurt Negative traits are pattern; evaluating rewards and costs; considering staying or going Behaviors: l Attempts to solve, but more directly; begins withdrawal from marriage

The phases of marital disaffection l l l Phase One: Disappointment Phase Two: Between disappointment and disaffection. Phase Three: Reaching disaffection

Reaching Disaffection l Feelings: l l Thoughts: l l Anger, apathy, hopelessness Planning to end marriage; still evaluates costs & rewards; focusing on negatives & blaming the partner Behaviors: l Actions to dissolve marriage; problem solving; seeks counseling

What causes disaffection? l l l Mutuality and control Lack of emotional intimacy Ineffective conflict resolution Attributions for problems Individual Happiness more important Alternative attractions

For the CFLE l l l Importance of premarital ministry. Marital support and ministry at the church or community organization. Marriage resources.

Most importantly… l “ Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ love us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. ” –Ephesians 5: 1 -2

Reference l Kayser, Karen. (1993). When Love Dies. The Guilford Press, New York, NY.