The Grieving Process Presentation by Luke Spellman What

The Grieving Process Presentation by Luke Spellman

What is Grief? • In essence it is a series of attitudes and behaviors related to coping with the stressful situation of changing status in a relationship, usually the death of a loved one • Often assumed to be a universal process of linear stages, it must be understood that not all people progress through the stages in the same manner.

Robert Kavanaugh’s Theory on Grief • Developed in 1972, Kavanaugh identifies seven behaviors and feelings as part of the coping process: 1. Shock and Denial 2. Disorganization 3. Volatile Emotions 4. Guilt 5. Loss and Loneliness 6. Relief 7. Reestablishment • “these seven stages do not subscribe to the logic of the head as much as to the irrational tugs of the heart- the logic of need and permission. ” –Robert Kavanaugh

Shock and Denial • Even when a death is expected, the first reaction for many is something along the lines of “No! This can’t be true!” • Denial provides a temporary safe place for the bereaved, allowing them to work through the different aspects of the loss over time.

Disorganization • The bereaved feels out of touch with reality • Feeling of being on “autopilot” or “in a daze” • Nothing makes sense • Life has no meaning • Death can be perceived as preferable to life • The death of a loved one can partially or completely destroy one’s social identity

Volatile Reactions • Common volatile reactions include terror, hatred, resentment, and jealousy • These emotions are a response to the possibility of one’s social identity or social order being destroyed • Common targets of volatile reactions: God, medical personnel, funeral directors, family members, in-laws, friends, and even the recently deceased • Physical symptoms such as migraine headaches, ulcers, neuropathy, and colitis can develop from living regularly with intense emotions

• Similar to volatile reactions, but directed inwards instead of outward • Can lead to self-deprecation and depression • Often expressed in statements like “If only I had…” • Guilt can be used to resolve dissonance felt when failing to explain the loss of someone else’s loved one • This can be manifested in blaming the victim, which encourages the feeling of guilt for the bereaved

Loss and Loneliness • Occurs over time, as each day without the deceased helps the bereaved recognize how much they needed and depended upon that person. • Social situations where deceased’s presence is expected are fundamentally transformed by their permanent absence • Loss and loneliness often lead to depression when feelings of self-pity occur • These feelings are magnified by memories of loved ones growing “out of focus” • Anybody is better than nobody, isolation only adds pain • The bereaved may look for a “quick fix” like a new pet or a hasty remarriage. • Key to overcoming loneliness is to build a new independence or find a new and equally viable relationship

Relief • While many may initially feel confused or guilty over experiencing relief at the loss of a loved one, it is a natural part of the coping process • Relief provides a “safe place” from the pain, loss, and loneliness of grief • The feeling of relief does not imply any criticism for the love we lost. Instead, it is a reflection of our need for ever deeper love, our quest for someone or something always better, our search for the infinite, that best and perfect love religious people name as God.

Reestablishment • Reestablishment never occurs all at once. Rather, it is a goal that one realizes has been achieved long after it occurred • In order to achieve reestablishment, all previous behaviors must be experienced fully, though in no set order, and recognized as normal and necessary.

Kubler-Ross’s Five Stages • Very similar to Kavanaugh’s seven stages but more widely known • Kubler-Ross’s five stages are: 1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance

Four Tasks of Mourning • According to J. William Worden, the grieving process is a more active endeavor than what Kavanaugh suggests in his seven stages. Such grief work must be attended to by the bereaved and can hold serious consequences if not dealt with properly. 1. Accept the reality of the loss 2. Experience the pain of grief 3. Adjust to an environment in which the deceased is missing 4. Reach out and build anew

References • Axelrod, J. (2006). The 5 Stages of Loss and Grief. Psych Central. Retrieved on April 17, 2013, from http: //psychcentral. com/lib/2006/the-5 -stages-of-loss-andgrief/ • Leming, M. R. , & Dickinson, G. E. (1998). The grieving process. In H. Cox (Ed. ), Aging (25 th ed. , pp. 89 -91). New York: The Mc. Graw-Hill Company.