Vendetta Goal To explore the possible moral purpose

Vendetta Goal: To explore the possible moral purpose of a text. Spelling Starter Writing Returns and target setting – how is it done?

Vendetta Goal: To explore the possible moral purpose of a text. First prediction – what does ‘Vendetta’ mean? What language does it come from? Why might the story be called this? • Reading – first 3 paragraphs – what is your impression of this place? What would it be like to live there? • Reading – next section. What might the idea be? Write a prediction about how you think this story will end in your books. • Reading – how close was your prediction? • Guess what – you don’t actually know the end! There is one more paragraph. Write in your book what you think it might be.

Vendetta: Features of Description Goal: To understand the techniques used to establish an atmosphere, and show this understanding in your own writing. Spelling Starter Re-read the first two paragraphs – in your group come to a consensus about the 3 most descriptive sentences. Feedback and discussion. Your turn – use the features of descriptive writing we've identified to create your own description of one of the following places. Best sentence feedback

The widow of Paolo Saverini lived alone with her son in a poor little house on the outskirts of Bonifacio. The town, built on an outjutting part of the mountain, in places even overhanging the sea, looks across the straits, full of sandbanks, towards the southernmost coast of Sardinia. Beneath it, on the other side and almost surrounding it, is a cleft in the cliff like an immense corridor which serves as a harbor, and along it the little Italian and Sardinian fishing boats come by a circuitous route between precipitous cliffs as far as the first houses, and every two weeks the old, wheezy steamer which makes the trip to Ajaccio. On the white mountain the houses, massed together, makes an even whiter spot. They look like the nests of wild birds, clinging to this peak, overlooking this terrible passage, where vessels rarely venture. The wind, which blows uninterruptedly, has swept bare the forbidding coast; it drives through the narrow straits and lays waste both sides. The pale streaks of foam, clinging to the black rocks, whose countless peaks rise up out of the water, look like bits of rag floating and drifting on the surface of the sea.

Vendetta: Exploring Style Goal: To understand the effects created by the style of language in this story. Reading Language questions: Feedback Letter to a Guy de Mapassant forger. Dear Sir Though I don’t agree with your morals, should you wish to forge a ‘missing’ short story by the above author, I suggest you use the following language techniques … (How the writer likes to write, with examples and effects)

Language Questions Regular Questions 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. Challenging Questions What does the adjective ‘mean’ in the Find and example of each of the following first sentence suggest about the widow? language features and explain what effect they have on the reader – what What does the word ‘over-hanging’ they make the reader picture, think or mean? feel. What does ‘Out-jutting’ mean? What does this word suggest about the setting? 1. 2 Similes What do the adjectives ‘old’ and 2. 2 Personifications ‘Wheezy’ suggest about the steamer? 3. Repetition What word is repeated in the sentence 4. Alliteration beginning, ‘On the…’? What does it 5. Onomatopoeia (1 example) help to emphasize? 6. Imagery What does ‘swept bare’’ mean? How do 7. Appeals to the senses these words help to build an atmosphere? Find and copy an example of a simile and say what it helps you to picture in your imagination. Find an adverb and explain what it helps you to picture in your imagination.

Examination Day Goal: To understand what the purpose of this text is – i. e the message the author is trying to get across. Assessment Returns Vocabulary unscramble: these two key words are scrambles. What are they? res / fo / ing / ow / had ism / an / ri / lita / tota Copy these definitions into your books Foreshadowing – To hint at the ending of a story Totalitarianism – A government that has total power and control over every part of its citizens’ lives

Reading and Discussion n 1. 2. 3. 4. What does the ending mean? How can that make sense? Questions to check for sense. What happens to Dickie at the end of the story? Why does this happen to Dickie? Why does the government want to kill people like Dickie? What might this story be a warning about?

