Verbal Communication The Way People Speak Vocabulary heated

Verbal Communication: The Way People Speak

Vocabulary • heated conversation: conversation characterized by argument, loudness, a rapid exchange of words, and interruptions • hesitant conversation: conversation characterized by politeness, indirectness, pauses, and a lack of interruptions • direct communication: a style of talking in which speakers do not avoid issues, they “get to the point” • indirect communication: a style of talking in which speakers tend to avoid issues, hesitate, and “talk in circles” • conversation structure: the way people converse, the pattern of their conversations • judgment: an opinion, thought, or critical conclusion

I. Verbal Communication: The Way People Speak • Cultures influence communication styles. • Cultural styles can and do create misunderstanding in conversations among people from different cultures.

I. 1 -Conversational Involvement • “High involvement” styles: talking more, interrupting more, expecting to be interrupted, talking more loudly at times, talking more quickly • “High considerateness” styles: speaking one at a time, using polite listening sounds, refraining from interrupting, and giving plenty of positive and respectful responses

I. 2 -Incorrect Judgment of Characters • Americans can have problems while talking to one another because of some differences. For example, New Yorkers tend to talk faster and respond more quickly (“high involvement”) than Californians (“high considerateness”). To some New Yorkers, Californians seem slower, less intelligent, and not as responsive as them. To some Californians, New Yorkers seem pushy and domineering. • The judgments that people make about regional differences within a country are similar to those they make about people from another culture. • The important differences in communication create problems of stereotyping and incorrect judgments among members of diverse groups.

I. 3 -Directness and Indirectness • In the mainstream American culture, the ideal form of communication is directness • Cultural groups misjudge each other based on different beliefs about directness and honesty in communication.

I. 4 - American Male-Female Differences in Directness • American women have traditionally been less direct than men in making requests, expressing criticism, and offering opinions. • Women tend to be more direct than men when talking about emotional issues and feelings. • Nowadays, women are more direct when making suggestions, giving criticism, and expressing ideas.

I. 5 -Cross-Cultural Implications • Americans may judge members of cultural groups that value indirectness as not being assertive enough. • When Americans go to work in countries where indirectness is valued, they may need to modify their communication style.

II. CONSERVATION STRUCTURES II. 1 - Some foreigners have observed that when Americans hold a conversation, it seems like having a Ping-Pong game. • One person has a ball and then hits it to the other side of the table. The other player hits the ball back and the game continues. If one person does not return the ball, then the game stops. • Each part of the conversation follows this pattern: the greeting and the opening, the discussion of a topic, and the closing and farewell. • If either person talks too much, the other may become impatient and feel that the other is monopolizing the conversation. • Similarly, if one person does not say enough or ask enough questions to keep the conversation moving, the conversation stops.

II. 2 - In verbal communication, Vietnamese people highly value formality, respect and interpersonal harmony. • • • It is said that respect is the cornerstone of interpersonal relationships in Vietnamese society. To avoid signs of disrespect, the Vietnamese probably do not express their disagreement. They often keep silent or reply indirectly, instead. To prevent conflict in relationships, Vietnamese people often prefer to talk about sensitive subjects, such as politics and sex indirectly. Besides, Vietnamese people always use Mr. or Ms or a title plus the first name when greeting others to address people formally and respectfully. Although the Vietnamese may nod their heads and use the word “yes” or “ya” to express respect and indicate that they are listening attentively, this does not necessarily show their understanding and agreement.

II. 3 - The Vietnamese are great story-tellers and orators Whenever the Vietnamese meet, they talk about their neighbors and friends as a form of entertainment. Many topics regarded as personal or confidential one Western countries may be openly discussed in Vietnam. For example, the following questions are usually asked by the Vietnamese when they first meet each other. • How old are you? (This information is necessary in order to select correct pronouns in Vietnamese. ) • Are you married? • Do you have children? Why not? Is there anything wrong with your wife? • How much money do you earn?

