Under Siege Sex Today Pastoral Approach 1 2008

Under Siege – Sex Today Pastoral Approach 1 2008

The Series 1. Sexual (Un)common Sense 2. Strategy and Tactics for Change 3. Pastoral Approach 1&2

Talk Outline 1. The purpose of the talk 2. The normal helps

Focus • Topic: sexual self-control – Focus: masturbation-pornography • Category: our university students + – Most do not have sexual self-control yet. – “Community kids” are like the others, except they usually have known these things are wrong.

Our young men • Why do I know anything about the situation? • Perhaps my sample is “biased”, but I do not think my conclusions are.

Our young men • Almost all of our young men have (had) a problem in this area. o At least in the past, they were under the domination of it. • Many of them have done things that were seriously wrong, sometimes things unheard of when I was young. • Internet pornography makes it more challenging. o Masturbation and pornography very often go together. o Pornography is more serious than masturbation in its consequences.

Our young men • Only some can get free by themselves — with good teaching. • I think I can get all of the converted ones free from it.

Talk Outline 1. The purpose of the talk 2. The normal helps

What can we do? • Teach about it. – From here on, I presuppose they accept these things as wrong. – Also about the purpose of sexuality. • Discuss it in pastoral care and get them to use the normal helps well. – Do not wait until they get married. • Work someone out of it.

Teaching • Most have gotten little apart from us. • Sexuality seminar (pre-formation) • FC 2: Course for single men (Year 2)

Pastoral care discussion When start to work on it? – When they bring it up wanting help – Entering formation: fornication – After FC 2: goal of basic sexual discipline

Normal Helps • Individual pastoral care discussions • Men’s group • Buddies • Internet protection • Special prayer

Normal Help: Pastoral Care • Only trained pastoral workers should do this, and under supervision.

Normal Help: Pastoral Care • Ask their permission. – Preferably each time at the start – This can be painful for them (although relief for others; or both at the same time). • Keep confidentiality. • Bring it up periodically, not each time. – Don’t make it the regular focus of normal pastoral care. – The goal is to keep an eye on the situation.

Normal Help: Pastoral Care • We want to encourage them they can do it and tell them to keep fighting.

The Value of Testimony • They need to know it can be done (some think it is impossible). • If you are over it… • If there is no reason you should not… • If not, speak about others.

Normal Help: Men’s Group • Confession in the men’s group you lead? • My criteria: – Only after you know where everyone is – Only if you are confident they are all willing – Only if you can check to see if they are being honest

Normal Help: Buddies • The buddy system – two guys confessing to each other • They do not necessarily give advice — mainly accountability. – Sacramental confession does not usually do the same thing. • They need to be committed to regular contact and direct speech.

Normal Help: Internet • A filter (blocking program) • Computer use in the open • Covenant Eyes for laptops

Normal Help: Prayer • Prayer for general help in area • Prayer for deliverance • Prayer for the past • No substitute for learning sexual discipline

What can we do? • Teach about it. • Discuss it in pastoral care and get them to use the normal helps well. • Work someone out of it. – This requires a special talk.