Examination Day Goal: To be able to find examples of foreshadowing Spelling Discussion – how does the following sentence foreshadow the ending of ‘Examination Day’? ‘Go read your comic books Dickie’s father encourages him to read comic books because you don’t learn anything from them, so therefore it won’t increase Dickie’s intellect and he’ll ‘pass’ the test, G/W: Quotation Search – find and copy quotations that foreshadow the ending MUST – 5 Quotes, all explained Should -8 Quotes, all explained Could – 15 Quotes, all explained Jigsawing – most subtle to groups, most obvoius, from groups

What does this image suggest

Examination Day: Characterisation Goal: To be able to identify how the author creates his character. Reading Key Word: Tragic flaw – what do you think this might mean? Copy the definition below into your books Definition: Tragic flaw is a quality a character has that brings about his or her own downfall. Discussion – how can a writer create our view of a character?

Understanding Character Explain what the following quotations suggest about Dickie. Quotation Implication (What it suggests) 1. ‘He was an alert eyed youngster with a quick nervous manner. ’ 2. ‘He … seemed uninterested in the colourful scenes of fast paced action. ’ 3. ‘What makes it green though, the grass? ’ 4. ‘I get good marks in school. ’ he said hesitantly. ’ 5. ‘Dickie’s face showed puzzlement and a touch of fright. He is bored by comic books – they aren’t really stimulating for him – perhaps he’s too clever for them.

Understanding Character Explain what the following quotations suggest about Dickie. Quotation Implication (What it suggests) ‘He was an alert eyed youngster with a quick nervous manner. ’ This implies he is very quick and clever – he notices things around him. ‘He … seemed uninterested in the colourful scenes of fast paced action. ’ He is bored by comic books – they aren’t really stimulating for him – perhaps he’s too clever for them. ‘What makes it green though, the grass? ’ He’s very inquisitive and wants to find ut how the world works. ‘I get good marks in school. ’ he said hesitantly. ’ He thinks he’s smart enough to do the test, but is perceptive enough to be a bit worried about it. ‘Dickie’s face showed puzzlement and a touch of fright. He’s unsure about what’s happening but is clever enough to be anxious because of the behaviour of those around him.

Show don’t tell… Write your own description of a character who would ‘pass’ (i. e fail) the government intelligent test. Try to be subtle – show the reader your character is not very clever – don’t tell them. Optional starter: Craig sat in the corner, concentrating hard on his comic book. He had been looking at the same page for … Feedback.

Shared Character Profile Jimmy-Bob sounded out his name as he spelt it on the front of his book. After one hour, he finally finished his ‘Biff and Chip’ book. He bit his lip, nibbling the loosening flap of skin, as he told his teacher he, ‘Don’t get it. ’ for the 20 th time that morning. Later that day, when he got home, he ran straight to the kitchen and ate his usual after school snack: three packets of Hob-Nobs, dipped in hommous.

Killers n Goal: To understand the message the author was trying to communicate through this story. Key Word: Irony Definition – when the opposite meaning of what is said, is the true meaning, like subtle sarcasm, OR when the outcome of a situation is the opposite of what was hoped for. Reading ‘Killers’ Comprehension questions – next slide

Comprehension Questions Regular Questions 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. Where are the family going and what are they going there for? What do they see on the road? What do they do to it? Why? How does the focus of the story change half way down the first page? Who finds the hawk – what do they do at first? Why do the boys kill the hawk? How is the girl different from the rest of her family? Challenging Questions 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. What impressions of the man and woman are created by the speaking verbs (such as ‘grumbled’) That are used? In what way is the comment ‘Why were such murderous creatures ever made’ ironic? What is the purpose of the shift in narrative perspective half way down the first page? How does the writer manipulate your sympathy in this story? Why is the story called ‘Killers’ – notice the plural.

Killers: Kill or be killed? Goal: To understand the message the writer of this story was trying to communicate. Reading G/W: List all the people or creatures that kill, or try to kill, in this story (Look carefully, there might be more than you think. ) For each one give their killing a rating out of 10 – 10 being a horrible thing to do, one being completely understandable. Write a reason below each to explain. E. g. The hawk is a killer because it has killed a rabbit. 1/10 – The hawk kills to feed itself – it’s a predator and must hunt to survive.

Paragraph response Regular question: I think that the point that O. E. Middleton was trying to make in ‘killers’ is that … OR Challenging question: The quotation, ‘Why were such murderous creatures ever made’ hints at the point of O. E. Middleton’s ‘Killers’ because … Plenary – In what way is Killers ‘ironic’? ?