• People are also very interested in where you have been, who you have seen and what you have done. In this way, information flows very quickly. As a result, the accuracy of the information is not always important to the story-teller. • Because the Vietnamese society values stability in social relations, relationships tend to be extremely intimate. The Vietnamese are profoundly romantic, not only in a sexual sense but also in their feelings towards their extended family, ancestors, home villages and country. • Visitors will be interested in this guide to regulate their gestures and polite behavior when talking to Vietnamese people.

II. 4 - “Ping-Pong” and “Bowling” Conversation Styles An example of a conversation style that contrasts with the American “Ping-Pong” conversation style is a formal conversation among the Japanese, which has been compared to bowling. • The Bowling conversation style: – Each participant in a Japanese conversation waits politely for a turn and knows exactly when the time is right to speak. That is, they know their place in line. – One’s turn depends on status, age, and the relationship to the other person. – When it is time to take a turn, the person bowls carefully. The others watch politely, and do not leave their places in line or take a turn out of order. No one else speaks until the ball has reached the bowling pins. – Answers to questions are carefully thought out, rather than blurted out. In Japanese conversations, long silences are tolerated. • For Americans, even two or three seconds of silence can become uneasy. Americans do not like the feeling of “pulling teeth” in conversations. • According to some Japan people, Americans ask too many questions and do not give the other person enough time to formulate a careful answer. • Americans, however, do not do anything “wrong” or insensitive on purpose. The Japanese feel that Americans are pushy and inquisitive because of cultural differences. •

This analogy is used to contrast the American conversation style with the Japanese one Ping Pong conversation style Bowling conversation style -A player starts the game by -Players wait politely for a turn. hitting the ball to the other side of the table. -Players watch one another politely and appreciate their -The other player must react movements and strategies. quickly and hit it back. - When it is time to take a turn, - If one person does not hit the involved player considers ball back, the game stops. carefully how to accomplish the objective.

Ping Pong Conversation Style Bowling Conversation Style - If either player takes too long to “play - Players do not speak until the ball has the ball”, the other may become reached the bowling pins. impatient and feel the first player is not - Players praise each other’s plays. focusing on the game. - If players have different playing styles, it is hard to get a good rally going.

• To American people, the Japanese appear passive and uninterested in conversations. The Japanese style takes too long for the average American. • The Japanese do not do anything “wrong” and are not less interested in conversations. They have misjudged each other because neither is familiar with their culturally different conversational styles.

II. 5 - Ethnocentric Judgments • Ethnocentrism is “the tendency for individuals to place their own group at the center of their observations of others and the world” (Northouse, 2013). • There may be a gap between what a person is communicating and how people are understanding the message.

• Ethnocentric Judgments that people make about each other are often ethnocentric. • People cannot assume that their way of communication is universal.

• If people from another culture seem to be communicating “mysteriously”, consider the following four points: (1). It is possible that the way they speak reflects a cultural style. (2). Your success in developing cross-cultural rapport is directly related to your ability to understand others’ culturally influenced communication styles. (3) Your ways seem as “mysterious” to others as their ways seem to you. (4). It is often valuable to talk about cultural differences in communication styles before they result in serious misunderstandings.

• Ethnocentrism is believed in the superiority of one’s ethnic group. Even though it sounds bad, ethnocentrism has positive and negative effects. + For a minority group in oppressive conditions, ethnocentrism enables the group to create and sustain an identity over extended periods of time. + The downside of ethnocentrism is that it causes a people from an ethnic group to look down on those who are from other ethnic groups.

• American evangelicals can unfortunately be ethnocentric. One of the reasons is that the USA is a very wealthy country and its infrastructure works well most of the time. This subconsciously makes Americans think their ways are better- or it makes them think that their ways are right. When they encounter suffering, sickness, and abject poverty that afflict so many people in the developing and underdeveloped parts of the world, they assume that their poverty and suffering are a result of doing things in the “wrong” way. • When they are slow to understand, some of them makes the mistake of evaluating these customs or behaviors as wrong rather than different. What complicates this is that they tend to say what they think. When they verbalize their judgmental thoughts, they can hurt the feelings of those in their host culture. This is the sad result of ethnocentrism. • However, Americans are not the only ones who can be ethnocentric. People from any and every ethnic group can be ethnocentric. Due to this, When you travel abroad, you become exposed to other people’s ethnocentrism. When you encounter it, especially from those you consider your brothers and sisters, you are often unprepared for it. When you do encounter it , your feelings can be hurt.

