THE BOOK OF PROVERBS The Heart of Anger

THE BOOK OF PROVERBS The Heart of Anger Various Proverbs

The Heart of Anger A quick-tempered man does foolish things, and a crafty man is hated. (14: 17) A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly. (14: 29)

The Heart of Anger A king delights in a wise servant, but a shameful servant incurs his wrath. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (14: 35 - 15: 1) A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel. (15: 18)

The Heart of Anger A king's wrath is a messenger of death, but a wise man will appease it. (16: 14) Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city. (16: 32) A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense. A king's rage is like the roar of a lion, but his favor is like dew on the grass. (19: 11 -12)

The Heart of Anger A hot-tempered man must pay the penalty; if you rescue him, you will have to do it again. (19: 19) A king's wrath is like the roar of a lion; he who angers him forfeits his life. (20: 2) Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared. (22: 24 -25)

The Heart of Anger Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when he stumbles, do not let your heart rejoice, or the LORD will see and disapprove and turn his wrath away from him. (24: 17 -18) Do not say, “I'll do to him as he has done to me; I'll pay that man back for what he did. ” (24: 29)

The Heart of Anger If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you. (25: 21 -22) A malicious man disguises himself with his lips, but in his heart he harbors deceit. Though his speech is charming, do not believe him, for seven abominations fill his heart. His malice may be concealed by deception, but his wickedness will be exposed in the assembly. (26: 24 -26)

The Heart of Anger Mockers stir up a city, but wise men turn away anger. (29: 8) A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. (29: 11) An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hottempered one commits many sins. (29: 22) …as churning the milk produces butter, and as twisting the nose produces blood, so stirring up anger produces strife. (30: 33)

The Heart of Anger � � We have seen that the book of Proverbs was written to give us wisdom and that wisdom is what gives us the skill and knowledge that we need to deal with the complexities of life – even in areas outside of what is moral or immoral. Today we will look at what Proverbs has to say about the subject of anger.

The Heart of Anger � � � The Power and Purpose of Anger When Anger is Good How Anger Goes Wrong How to Heal Your Anger The Ultimate Anger

The Power and Purpose of Anger � � “Anger is an emotion that God gives us for the purpose of destroying something. ” (Lou Priolo, The Heart of Anger, p. 53) “Anger is the dynamite of the soul and as a result it has the power to disintegrate things. ” (Tim Keller in a sermon on “anger”)

The Power and Purpose of Anger � � Anger, like other strong emotions, can disintegrate your body: A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly. A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy ( or “passion” NASB) rots the bones. (Proverbs 14: 29 -30) All kinds of research shows that anger is harder on your body and heart than anxiety, sorrow, or any other emotion. It is harder on your heart than extreme physical exertion. Nothing sets you up for heart disease and heart attacks and nothing rots your bones and disintegrates your body like anger. (Keller)

The Power and Purpose of Anger � Anger not only disintegrates the body, but it disintegrates community : �A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel. (15: 18) �Mockers stir up a city, but wise men turn away anger. (29: 8) �An angry man stirs up dissension…. (29: 22 a) �…as churning the milk produces butter, and as twisting the nose produces blood, so stirring up anger produces strife. (30: 33)

The Power and Purpose of Anger � The anger of a righteous king is directed at and destroys evildoers in society: �Fear the LORD and the king, my son, and do not join with the rebellious…(24: 21) �…rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong … He is God's servant, an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. (Rom 13: 3 -4) �A king's wrath is a messenger of death, but a wise man will appease it. (16: 14) �A king's wrath is like the roar of a lion; he who angers him forfeits his life. (20: 2)

The Power and Purpose of Anger � Anger disintegrates your ability to make wise choices at all: �A quick-tempered man does foolish things… (14: 17 a) �A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly. (14: 29) �A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. (29: 11) � After you’ve cooled off, you feel like a fool because you were a fool! Anger often distorts your view of the world so that you make stupid choices.