The Sniper Goal: To understand the effects achieved by different sentence structures in this story Reading Discussion – The troubles Reading – The Sniper

Comprehension Questions Regular Questions 1. 2. 3. 4. What is the purpose of the opening paragraph? ? How does the length of the sentences change in the third paragraph? Why do you think that happens? What is the shortest sentence in the 8 th paragraph? Why do you think this sentence in particular is very short? How do the start of the sentences in the 9 th paragraph help to switch from one thing to another? Challenging Questions 1. 2. 3. 4. How do the long, complex sentences in the opening paragraph help the author to achieve his purpose? How is the pace and the tension increased in the third paragraph? What particular idea is emphasized by the sentence length in the 8 th paragraph? What do you notice about the way sentences begin in the 9 th paragraph? Why do you think the writer did this?

Comprehension Questions Regular Questions 1. 2. 3. 4. What is the purpose of the opening paragraph? ? How does the length of the sentences change in the third paragraph? Why do you think that happens? What is the shortest sentence in the 7 th paragraph? Why do you think this sentence in particular is very short? How do the start of the sentences in the 8 th paragraph help to switch from one thing to another? Challenging Questions 1. 2. 3. 4. How do the long, complex sentences in the opening paragraph help the author to achieve his purpose? How is the pace and the tension increased in the third paragraph? What particular idea is emphasized by the sentence length in the 7 th paragraph? What do you notice about the way sentences begin in the 8 th paragraph? Why do you think the writer did this?

Your turn … Write a paragraph about somebody being caught doing something they shouldn’t. Use … n Some long sentences to build description n Some middle length sentences n Some short sentences to build tension n A really short sentence (One or two words) for real impact.

The Sniper n n n Goal: To be able to identify and comment on the purpose of the writer. Skim reading – how to be a champion reader Skim read ‘The Sniper’ Discussion – what point is the writer of this story trying to communicate? ? ? (Listen, speak and learn) PEAing

Sniper PEAing MUST 1 PEA, Should 2 PEA, Could 3 PEA The main point that writer of ‘Sniper is trying to communicate is that …………………. . The quotation ‘ ………………. . ’ shows this point clearly. This line implies that ……………………………………… Another aspect of the story that hints at this message is when …………………………. . A good example of this is in the quotation ‘ …………………. ’ Here the writer’s words suggest that ……………. . . . . One further aspect of the story …. .

Perfect P. E. A The main point that writer of ‘Sniper is trying to communicate is that civil war is perhaps the worst sort of war. The quotation ‘The sniper turned over the dead body and looked into his brother’s face’ shows this point clearly. This line implies that no-one knew who it was they were fighting, it could literally tear families apart, as it could result in brother killing brother.

Conclusion. Rewrite the last paragraph of the story to completely reverse the purpose of the story - - that is rather than it being a lesson in the horrors of civil war, make it a story which glorifies battle.

The Last Spin Goal – to be able to identify the way the author creates tension in the story. Reading The Last Spin G/W: Tension techniques Tension Graphing Feedback

Find and label an example of each of the techniques listed below that are used to create tension 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. Strings of short sentences Pauses and hesitations Threats and peril Ellipsis (…) Onomatopoeia Sudden shocks

Exploring Narrative Tension Narrative means story – so narrative tension means tension that comes from the plot or storyline. Divide the story into 8 -12 sections for you. Plot each section on the graph to trace the development of tension in this scene. 1. Tension Danny describes Tigo as ‘The Enemy 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Part of the scene 10 11 12

PEA Task: How does Evan Hunter create tension in ‘The Last Spin’? Challenging Task – complete three – five PEA paragraphs on the above topic. Regular task – do the same using the skeleton below: One technique Hunter uses to create tension is …………. A quotation which shows this is ‘ ………………. . This creates tension because ……………………………………………. Another technique Hunter uses is ………… (Repeat this structure three times!) Feedback – share with group and pick best paragraph to share with class

