The Hangzhou Harlequin Hymn Book Songs for Winners

The Hangzhou Harlequin Hymn Book Songs for Winners & Sinners “Harlequins, say your prayers” – Kaptain Kongo

The Harlequin Prayer…. Harlequins, Say your prayers… Hail Hangzhou Full of Lakes Smack a Bitch In the Face

In Ancient times…. The Harlequins of Old announced…. That ALL good Rugby songs Shall end with …. . (Trumpet sound) Da. Da. Da!! ‘TITS AND ASS!!’ And so. . long may this tradition live on. .

“We're called the Harlequins“ To the tune of House of the Rising Sun • There is a team In Hangzhou. • We're called the Harlequins, • And we've been the ruin, of many a poor team, • We train, we play, we Win • • We came from many nations, And trained in Hangzhou's heat, We may not all be experts, But still you’ll taste defeat • Now the Only things our players need, • Are our kitbags and some beer, • But if we're feeling flirty, • Then keep your girlfriends near. • • So Xiamen, hide your women, Tell them not to go outside Hide them away, at least for today, ‘Cause they’re sure to want a ride. (queue vulgar thrust) • • We'll play you all at rugby, And take your girls to bed, We came here dressed as outlaws, And still they’ll give us head. • • Then we'll all go back to Hangzhou, No matter who has won We came, we saw, we conquered (oh), And rode into the sun.

"Wanted Dead Or Alive“ It's always the same, only the players change. Everyday it seems we're wasting away But in this Xiamen place where the weather ain’t so cold The Harlequins unite!, the new and the old. � [Chorus: ] I'm a Harlequin, on your women I shall ride I'm wanted dead or alive Wanted dead or alive There shall be no sleep, No we won’t sleep for days And if anybody does, Congo slaps em in the face You might think by how we play That we came here for the drink But we came here for the women too, and we’re gonna sink some pink. by Bon Jovi [Chorus: ] I'm a Harlequin, on your women I shall ride I'm wanted dead or alive We walk these streets, looking out for ass and rack And everybody knows… Black Mike got back We’re from everywhere, and We’re standing tall We've seen a million faces and either rucked or fucked them all! I'm a Harlequin, on your women I shall ride I'm wanted dead or alive I'm a Harlequin, The best fuckin rugby side I'm wanted dead or alive And I ride, dead or alive Ruck and drive, dead or alive Dead or alive [x 4]

“time of my life“ Green day – time of your life • Another tequila, another Jagerbomb They’ll make me shoot the boot or maybe the condom. But I’ll make the best of this test, and won't ask why And I’ll want to puke, but I’ll just smile and say I’m fine. I find you all despicable, I think I’m going to cry. Its the worst fucking time of my life. Those naked photographs, best not end up online Hangovers and poor health, you call this a good time? Sluts, Booze and STD’s and sex in the train isle. Rude songs, Cruel jokes, Balls out, my god - you are so vile! I find you all despicable, I think I’m going to cry. Its the worst fucking time of my life. (X 3)

“Take Me Home“ to tune of country road • Almost Heaven, Western Zhejiang • Baochu Mountain, Qiantang river • Girls are hot there, make em all say 'prease' • Hotter than your sister blowin' on her knees • • • Hangzhou! Take me home! To the place, I belong! Best in Zhejiang, Harlequins, Take me home, To Hangzhou! • Playing rugby, We will smash you • Then fuck your ladies on the shores of Gulanyu. • Pink's our Colour, that is not a lie, • If you think it's funny we'll sock you in the eye. Hangzhou! Take me home! To the place, I belong! Best in Zhejiang, Harlequins, Take me home, To Hangzhou! I hear Xiamen after our game and they're a bleedin' The West lake reminds me of my home far away, And shaggin' all they're girls i get a feelin' that I should have come home yesterday. . . Yesterdayyyyy! Hangzhou! Take me home! To the place, I belong! Best in Zhejiang, Harlequins, Take me home, To Hangzhou!

“We don’t play“ • • We don't play for Adoration. . We don't play for Victory. . We just play for Aggravation. . Mighty Hangzhou Harlequins We. . Balls to Shanghai!. . . . We Are Hangzhou R. F. C!! We are Hangzhou R. F. C!!

“The Hangzhou Haka“ • Eight Bite Suck Fuck Gobble Nibble Chew. • Titty-Bottom. Hair-Pie. Mother-Fucking Screw. • Rat Shit - Cat Shit - Dirty Rotten Twat. • 69 Arseholes Tied in a knot! • Lizard! – Shit! - Fuck !!!!