When Anger is Good � We can see the destructive power of anger, but that is not all that the Bible says about anger: �God is sometimes angry - God is a righteous judge, a God who expresses his wrath every day (Psalm 7: 11) �Jesus (in His humanity) was sometimes angry - [Jesus] looked around at [the Pharisees] in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts… (Mar 3: 5) �We as believers are commanded to be angry in certain circumstances - Be angry [note this is a command] and do not sin… (Eph 4: 26 a ESV)

When Anger is Good � � Because we are commanded to be angry, this means that at times it can be a sin not to be angry! One of the early church fathers, John Chrysostom (349– 407), put it this way: �… the person who becomes angry without reason, sins … Further, the person who does not become angry when he has cause to be, sins. For an unreasonable patience is the hotbed of many vices: it fosters negligence, and stimulates not only the wicked, but above all the good, to do wrong. (Homily XI super Matheum, 1 c, nt. 7)

How Anger Goes Wrong � � � How do we distinguish a righteous anger from an sinful anger? If your anger is due to your recognition that a holy God has been offended by another’s behavior, that anger is righteous. On the other hand, if your anger is the result of not having your personal desires met, the anger is usually sinful: �What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? (James 4: 1)

How Anger Goes Wrong � The ideal in the Bible is not “no anger” but “slow anger” �A patient [=“slow to anger” ESV] man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly. (14: 29) �A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel. (15: 18) �Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city. (16: 32) �A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense. (19: 11)

How Anger Goes Wrong � Our model for “slow anger” is the Lord Himself – over and over in the Bible God characterizes Himself as “slow to anger”: �"The LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished…. ” (Exodus 34: 6 -7 a)

How Anger Goes Wrong � In contrast to righteous, “slow” anger, sinful anger tends to: �React too quickly: A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly. (14: 29) �Overreact: A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel. (15: 18)

How Anger Goes Wrong � There are two extremes in the way sinful anger shows itself: �Ventilation - blow up, raising their voice, name calling, using profanity, throwing, hitting and kicking things, biting sarcasm, and various other acts of vengeance �Internalization - cry, pout, sulk, retreat to another room, the “silent treatment” � � Some people blow up first then clam up. Others clam up until the pressure builds to overflowing and them they blow up.

How to Heal Your Anger � � � Admit it Analyze it Transform it

Admit Your Anger � Anger is difficult to admit, because we tend to want to hide it from others and even ourselves: �A malicious man disguises himself with his lips, but in his heart he harbors deceit. Though his speech is charming, do not believe him, for seven abominations fill his heart. His malice may be concealed by deception, but his wickedness will be exposed in the assembly. (26: 24 -26)

Analyze Your Anger � � Distinguish between sinful versus righteous anger Indentify the circumstances that provoked the anger: �What circumstances led to my becoming angry? �What happened to provoke me to anger?

Analyze Your Anger � Identify specific motives and thoughts associated with the anger: �What did I desire or long for when I became angry? �What did I say to myself (in my heart) when I became angry? For example: Do not say, “I'll do to him as he has done to me; I'll pay that man back for what he did. ” (24: 29) � The ability to discern thoughts and motives especially when you are experiencing intense emotion is an essential skill for the Christian who intends to pursue holiness.

Analyze Your Anger � It is difficult to detect wrong thoughts because they are often based on desires that may seem legitimate when in fact they are either: � Wrong Desires - Each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. (James 1: 14 -16) � Legitimate Desires that are desired inordinately You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. (James 4: 2).

Transform Your Anger � Evaluate the nature of anger producing thoughts and motives biblically: �What does the Bible say about what I wanted when I became angry? �Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when he stumbles, do not let your heart rejoice, or the LORD will see and disapprove and turn his wrath away from him. (24: 17 -18) �What does the Bible say about what I said to myself when I became angry? �Do not say, “I'll do to him as he has done to me; I'll pay that man back for what he did. ” (24: 29)

Transform Your Anger � Develop alternative biblical thoughts and motives to replace the unbiblical ones: �What should I have said to myself when I became angry? �What should I have wanted more than my own selfish desires? �If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you. (25: 2122)

The Ultimate Anger � � We have been looking at our anger, but the ultimate anger that we must face is the righteous anger that God has against us! "Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents [= millions of dollars] was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. "The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me, ' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything. ’ The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. (Mat 18: 23 -27)

The Ultimate Anger � "But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii [= a few thousand dollars]. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded. "His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back. ’ "But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened. (Mat 18: 28 -31)

The Ultimate Anger � "Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant, ' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you? ’ In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart. " (Mat 18: 32 -35)