The Last Spin - Comprehension Goal: To be able to demonstrate an understanding of the purpose and ideas in this story. Regular Questions 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. What sorts of coloured jackets are the two boys wearing? Why is this important? Why do the boys have to go through with the Russian Roulette? Why is Danny suspicious when Tigo volunteers to go first? Look at the bottom of the first page. How are the boys similar in what they think of the gun? Why is this important to the story? Why does Tigo say ‘this is a good way to lose weight’? Why do the boys begin to admire and like one another? What do they decide to do at the end and how does this make the story sadder. Challenging Questions 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. Describe Danny’s attitude to Tigo at the start of the story? How does Tigo differ to Danny at the beginning? Why do you think Tigo decides to go first? What might this suggest about his character? What similarities do the two boys discover they have? Why do you think Danny fires the last shot? How does the boys’ attitude toward one another change as the story progresses? What do you think the message of this story is?

Exploring Tigo Write the next section of the story, - what will Tigo say to the rest of his club? To Danny’s club? What would he be thinking that night? How would he act when he saw Juana? His Mother? First Line: After what seemed to be an eternity, Tigo stood up from the table and slowly, slowly walked towards the door

Assessment: Answer ONE question 1. Describe an important character from TWO short stories and explain why each is interesting 2. Describe an important challenge faced by a character form TWO stories and explain why the challenge was interesting. 3. Describe ONE significant detail from each text and explain why it was interesting. Reminder = spend ONE sentence describing. Try to give THREE reasons why it’s interesting You could start sentences like this: One interesting thing about this character / detail / challenge is … A further interesting thing is …. Additionally, this was also interesting because ….

Revision n n Goal: To revise the main parts of each short story To learn how to plan for P. E. A. tests

Exemplar Analysis n n Goal: to critically assess models of PEA essays In your group, read both examples of PEA essays. Pick which one is better and give 3 – 5 reasons why

Exemplar One Describe an important character in the text and say why he/she is important. The Whole of the Moon - Ian Mune Kirk is a memorable character because he learns a lot about himself from meeting Marty. When Kirk a roller blade champ is in an accident, put in hospital and diagnosed with cancer, he has to deal with Marty a girl who is in hospital already with cancer - and life with a stiff leg. When Kirk is put in hospital, told he has cancer and has to amputate his leg, he becomes very distressed. He loses his friends and a recent girlfriend. He is memorable because he is determined not to lose his leg. When he meets Marty, she is very mean to him. She pushes him into the pool with a wheelchair and tells him to get on with his life. She despises Kirk, as she comes from a background of abuse, and Kirk is a city rich boy. She steals his roller blades and his walkman. But Kirk, determined to get his rollerblades, begins to learn to walk. This is how Kirk and Marty's relationship starts to build up from love to hate. They rely on each other. Kirk becomes dependent on Marty's friendship - and Marty on Kirk's love. Together they fight the battle of cancer - and help each other through life. Kirk learns to walk with a stiff leg, and Marty gains a friend. Marty helps Kirk deal with fighting the battle of cancer and a stiff leg. Kirk is memorable because he becomes accepting of what has happened to him - and learns to face the worries of life.

Exemplar Two Describe an important idea dealt with in the text. Why is this idea important? Utu - Geoff Murphy. This is a perfect film to study, as it has a great theme and is very exciting to watch. The overall theme of the film is revenge, and how easy it is to get sucked into trying to get your revenge - "utu". Several characters aim to gain utu for a range of different reasons. Straight away when watching, you will agree that theme is still relevant today. The main character Te Wheke returns to his village to find it has been destroyed, and its inhabitants murdered, by the same army that Te Wheke has been fighting in. He gets his utu by attacking pakehas but his actions also give other characters a reason for utu. Other characters try to get their revenge on him, like Williamson whose wife was murdered by Te Wheke and Captain James Scott, whose lover, Kura, is killed by Te Wheke is eventually captured and tried and sentenced to death. Wiremu an army scout who turns out to be Te Wheke's brother ends up shooting him. One important message in the film is that no one wins. Williamson goes mad because of utu and many people including Te Wheke end up dead because of it. A great theme and breathtaking action scenes make Utu a great film to watch.

