Thesis Statements How to say what you are

Thesis Statements How to say what you are really trying to say in your commentary essay!

Working Thesis vs. Revised Thesis Lets pretend we are going to write a commentary essay on how Barbie has a negative impact on young girls. A working thesis might sound something like this: Idolizing Barbie is unhealthy for little girls if they do it too much because they will start to have an unhealthy body image, they may develop eating disorders, and will probably have low self esteem.

Revised Thesis If we take those ideas from the working thesis and revise them to make them a little more specific, our thesis statement might look like this: Although evidence may be provided to argue that physical beauty is an innate characteristic, the pressure put on young girls to conform to society’s definitions of beauty as seen through toys, such as Barbie, creates harmful implications to the child’s emotional welfare. In this new thesis, we are focusing on just one issue: a child’s emotional health, instead of a whole bunch of topics. A strong thesis statement will be highly specific and focused.

Thesis statement models… �The easiest way to structure your commentary essay is to use one of these three models as your thesis statement. Just take your topic and stance and plug them into the formula.

Correcting-Misinterpretations Model �This model is used to correct people whose arguments you believe have misconstrued (gotten wrong) one or more important aspects of an issue. �The thesis typically takes the form of a factual claim �“Although scholars have addressed curriculum to explain low achievement in schools, they have failed to fully appreciate the impact of limited resources to fund up-todate textbooks, quality teachers, and computers. Therefore, reform in schools must focus on economic need as well as curriculum. ” � Topic is low achievement in schools � The misconstrued information you want to correct. � Your solution to the problem.

Model �Formula: Although many scholars have argued about X and Y, a careful examination suggests Z.

Filling the Gap Model �This model points to what other people may have overlooked or ignored in discussing a given issue. �The gap model typically makes a claim of value. �“If America is truly a “melting pot” of cultures, as it is often called, then why is it that stories and events seem only to be in black and white? Why is it that when history courses are taught about the period of the civil rights movement, only the memoirs of African Americans are read when the works of other minorities like Maxing Hong Kingston should be read as they also offer valuable insights into the movement. ” � Topic is America as a “melting pot” of cultures � The gap in information you want to correct. � Your solution to the problem.

Model �Formula: Although scholars have noted X and Y, they have missed the importance of Z.

Modifying what others have said model �The modification model of thesis writing is based on the possibility of mutual understanding. �“Although scholars have claimed that the only sure way to reverse the cycle of homelessness in America is to provide an adequate education, we need to build on this work, providing school-to-work programs that ensure graduates access to internships and jobs. ” � Topic is reversing the cycle of homelessness � The idea that needs to be expanded/built on � Your solution to the problem

Model Formula: Although many individuals/people agree with X and Y ideas of other writers, it is important to extend/refine/limit their ideas with Z.

Establishing Context for your Thesis �In your introductory paragraph it is important that you lead into your thesis by offering enough background information on your topic choice that your reader can understand your thesis. To do this: �Establish that the issue is current and relevant �Give background/history of the topic �Explain what you see as the problem �State your thesis