“We’re the Harlequins“ • Oh we're the Harlequins A fighting fury We're the Harlequins In any weather - you will see us with a grin Risking head and skin If we're behind then never mind We'll fight and win For we're the Harlequins We never weaken till the final whistles blows Like the Harlequins of old We're strong and we're bold For we're the harle (the pink and the blue) We're the Harlequins •

“Perverts of the nation“ to the tune of • • U. S Marine Corp Anthem We have a reputation. . For seducing little boys. and for raping old aged pensioners. and for stealing kiddies toys. we are the perverts of the nation we are the worst you’ve ever seen we are a shower of foul mouthed bastards. we are the Hangzhou rugby team!

“Chicago“ • Everyone: OH I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO, AT AN OLD DEPARTMENT STORE, I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO, I DON'T WORK ANYMORE • Speaker: One day. . A lady came into the store asking for…(eg: A Chicken! ) • Everyone: (A CHICKEN? )… FROM THE STORE? • Speaker: (A Chicken). . she wanted, (My Cock). . she got! • Everyone: OHHHHHHH I DON'T WORK ANYMORE! • OH I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO AT AN OLD DEPARTMENT STORE, I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO, I DON'T WORK ANYMORE Other "Inappropriate" Reponses: • Carpet she wanted, shag she got. Nail she wanted, screw she got. Fishing rod she wanted, my pole she got. Meat she wanted, my sausage she got. Helicopter she wanted, my chopper she got. Camel she wanted, a hump she got. A Kit Kat she wanted, four fingers she got. Fuck she wanted, fuck she got.

“I wish that all the ladies“ • Leader: I wish that all the ladies. Group: I wish that all the ladies. • Leader: Were bells in a tower. Group: Were bells in a tower. • Leader: And I was the bell boy. Group: And I was the bell boy. Leader: I'd Bang'em every hour. Group: I'd Bang'em every hour. • Chorus Leader: Singing HAY BOP A LOO BOP Group: HAY BOP A LOO BOP Leader: HAY BOP A LOO BOP Group: HAY BOP A LOO BOP and so on. . . I wish that all the ladies • Were buns in the oven. • And I was the baker I’d cream’em by the dozen. and so on. . . Were pies on a shelf. And I was the baker I’d eat them all myself. Were statues of Venus. ‘Cause then they’d have no arms. To push away my penis. Were holes in the road. And I was a dumptruck. I’d fill’em with my load. Were sheep grazing grass. And I was a Welshman. I’d shag’em up the Ass. Were bricks in a pile. And I was a Builder I’d lay’em all in style. Were jockeys in a race And I was the saddle They’d sit upon my face.

“Alouette“ • Everyone: Alouette, Gentille Plumerai. . . • Speaker: Oh I love her. . Curly Top • Everyone: HER CURLY TOP! • Speaker: She’s Aloette!! • Everyone: SHES ALOETTE!!! Everyone: Alouette, gentille plumerai. . . Speaker: Oh I love her Big Fore-Head Everyone: HER BIG FORE-HEAD!! Speaker: AND Curly Top! Everyone: AND CURLY TOP!! Speaker: Shes Aloette!!! Everyone: SHES ALOETTE!!!! And So on with. . Mono-Brow. . Two Crossed eyes…. Broken Nose. . Moustache. . Hair. Lip. . Two Front Teeth. . Double Chin. . . BIG FAT TITS!. .

“The Days of the week“ • Speaker: Today is Monday!! • Everyone: TODAY IS MONDAY! • Speaker: Monday is a WORKING day • Everyone: MONDAY IS A WORKING DAY!!! Speaker : So are you feeling good today? ! Everyone: YOU BET YOUR ASS WE ARE!! ( A silly dance to Da. Da dadada. Da. DA dadada Speaker: Today is Tuesday!! Everyone: TODAY IS TUESDAY!!! Speaker: Tuesdays a (licking)MMMmmmm day!!! Everyone: TUESDAYS A (Licking)MMMMmm day!! Speaker: Mondays a Working day Everyone: MONDAYS A WORKING DAY. Speaker: So are you feeling good today? ! Everyone: YOU BET YOUR ASS WE ARE!! And So on with. . Wednesday is a Wanking day. . Thursday is a Drinking Day. . BOTTOMS UP!. . . Friday is a Fucking Day… Saturdays a rugby Day!!. . Sunday is a holy day. . BUT SATURDAYS A RUGBY DAY!!