Shared Writing n n Describe an important idea and say why it was interesting Homework: Prepare one page of notes and useful quotations for the three short stories.

Exploring the Conventions of Short Stories Spelling Recap – What are the titles of all the short dark tales we’ve read? Conventions of short stories 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. About how main characters have each of our short stories had in them? About how many minor characters have they each had? About how many places have they each been set in? Over what sort of timeframe are they usually set? About how many themes (important ideas) have each of our short stories explored? Consolidation – Use the answers to the above questions to create either a mind -map or a list or a recipe of typical features of short stores

My Short Dark Tale Initial Planning – sorting a plot. You have a choice: You can either Goal: To structure a story effectively to build tension • use some or all of the plan below for your own Short Dark Tale • OR make up your own (As long as it has the features of a typical short story) Teenager alone in house parents are out – thinks he might have heard a noise Ignores it – it’s probably nothing – Noise heard again, louder Very reluctantly goes to investigate – noise is coming from bedroom – Opens door to bedroom – very loud noise coming from wardrobe – strange smell too Walks over to cupboard – opens it AND… Peer Assessment – does your story fit into the typical features of short stories?

Short Dark Tales: My Setting n Goal: To use language features to create strong imagery and appeal to the senses Starter: One person face the screen (A), one the back of the class (B). A’s job is to describe the setting on the screen in as much detail as possible – help your B imagine it as clearly as possible. Feedback – who did a good job? How did they do it?

Setting Questions Key word Pathetic Fallacy When the weather and atmosphere reflects the mood of the characters in a story. i. e if the character was bored the weather would be… If it was warm and sunny, the character would be … Key challenge – avoid the cliches n n n What time of day will your story be set at? Why? ? What sort of weather will there be? Why? Will it say constant or change? Why? Describe in as much detail as possible , the setting your story will take place in. Try to do it so somebody could read your description and create an accurate picture of it. Eg. A tattered brown chair, with stuffing coming out of the arm and springs poking through the rear of the back.

What makes this description of the setting effective? Model Beginning The winter sun was slowly fading as a dull rainbow of colours filtered through the haze. The dying rays casts long, slender shadows across the floor of the living room. Dull rumbling was emanating from the screen, as the fast paced images of the game flashed and switched. Attached, as if by an umbilical cord to the screen, the figure twitched and flinched on the overstuffed, aging sofa.

What makes this description of the setting effective? Model Beginning Metaphor for originality and imagery Onomatopoeia to appeal to our sense of sound Adjectives to add description Adverb to add detail The winter sun was slowly fading as a dull rainbow of colours filtered through the haze. The dying rays casts long, slender shadows across. Adjectives to add description the floor of the living room. Dull rumbling was emanating from the screen, as the fast paced Pair of verbs to capture images of the game flashed and the action switched. Attached, as if by an umbilical cord to the screen, the Metaphor to figure twitched and flinched on the emphasize how ‘into’ the game overstuffed, aging sofa. the character is

Your Turn Begin your short story with a paragraph or two to describe the setting Use a range of descriptive writing techniques to create a really clear impression of the place and it’s atmosphere Optional starter: There was a slightly odd quality to the sunset …

Character: Show don’t tell n Goal: To describe characters effectively n Spelling Starter n Character planning n Hand exploring n Shared writing – focussing on details, show don’t tell n Your turn – introduce your main character / characters n Editing for accuracy n G/W: Share, compare, choose favourite and then jigsaw.

Shared Show Don’t Tell Character – not too bright, doesn’t know when to keep his mouth shut, has a skin head hair cut, is a bit paranoid. n Stefan’s eyebrows wore an angry expression. His arms were folded tightly and his mouth held the suggestion of a snarl. He just couldn’t stand his parents. They were hypocrites. Everything seemed unfair. What was wrong with a skin head cut anyway? He squeezed his stress ball long and hard, slowly feeling the tension abating. Maybe he shouldn’t have yelled at his mum. He definitely shouldn’t have called her a stupid cow. His mouth had run away from him. Again.

