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“Talking for a Purpose”™ Language to Increase Compliance Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say

Overview Of Session…. • Ms Morrish – Background and experiences • Outline explaining the origins and development of “Talking for a Purpose” • Complete all the sub-sections of the program including various activities. • Introduce to you Aaron (case example)

Background & Experiences Empowering Teachers, Parents and Children

Teacher Focused Teacher self management skills

Philosophy Beliefs, Thoughts and Philosophy Teacher Focused Behaviour Training

What would you like to learn from today’s training?

The Origins of “Talking for a Purpose”

“Talking for a Purpose” Overview To: • Reduce oppositional and defiant behaviors and increase compliant behaviours. By: • Saying What You Mean: Increasing teachers understanding in the importance, of their responses and language interactions, when managing children’s challenging behaviours. • Meaning What You Say: Developing appropriate behavioral language in order to increase compliance.

“Talking for a Purpose” Components Empowering Teachers - “but I just don’t know what to do with him!” • • My behaviour matters – developing teacher regulation. Breaking the Cycle of Defiance Response Button Teachers Responses – effective? Redundant Questions. Exact Moment Behaviours. Effective Commands.

Theoretical Base Patterson (1986) Coercion Process Baumrind (1960’s) parenting styles Eyberg (2001) PCIT (Parent Child Interactional Therapy)

Introducing Aaron….

Teacher View Impulsive Doesn’t Follow Directions Manipulative Explosive Aggressive Refuses Controlling Always Wants The Last Word

Hospitalised / Self Harm Doesn’t Follow Directions Single Parent Younger Brother Sickle Cell Bi - Polar Speech and Language / Communication Difficulties Dysfunctional Relationship With Father

Teacher View “I just don’t know what to do with him. He doesn’t listen. He refuses to follow directions. He disrupts the whole class and I just can’t teach. He just wants to do whatever he wants to do, whenever he wants to do it. I just can’t cope with him, he frustrates me”.

What pushes your button? And…….

How do you respond?

Teacher Responses Initial Response Verbal Response

Increasing Self Awareness “The first step toward change is awareness” - Nathaniel Branden

Teacher – Self Management “Stop and Think BEFORE You Speak” Effective communicators do not use a lot of words, they choose their words carefully, in advance.

Activity Divide a piece of paper into three sections Section 1 Section 2 Section 3

Section 1 - Behaviour Concerns List five behaviours in your class that you would like to decrease.

Section 2 - Responses How did you respond?

Redundant Questions Because you never say what you mean……. Why don’t you ever listen! listen?

What is a Redundant Question? • A question that does not need to be asked. • The question is not related to what the teacher wants to happen. • Unfortunately, the students answers are not what the teacher wants to hear. • Students responses to redundant questions annoy of even infuriate the questioner, as the answers are usually extremely relevant and precise.

Redundant vs Appropriate Questions If you WANT the answer, it is NOT redundant. Context in which you asked the question is a significant factor. STOP and THINK BEFORE you speak!

What are three common categories of Redundant Questions?

Common categories of Redundant Questions Why Will Can

The Wills • Will you ever grow up? • Will you ever be able to walk without me having to take you? • Will you ever understand what a good choice is? • Will you sit still for once? • Will you behave yourself?

The Whys • Why do I have to ask you a hundred times? • Why don’t you ever listen? • Why are you running? • Why do you have that on your head? • Why are you talking? • Why aren’t you doing your work? • Why do I bother even trying to help you?

The Cans • Can you stop talking? • Can you listen for once? • Can you even be bothered? • Can you behave yourself?

Redundant Question Child’s Response Why do I have to ask you a hundred times? Because you’re a rubbish teacher No, this is only number 99. Because it’s fun Why are you running? I am late for class It is quicker if you run I am a fast runner, watch Will you ever grow up? I hope so I don’t want to be this size forever I am only 6. Can you listen for once? What did you say? Something about listening OK but only once

Why do you think Redundant Questions are so common?

Self Evaluating Question – Limiting Redundant Questions What is the question you ask yourself BEFORE you speak?

Self Evaluating Question – “ Do I want an answer? ”

Redundant Statement

The Don’ts • Don’t run. • Don’t shout • Don’t put your picture there • Don’t be silly • Don’t sit there • Don’t talk to me like that!

DON’T!!

Exact Moment Behaviour ‘EMB’ • Effective command can replace Redundant Questions. • However, before that stage, teachers need to become conscious that what they are saying is not what they actually want.

Exact Moment Behaviour What you want in that moment is the ONLY thing you say. Not the eventual outcome.

Self Evaluating Question – Exact Moment Behaviour What is the question you ask yourself BEFORE you speak?