“Father Abraham“ • Everyone: FAAther Abraham! Had seven Sons. . • Seven Sons had father Abraham • And they never laughed. And they never cried. And all they did was go like this… Speaker: And to my left!! ( All black HAKA type slap of Left elbow) • Everyone: AND TO MY LEFT!! (All black HAKA type slap of Left elbow) • Everyone: (moving left arm in and out from chest) FAAther Abraham! Had seven Sons. . • Seven Sons had father Abraham • And they never laughed. And they never cried. And all they did was go like this… • Speaker: And to my left, and to my RIGHT! (All black HAKA type slap of Right elbow) • Everyone: AND TO MY RIGHT!! (All black HAKA type slap of Right elbow) • Everyone: (moving left arm and right arm in and out from chest) FAAther Abraham! Had seven Sons. . • Seven Sons had father Abraham • And they never laughed. An they never cried. And all they did was go like this… And So on with. . Left Leg stamp. . Right Leg stamp. . Lying on backs legs in and out. . tops off, arms to the sky…. . trousers down, hips thrust.

“If I were the marrying kind“ • I were the marrying kind Which thank the lord I'm not, sir the kind of rugger I would wed would be a rugby. . . • Example: (team points to the hooker. Hooker puts beer on top of head) HOOKER: Hooker sir! • GROUP: Why sir? • HOOKER: 'cause I'd swipe balls, and you'd swipe balls we'd all swipe balls together we'd be alright in the middle of the night swiping balls together • GROUP: If I were the marrying kind Which thank the lord I'm not, sir the kind of rugger I would wed would be a rugby. . . Other verses: Prop: Support a hooker 2 nd Row : grab Crotch, sniff Butt Flanker: get off quick No. 8: hold until you come Scrumhalf: put it in, grab balls Flyhalf: whip it out, call shots Centers: look for the hole, pass out Wing: go hard, never get it, come too fast. Fullback: kick balls, get fucked, find touch Any Forward: get stripped Any Back: get laid Scrum: go down Rule Book: get violated Shorts: go up your butt Halftime Orange: get sucked Mouthguard: get licked, get sucked Spectator: get to watch Spectator on a rainy day: come in rubber, be wet Spectator on a sunny day: come again Goal Posts: get split, stand erect Cleats: get screwed Groundskeeper: trim bush, do lines Whistle: get blown Boot: : come in boxes, get tied up Ball: strapped in leather, get touched, get pumped Pitch: grow weed, be hard Team from far away: come for hours Team on a bus: get off Drunk Team: get fucked up

“Yogi Bear“ • I know a bear that you all know, Yogi, YOGI, I know a bear that you all know, Other verses: Yogi, Yogi Bear. Yogi's got a "girlfriend, " • YOGI, YOGI BEAR, Suzi, SUZI Suzi, Suzi Bear. YOGI, YOGI BEAR, I KNOW A BEAR THAT YOU ALL KNOW, Yogi's got a cheesy knob, cammum, CAMMUM Cammum, Camembert. YOGI, YOGI BEAR. Booboo likes it on the fridge, polar, POLAR Polar, polar bear. • Yogi's got a little "friend, " Suzi hates it up the ass, something, SOMETHING Booboo, BOOBOO, Something she can't bear. Yogi's got a little "friend, " Yogi's dick is long and green, cucum, CUCUM Booboo, Booboo Bear Cucum, cucumber. Yogi likes to shave his pubes, grizzly, GRIZZLY • BOOBOO, BOOBOO BEAR, Grizzly, grizzly bare. BOOBOO, BOOBOO BEAR, Booboo’s boyfriend has no teeth, gummy, YOGI'S GOT A LITTLE "FRIEND, " GUMMY Gummy, gummy bear BOOBOO, BOOBOO BEAR

“…. . Is a horses ass. . “ • (Persons name). . Is a horses Ass • He looks like a horses ass. • He smells like a horses ass. • He is a horses ass. • (Repeat til drink is drunk!!).

“Born so beautiful“ • Why was he born so beautiful Why was he born at all He’s no fucking use to anyone He’s no fucking use at all • He should be publicly pissed on, He should be publicly shot (bang, bang), He should be tied to a urinal, And left to fester and rot. So, DRINK motherfucker, DRINK, • DRINK, motherfucker DRINK, • DRINK • (chant lasts until he finishes)

“Shoot the Boot/Shoot the Condom“ • • • • • SHOOT THE BOOT SHOOT THE BOOT SHOOT THE BOOT SHOOT THE BOOT SHOOT THE BOOT • • • • • SHOOT THE CONDOM SHOOT THE CONDOM SHOOT THE CONDOM SHOOT THE CONDOM SHOOT THE CONDOM