Name Age ETC Appearance Personality Flaws and short comings Strange habits Skills and strengths Likes Dislikes and fears If you want to do this as a list or a mind-map, feel free!

Starter – what can you tell about the following people by their hands? ?

Story Drafting n Goal: To use techniques of effective description to create a strong sense of character and setting n Reading: ‘Across The Barricades’ n Recap – how can we use language to describe effectively? n Modelled writing – Building images n Your turn

Introducing Character The winter sun was slowly fading as a dull rainbow of colours filtered through the haze. The dying rays casts long, slender shadows across the floor of the living room. Dull rumbling was emanating from the screen, as the fast paced images of the game flashed and switched. Attached, as if by an umbilical cord to the screen, the figure twitched and flinched on the overstuffed, aging sofa. His skinny, pale fingers twitched rapidly, his thumbs moving from button to button of the console. The nails on his fingers were worn, bitten right back by nervous teeth. Suddenly, ‘Game over’ flashed across the screen, and the controller was flung to the floor, landing with a crack. Phil stood up, stretched and yawned. As he reached to turn off the TV, he heard it for the first time. At least, he thought he heard it. Just beyond the positive reach of his hearing, he could swear he heard a dull thud. He stood stock still and listened hard. He waited … Nothing. Telling himself not to get paranoid, he sat down again and shovelled a massive handful of crisps into his mouth.

My short dark tale – creating tension Goal: To use my knowledge of how writers create tension to achieve this effect in my own writing Revision – look back in your book to the work we did on ‘The Last Spin’ What can a writer do to create tension? Short sentences Threats and peril Pauses and hesitations Ellipsis (…) Sudden shocks Onomatopoeia Foreshadowing Being mysterious Building atmosphere Shared writing – building tension in the class story Drafting time Sharing work – read two extracts and have your neighbour identify the technique you’ve used to create tension.

Building Tension Phil stood up, stretched and yawned. As he reached to turn off the TV, he heard it for the first time. At least, he thought he heard it. Just beyond the positive reach of his hearing, he could swear he heard a dull thud. He stood stock still and listened hard. He waited … Nothing. Telling himself not to get paranoid, he sat down again and shovelled a massive handful of crisps into his mouth.

Putting detail into sentences Goal: To use the 5 Ws and 1 H in order to add detail and interest to your sentences Reading How to use the 5 Ws and 1 H add interest to sentences The shy girl hid. (Who and what) The shy girl hid behind her hair (+ where) The shy girl hid quietly behind her hair (+ How) At the beginning of the lesson, the shy girl hid quietly behind her hair. (+When) At the beginning of the lesson, the shy girl hid quietly behind her hair to conceal the telltale marks of crying. (+why) Your turn – edit the following sentence to include all the ws and h: The stumbling bumblebee landed.

Kung fu Punctuation • Full stop: throw a short, right-handed punch at the air in front of you. Make the noise, Ha! • Comma: with your right arm bent so that your hand is in front of your face, make a short twisting motion at the wrist to signify the comma shape. Make the noise, Shi! • Semi-colon: do the full-stop punch, then the comma shape directly underneath it. Make the noises, Ha! Shi! • Colon: follow the full-stop punch immediately with one directly beneath it. Make the noises, Ha! • Question mark: separate the curly bit into three cutting movements with the hand: one horizontal left to right, one curved around, and one vertical coming from the bottom of the curved one. Then at the bottom of the shape you have just drawn in the air, bung in a full-stop punch. Make the noises, Shi! Ha! • Exclamation mark: a long vertical slash, from top to bottom, followed by a full stop. Make the noises, Shiiiiii! Ha! • Speech marks: stand on one leg, extend your arms diagonally to the skies and wiggle your index and middle fingers in an approximation of speech marks. Make the noise, Haeeeee! • Apostrophe: with your right arm fully extended to the air, wiggle your index finger. Make the noise, Blubaluba! (This is the best I can do to approximate the sound you can make with your tongue when you flap it up and down against the inside of your lips. ) • Ellipsis: three punches along a horizontal line. Make the noises, Ha! Ha! • Brackets: using your left hand first, draw a curved convex line in the air; use your right hand to do the opposite motion for the closing bracket. Make the noises, Shi!

