Title Introduction Contents Body Conclusion Structure Main idea

Title Introduction 目录 Contents Body Conclusion Structure Main idea

01 Part One Title

02 Part Two Introduction

2 -1. Introduction I always believe that the invention of the electric lights a dds a numerous stress to people’s lives. We can argue forever that which mattered more between the benefits and harms that light brings to us. However, at least, we need to acknowledge that this invention is truly changin g the students’ learning style, with the obvious characte ristic among students of staying up late in response to t he competitive College Extrance Examination. Unfortun ately, the final grade is hardly equal to their hard work! That is to say, it’s not a wise behavior to stay up late be fore College Extrance Examination. 1、文章开头主旨不够明确， 用了大篇幅文字来讨论电带给 我们的利与弊。引出话题的这 个点虽好，但是有点杂糅。 2、这段作为开头不够简明扼 要，在明确自己的主要观点后， 也没有支撑的语句。并且到了 文章最后，才说明自己观点。 3、单词拼写错误，应该是 entrance。

2 -2. Introduction The College Entrance Examination, commonly known as Gao. Kao, is an academic examinati on held annually in our country. However, ma ny specialists and parents have pointed out th at to judge students’ abilities reasonably, Colle ge Entrance Examination should be reformed. But many others disagree, and they usually c an produce a list of reasons as well. In my opi nion, it’s high time that College Entrance Exa mination be reformed. The reasons are as foll ows. 开头简洁，开门见山， 直接点出主旨。 However和but接连使 用，过于重复冗杂。句 子衔接稍有欠缺。 自然过渡，承上启下。 下面直接给出具体的 reasons

2 -3. Introduction As we all know , more and more cram schools, aiming at passing the college entrance exami nation have sprung up, which triggers fierce d ebates on whether attending cram schools is r eally helpful for senior high school students to pass the examination. Some people think it is of great help for them while others held the op posite view. As for me, attending cram school s does harm to them and doesn’t really help th em pass the college entrance examination. Good examples 文章第一段用as we all know 开头，讲述了目前 cram school 的现状，以及它 主要的目的，让我们对 cram school 有了个大致的了 解。接着讲了不同的人对这 个问题的看法，最后引出自 己的idea, 虽然总体布局普通， 但是条理很清楚，让读者能 很快的获取到有用的 information. 对接下来文章的 展开有了一个基本的了解。

03 Part Three Body

3 -1. Body As to wasting money, nowadays, parents spend lots of money in buying more tonic t 不符合逻辑, 语句 ohelp their children get good grades. After they eating it , their brains may feel more excited than before and the brain ma 不通顺。 ybe clearer than before too. Besides , eating lots of tonic will waste our time. When I was a high school student, I 两个before很累 have never eaten tonic before the college entrance examination. The tonic tastes li 赘，语言还欠简 kea crap. And my parents have spent lots of time in persuading me to eat it. They w 练 ouldnot be at ease until I ate it. What a terrible experience! Because of this experien ce, I realize that the tonic is meaningless and helpless. And what it can do is only to produce psychological effect. 文章主旨在高考前应不应该吃保健品， （中间略） 而这段是在说吃保健品比较浪费时间， As the proverb says…. 举了一个例子，总体来看，这个论据 And the doctor said… 比较牵强，不具备当论据的条件，而 And we all know the sentence “an apple a day keeps doctors away. 自身的经历也比较没有说服力。 总体来说，引用的东西比较简单，没有说服力而且一段话里面引用太多论 3 -1 Body小结: 据，但是论据比较牵强。

3 -2. Body 第一段 having a good sleep and one will come up with ideas and come over difficulties. [Having a good sle ep 和 one 在逻辑上并不构成并列关系，而是因果关系。所以这边出现了逻辑模糊。] 第二段 Students who lacking sleep will perform worse in face of College Entrance Examination. 主旨句 |Everyday activities such as going to class and doing homework can strain their mind and bodies. | Consequently, it can lead to problems with concentrations, memory, judgment, problem solving and reaction time. 具体分析句 [“lacking”应为”lack”, 这边出现了语法错误；主旨句perform worse语意不明 , 这一条理由不够明确；具体分析和前一段所分析的大相径庭，比如strain their mind and bodies和上 一段的 students might as well take a nap when they have no idea leaving their mind relax as well, 又比如上一段的problems with concentration和上一段的students are inclined to concentrate. ] 第三段 I appeal to senior high students to stay, leaving the school work behind, to decrease your overall str ess and worry, which can keep you from falling asleep. [此句语意不明，逻辑不清晰，读者无法理解 意思。]

04 Part Four Conclusion

4. Conclusion 结尾偷换对象. 结尾空洞，没有具体的措施. In the end, I want to appeal to all the parents to give up spending money in buying lots of tonic. It’s meanin gless! Please be sure that your children has a healthy balanced diet for it is more helpful than tonic. And if y our children develop such good habit, they will be in a better condition and more likely to succeed in the coll ege entrance examination. （主语偷换，这里呼吁的 是家长，但是题目是对学生而言） Now that we have known the disadvantages of stayin g up late, we need to get rid of the unwise habit imme diately. A smart student can easily made a choice bet ween gain and loss. （结尾空洞，没有具体的应对措 施，结尾过于草率，没有对主题进一步的升华）

4. Conclusion 结尾形式新颖，紧扣主题. Students are busy, which doesn’t mean they are p roductive; students are leisure, which doesn’t mea n they are lazy, insufficient sleep can erode your l earning capacity. You’d better pay more attention to your sleep, and combine exertion and rest to ex plore the first-rank way of learning. 紧扣主旨，升华主题。充分体现了充足的睡眠对 于高考的重要性。用两句平行句students are busy 和students are leisure总结全文，并且升华主题。

05 Part Five Structure

06 Part six Main idea

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