Self Evaluating Question – “ What do I want him/her to do NOW ? ”

Remember! Only ask/state what you WANT DO NOT ask/state what you don’t want

Redundant Question Why are you running? Can you stop pushing? Will you stop calling out? Exact Moment Behaviour

Exact Moment Behaviour (EMB) What do you WANT to Happen? What are you going to say?

Giving Effective Commands When a command is given, the end result is not always compliant behaviours. What needs to be addressed is how the teacher is delivering the command. When giving effective commands, four teacher behaviours need to increase and one teacher behaviour needs to decrease.

Effective Commands The “MB’s”

Why do you think it is important to increase your proximity?

Increasing Proximity When giving a command, proximity needs to be increased as this will help to: • The clarity of the command • Gain the student’s attention • Reduce the risk of shouting and repetition • Reduce the risk of negative responses if the command is “Ignored” or not heard • Reduce the opportunity to embarrass students infront of their peers.

Always Model What You Want To See or Hear Reflective Questions? • Do you always model positive classroom behaviours? • Have you ever shouted (in frustration) across your classroom asking for “Quite Voices” due to the noise levels? • How do you model the required noise level in your classroom?

Effective Communication It is suggested that: • Words account for only 7% of the message • Tone of Voice accounts for 38% of the message • Body Language accounts for 55% of the message

Tone of Voice and Body Langauage It is often difficult to “look” and “sound” like you mean it when giving a command. Increasing tone of voice can be particularly difficult, especially if it is viewed this as an opportunity to shout! Conscience that body language is non threatening or confrontational.

Tone Depth How does a deeper tone affect the listener? Research done by Department of Psychology, University of Pittsburgh , USA indicates that people make instinctive judgements of others based upon the tone of the voice of the speaker. Specifically, people judge those with deeper voices as having more authority. This is thought to be a linked to the time where status was based upon physical power and strength. Heavier, physically bigger people have deeper voices than smaller people. Bigger people were viewed as dominant, so deep voices were associated to higher status. So a deeper voice lends more authority.

‘Drop and Stretch’

The Power Of Words The Tone of voice we use is responsible for about 35 -40 percent of the message we are sending. I didn’t say you stole my money.

Activity In pairs write out a classroom instruction, using the same sentence seven times. Then highlight the words to be emphasised. Read the sentences to each other and note the impact of the highlighted word.

Tone of Voice Then ask yourself? • Is my voice clear so that everyone will understand me? • Am I shouting? • Do I sound confident? • Would people listen to me?

Reflective Question Be honest with yourself, do you need to work on your tone? Reflective Activity Talk to a co-worker and ask for their honest opinion. “What does my tone of your voice sound like to you? Does it reflect confidence? Strength? Assurance? Fear? Boredom? Immaturity? ”

Body Language

Some Possibilities: Raised eyebrows may be saying: 'I don't believe that. ' 'I doubt, or I question what ever you are saying. ' A scrunched forehead may say: 'I'm thinking hard' or 'I'm angry and stressed. ' A wrinkled up nose may signal distaste. 'I don't like whatever you've just told me or I've just seen. ' Biting at your lips can be seen as anxiety or intense concentration. A rigid jaw is often interpreted as trying to keep things under control particularly anger. (www. write-out-loud. com)

In the Mirror Would you take yourself seriously?

Impact of Gestures “Your choice of words is important, but even more important is your tone of voice and your body language. The better you can coordinate all three of those ingredients, the more impact your message will have, and the greater the likelihood that a person will both understand it and react the way you want him to” (Brian Tracy)

Additional Exercise: Watch videos of famous speeches and instead of listening to the speech focus on the speaker's body language. Turn the sound off. When you turn it back on again, notice how speech and movement combine to create the whole impression.

Effective Commands The “MB’s” What decreases?

Decreasing Sentence Length Words are often added when the frustration starts… Ok, I will say it again… I just asked you to…. .

Effective Communication Children with ADHD often only process about 30 % of what they hear. (Barkley, 2002)

Teacher – Self Management “Stop and Think BEFORE You Speak” Effective communicators do not use a lot of words, they choose their words carefully, in advance.

Effective Pausing…. A pause in the right place at the right time gives YOU time to: • Breath • Think BEFORE you speak • “What do I want to happen now? ” (EMB) • “Do I want an answer? ” • Become conscious of your tone and body language • Be comfortable with the silence

Remember Aaron….

“The way we talk to children affects whether they comply; but we need to say the right thing in the right way, every time. ” (Ms Morrish, Change Behaviour)

Ms Morrish founder of Change Behaviour, reserves the rights of the following behaviour interventions: “Talking for a Purpose, ” Language to Increase Compliance Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say. The above named behaviour intervention cannot be modified in anyway or shared with any other interested parties, unless permission is given by the Behaviour Consultant.

“Everything begins with the decision to take the first step. From that action, wisdom arises and change begins. Without action, nothing changes. ” Ms Morrish Independent Behaviour Consultant