The Rules n n n A proper bout of Punctuation Kung Fu requires three players: two combatants and a referee. The combatants face each other. The referee says the words ''capital letter'', and the opponents bow to each other while repeating the same phrase. The referee then calls out three punctuation marks and the players have to put the moves and sounds for these together, in sequence, as quickly as they can. The winner is the one who puts together all three moves and their accompanying sounds correctly in the quickest time. Then photocopy a piece of text and white out all punctuation marks. Read through the piece together and at the appointed places in the text get your child to do the kung-fu punctuation move he thinks is appropriate.

Kung Fu in zero gravity He is tall and lanky with arms like an ape an ideal body for null gravity karate As soon as we hear the command to start he launches from his side of the sphere I see his fist heading for my face He is squinting body tense gathering all his energy into the movement I exhale sharply the action moving my head backward I don't block as much as push one hand diverting his strike the other pressing his shoulder The technique sends him gliding back across the combat area and presses me more firmly against the plexiglas under my feet I sink into a squat and leapfrog toward him How will he respond We meet at the center His arms are everywhere In seconds we are in a hopeless tangle I place one good strike to the ribs but the judges miss it Without fully intending it we push away from each other once again I get two hands on the velcro and stop my motion He is about one hundred twenty degrees to my left with both feet on the velcro ready to leap again I see a gleam of triumph in his eyes as he realizes I will have to flip over in order to get my feet underneath me He takes off.

Kung Fu in zero gravity He is tall and lanky, with arms like an ape: an ideal body for null gravity karate. As soon as we hear the command to start he launches from his side of the sphere. I see his fist heading for my face. He is squinting, body tense, gathering all his energy into the movement. I exhale sharply, the action moving my head backward. I don't block as much as push, one hand diverting his strike, the other pressing his shoulder. The technique sends him gliding back across the combat area, and presses me more firmly against the plexiglas under my feet. I sink into a squat and leapfrog toward him. How will he respond? We meet at the center. His arms are everywhere. In seconds we are in a hopeless tangle. I place one good strike to the ribs, but the judges miss it. Without fully intending it, we push away from each other once again. I get two hands on the velcro and stop my motion. He is about one hundred twenty degrees to my left, with both feet on the velcro, ready to leap again. I see a gleam of triumph in his eyes as he realizes I will have to flip over in order to get my feet "underneath" me. He takes off…

Story drafting Continued n n n Continue drafting your story Use the idea of the 5 Ws & H to include lots of detail Peer assessment - feedback some sentences which include most or all of the ws and h

Story Drafting: Varying Verbs Goal: to make deliberate choices of verb to create variety and precision. Visual starter (Next slide) Volunteer to act out some verbs Walk Said laughed Cried Not particularly exciting examples! What synonyms can you find for these verbs which would be more interesting to use in a piece of writing? Volunteers to act out new verbs. Drafting time – thinking carefully about verb choice. Peer assessment: pick a paragraph from today’s work and neatly underline or highlight all the verbs. Then give a mark out of ten for the variety and interest of the verbs in the paragraph.

Mini Kung Fu Punctuation The cylinder stopped. Danny put the gun to his head quickly. "Here's to Sunday, " he said. He grinned at Tigo, and Tigo grinned back, and then Danny fired. The explosion rocked the small basement room, ripping away half of Danny's head, shattering his face. A small cry escaped Tigo's throat, and a look of incredulous shock knifed his eyes. Then he put his head on the table and began weeping.

Mini Kung Fu Punctuation The cylinder stopped Danny put the gun to his head quickly Here's to Sunday he said He grinned at Tigo and Tigo grinned back and then Danny fired The explosion rocked the small basement room ripping away half of Danny's head shattering his face A small cry escaped Tigo's throat and a look of incredulous shock knifed his eyes Then he put his head on the table and began weeping

Thinking about verbs What verb would you choose to describe the action of this child?