II. 6. CONVERSATION ACTIVITIES II. 6. 1. Rules of Speaking There are unspoken rules of speaking. These rules exist in every language, but differ significantly from culture to culture. The rules have to do with permissible degrees of directness, politeness, and formality, and they affect many functions of communication. The following communication functions are common to all languages, but their expression can be different across cultures.

II. 6. 2. Small Talk A conversation often begins with “small talk”. Small talk is an important because it often helps to maintain conversation and it can lead to interesting discussion. In an introductory meeting, maintaining a conversation is easier when two people find that they have something in common. We can use small talk (including questions) to discover what they have in common. The common thing can be our hobby, favorite food, or our school.

Initial Small Talk (1. ) How long have you lived here ? (2. ) Have you always lived in New York ? (3. ) What do you think of the weather we have been having ?

When we communicate, it will be better if we avoid asking questions related to such matters as marriage, income, age, religions, or political systems. We can misunderstand, or annoy our partners (1. ) Are you married? (2. ) How much money do you earn ? (3) What is your religion ? (4. ) Are you a Republican or a Democrat? A lot of small talk is “situational”; that is, people initiate conversation about their common situation. It is often a starting point for further conversation Examples: At the party: “ How do you know David? ” At the cinema: “How often do you go to see comedies ? ”

II. 6. 3. Initiating and Maintaining Conversations Initiating and maintaining conversations are necessary skills when one is learning a new language. In English, one of the best ways of initiating and maintaining a conversation is for at least , one of the speakers to ask others questions. Avoid making a pattern feel frustrated, do not just give a one-word response. Examples: A sees B at the party and decides to get to know her. A: Hello. Where are you from? B: New York. A: Why have you come to California? B: To study A: What are you studying? B: Mathematic A feels annoyed and unhappy. He decides not to make friends with B.

Another way of maintaining a conversation is to add extra information to a one-or-two-word response. The conversation will get more and more interesting. Examples: A: Where do you work? B: I work at a university in San Diego. I am a computer operator. A: What is the weather like in San Diego ? B: It is warn most of the time. For the past two winters, we have had a lot of rain.

II. 6. 4. Informality and Formality In English, as in other languages, the type of vocabulary, structures, and the tone used in conversation vary with situations. For example, I am sorry to trouble you, but could you please tell me where the library is? (formal) Would you be so kind as to tell me where the library is? (formal) Where is the library ? (informal)

Cultural Notes 1. In a formal introduction, Americans often use titles until they are told they may use the first names. 2. When two people are introduced by a third person, the first and last names are usually given. A friend: Michael, I’d like you to meet my friend, Diane Rae. Diane, I’d like you to meet Michael Brown. (NB: In less formal introductions, last names may be dropped. ) 3. A list of titles used in introductions and conversations: Dr (Doctor) Used to address medical doctors (M. D) and university professors who have earned a doctorate (Ph. D) Prof (Professor) Used to address a college or university teacher Teacher Used by very young children in school Mrs. Used to address a married woman (teacher, director, etc) Miss Used to address an unmarried woman (teacher, waitress, businesswoman, etc. ) Ms. Used to address an unmarried or married woman (teacher, housewife, professional, etc. ) Mr. Used to address a man (teacher, business man, etc. )

4. The following phrases may be used if a name given in an introduction is not understood or forgotten: Informal: - I’m sorry, what’s your name again? - Excuse me, I didn’t catch your name. Formal: - Would you please repeat your name? - May I please have your name again? 5. Complimenting can be a way of initiating conversations.