Understanding the Early Teens St Mark Coptic Orthodox

+ Understanding the Early Teens St. Mark Coptic Orthodox Church, Washington, D. C. Parents & Servants – March 20, 2009 Yousry Armanios, M. D. YARMANIOS@HOTMAIL. COM 614 -327 -8289 (M)

Years to Remember the Creator Remember now your Creator in the days of your youth, Before the difficult days come, And the years draw near when you say, “ I have no pleasure in them” (Ecclesiastes 12: 1)

Understanding Our Teens n As Parents n As Educators n As Church Servants

Human Development n n n n Developmental Stages Characteristics or Features Different Needs Different Expectations Different Tasks Different Challenges Different Approaches

Nature & Nurture 1. Nature The Genetic Element: n How Much Do We Inherit? n Personal Differences n Behavioral Impact n Health Factors

Nature & Nurture 2. Nurture Exposure to: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. Parents Family Media School Peers Friends Church

Other Factors n Major Events: Early Life Trauma n How Have They Been Raised? n Ranking n Role Modeling

The Endangered Teens n Pressures from Inside n Pressures from Outside

Pressures from Inside n n n 1. 2. 3. Teen Turmoil: The Change! Puberty: Fast Physical Growth Puberty: Sexual Maturity Detachment from Family Personality Issues: Stumbling with Identity Conflicts with Self-Image Perception: Adults or Children? !

Pressures from Outside n Lack of or Distorted Parenting n Lack of Healthy Sexual Education n Exposure to Peer Pressure n Exposure to Media

Their Dangerous World n Increasing Role of Friends & Peers n Experimenting & Risk-Taking n Understanding a “Relationship” n Life is still a sort of “Fun”!

Teen Language (1) n n n Let us have fun! It’s Cool! It feels good! Are you chicken? Don’t worry, it won’t hurt you. Just enjoy it!

Teen Language (2) n n n They all do it! It’s the North American way Just try it once! You’re big enough! No one will know Dad, Mom: You don’t understand!

Serious Contemporary Dangers n n n n Avoiding Reality Confusing Reality with Virtuality Following the Majority Following the Trend or the Fashion Technology: the New Small World Confusing Freedom & Responsibility The Deception of “Love & Sex”!

The Changing World of Teens n n n Virtuality & Reality Communication 20 Years Ago Communication Now:

How Do They Communicate Now? Cell Phone; i. Phone; Blackberry The Internet; Email Chat Rooms; Instant Messages; Text Messages; Video Clips

How Do They Communicate Now? My Space; Face Book U-Tube; Palm Pilot; i. Pod; Hi-Pixel Photography; Web Cam; E-Games…

The “Media” Facts! n n The change from child to adult is an especially dangerous time for adolescents. From their earliest years, children watch television shows that stimulate sorts of gratification that can destroy their future.

The “Media” Facts! n n Later, they become involved with Hi. Tec devices that carry strong mixed messages Teenagers are at risk from this sort of mass-market encouragement besides pressures from peers.

Recent Research Facts n n From the book: Epidemic: How Teen Sex is Killing Our Kids, by Meg Meeker, M. D. In 1950, we had 2 sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). In 2005, we had 80! Each day, 9000 teens will become infected with a new STD. The number of teens who have STDs but do not know it (because they have no symptoms) probably exceeds those whose diseases have been diagnosed.

Facts n n n Statistics about pornography are even worse: Pornography is a 13 -billion-dollar/year business. There are 4. 2 million internet porn sites, 300, 000 of them are about children or young teens. Porn sites are hit 42 million times a day! At any time, on the internet there are 40, 000 child sexual abusers surfing the web looking for victims

Facts n n Teens may feel safe because they can remain anonymous while looking for Internet information on sex. Sexual predators know this and manipulate young people into online relationships and, later, set up a time and place to meet. Girls who watched more than 14 hours of rap music videos per week were more likely to have multiple sex partners and to be diagnosed with a sexually transmitted disease

Facts n n n Teens don't need a sexual predator to introduce them to online pornography. It comes to them through porn spam on their e-mail or by inadvertently clicking on a link to a porn site. Through pornography, young people get a twisted view of what constitutes normal relationships. In fact, pornography is directly related to sexual abuse, rape, and sexual violence.

Facts n n n Just as sexual preferences are learned behaviors, most or all sexual deviations are learned behaviors. Pornography has the power of conditioning into sexual deviancy. Pornography can be addictive, with the individual becoming desensitized to 'soft' porn and moving on to twisted and dangerous images of sexual bondage.

Misinformation about Sex Teen Myths: n All teens are having sex! n Having sex makes you an adult! n Something is wrong with an older teen (17 -19) who is not having sex!

Misinformation about Sex Teen Myths: n A girl can't get pregnant if it's her first time! n A girl can't get pregnant if she's menstruating! n You are a virgin as long as you don't have sexual intercourse -- oral sex doesn't count!

Acting Out Previous Experiences Emotional: n Anger n Guilt n Hurt n Mood-Swings Behavioral: n Rebellion n Delinquency

Factors Shaping Teenage Positive: n Love, Structure & Healthy Communication n Identifying with Two Parents n Achievement of Previous Stages’ Goals Negative: n Exposures to Earlier Life Trauma n Exposure to Mood Altering Experiences n Any Limitations or Disability

How to Help Them? n n n n Time Time to to Start Knowing God as Savior Give more than to Receive Develop Healthy Image Gain Validation Identify with Gender Start Independence Practice Self-Control

Knowing God as Savior Dealing with Sexual Impulses n Finding Salvation in Knowing God n Finding Shelter in Confession n Finding Strength in Communion Risks: n Sticking Only to Rituals: Duality n Being Overpowered by Guilt n

Teen Self-Destructive Behaviors n n n n Surrendering to Peer Pressures Impulsiveness Risky Sexual Behaviors Experimenting with Alcohol or Drugs Involvement with Crime “Ganging Around” & Delinquency Most Importantly: Lack of Spirituality

Other Youth Concerns We May Be Concerned about: n The “Fanatic” Teen! n Teen Accidental Death Teen Depression: n Suicide is the third leading cause of death among the 15 -24 years-old. n One third of teen population has thought of killing themselves!

Teen “Hope”! “With God, All Things Are Possible” (Mark 10: 27) Thank You