Excellent Commas Goal: To revise correct use of commas, to aid my reader Commas are used for pauses in sentences. They help the reader pause to take a breath. Mini-Kung fu: Only the commas in the following extract. Proof read your story so far. Have you used commas correctly? Have you sometimes confused them with full stops? Drafting time – continue with your story, remembering to use commas for pauses. Peer assessment. Highlight every comma you’ve used today. Have your neighbour check it – is it used correctly?

Paulo Saverini’s widow lived alone with her son in a tiny cottage on the ramparts of Bonifacio. The town built on a mountain spur in some places actually overhanging the sea faces the low lying coast of Sardinia across the straight with its bristling reefs. At its foot on either side it is almost entirely enclosed by a gash in the cliff like a gigantic passage which serves as its harbour. The little Italian or Sardinian fishing boats and once a fortnight the old puffing steamer which runs to and from Ajaccio come up as far as the first houses after threading their way through the two precipitous walls of rock. On the white mountain side the collection of houses makes a whiter patch. They look like the nests of birds of prey clinging to the rock looking down on the dangerous channel into which few ships venture. The wind harasses the sea remorselessly sweeping the barren coast sparsely covered in coarse grass; it roars down the strait, stripping the land bare on both sides. Patches of whitish foam round the black tips of the countless reefs which pierce the waves in every direction look like torn sheets floating and drifting on the surface of the water.

Paulo Saverini’s widow lived alone with her son in a tiny cottage on the ramparts of Bonifacio. The town, built on a mountain spur, in some places actually overhanging the sea, faces the low lying coast of Sardinia across the straight with its bristling reefs. At its foot on either side it is almost entirely enclosed by a gash in the cliff like a gigantic passage, which serves as its harbour. The little Italian or Sardinian fishing boats, and once a fortnight the old puffing steamer, which runs to and from Ajaccio, come up as far as the first houses after threading their way through the two precipitous walls of rock. On the white mountain side the collection of houses makes a whiter patch. They look like the nests of birds of prey clinging to the rock looking down on the dangerous channel, into which few ships venture. The wind harasses the sea remorselessly, sweeping the barren coast sparsely covered in coarse grass; it roars down the strait, stripping the land bare on both sides. Patches of whitish foam round the black tips of the countless reefs, which pierce the waves in every direction, look like torn sheets floating and drifting on the surface of the water.

Punctuating Speech I never seen you neither Danny said. Tigo stared at him for a long time. That's cause you're new around here. Where you from originall My people come down from the Bronx. You got a big family A sister and two brothers, that's all. Yeah, I only got a sister. Tigo shrugged. Well. He sighed. So. He sighed again. Let's make it, huh? I'm waitin', Danny said. "I never seen you neither, " Danny said. Tigo stared at him for a long time. "That's cause you're new around here. Where you from originally? " "My people come down from the Bronx. " "You got a big family? " "A sister and two brothers, that's all. " "Yeah, I only got a sister. " Tigo shrugged. "Well. " He sighed. "So. " He sighed again. "Let's make it, huh? " "I'm waitin', " Danny said.

Editing For Publication n Goal: To read carefully and analytically, to check for sense and detail n Reading and homework check n Getting thinking: Why redraft – see next slide. n Editing for accuracy: read your story aloud to yourself. Put a tick next to ever sentence that you think makes sense. Circle any words you want to check the spelling of. Put a squiggly line at the end of any sentences that don’t make sense.

Why Re-draft? A first draft by Wilfred Owen Why do you think he edited and redrafted?

Editing for improvement Re-read your story. Find 5 – 10 places where you can make an improvement by: n n Adding more detail to sentences using some or all of the 5 ws and 1 h Change your vocabulary so it is more sophisticated and varied Add new sentences to provide more detail and interest Include language features such as simile to describe, or dialogue for variety and realism.

Plenary Now your ready for publication. This will be easy, if you’ve edited carefully. In reverse alphabetical order, read you’re a paragraph from your story to the rest of the group. How easy was it to read your work – did you need to stop and reformulate what you were trying to say – or was what you had on the page fluent and accurate?

Preparation for Publication n n Goal: To make considered choices of presentational devices to compliment the ideas in a text Introduction of task and ground rules n Story preparation and decoration n Story publication n Class winners