THE BOOK OF PROVERBS SelfControl Proverbs and other

THE BOOK OF PROVERBS Self-Control Proverbs and other scriptures

The “Marshmellow” Man � “Marshmallow man” Walter Mischel is an Ivy League professor known for his experiments in self-control. Nearly 50 years ago, he created a test to see how various five-year-olds would respond to being left alone with a marshmallow for 15 minutes with instructions not to eat it — and with the promises that if they didn’t, they would be given two. The New York Times reports: � Famously, preschoolers who waited longest for the marshmallow went on to have higher SAT scores than the ones who couldn’t wait. In later years they were thinner, earned more advanced degrees, used less cocaine, and coped better with stress. As these first marshmallow kids now enter their 50 s, Mr. Mischel and colleagues are investigating whether the good delayers are richer, too. http: //www. nytimes. com/2014/09/14/opinion/sunday/learning-self-control. html? _r=0

Self Control Today we will look at: � What Self-Control Is � Why You Need Self-Control � How You Get Self-Control � The Ultimate Example of Self-Control

What Is Self Control? � � Self-control is the ability to both recognize and choose the important thing over the urgent thing at any given moment because within yourself your desires and passions are properly ordered: the most important things are wanted the most and the less important things are wanted less. (Keller) Self-control is the skill of saying “no” to sinful desires, even when it hurts. (Edward Welch, Self-Control: The Battle Against “One More”)

Why You Need Self-Control � � A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls. (25: 28) In the ancient world a city without walls was a disaster because it meant the city was defenseless against any band of robbers or foreign army that chose to invade it: � Some of the men from Judah, came to me, and I asked them about the Jews who had escaped and had survived the exile, and about Jerusalem. They said to me, "The remnant that remains from the exile there in the province are experiencing considerable adversity and reproach. The wall of Jerusalem lies breached, and its gates have been burned down!" When I heard these things I sat down abruptly, crying and mourning for several days. (Neh 1: 2 -4 NET)

Why You Need Self-Control � � A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls. (25: 28) Likewise, a person who lacks self-control is a disaster waiting to happen: �They are defenseless against the ravages of their own sin �Often others, seeing their weakness, will take advantage of them � The Proverbs speak of a number areas where the lack of self-control can show up in our life – all of them with devastating consequences

Why You Need Self-Control � Overindulgence and Alcoholism: �Listen, my son, and be wise, and keep your heart on the right path. Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags. (23: 19 -21 NIV) � Rage and Anger: �A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. (29: 11 NIV) �A hot-tempered man must pay the penalty; if you rescue him, you will have to do it again. (19: 19 NIV)

Why You Need Self-Control � Failure to Control Your Tongue: �He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity. (21: 23 NIV) �A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue. (17: 27 NIV) �If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless. (James 1: 26) �So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! (James 3: 5)

Why You Need Self-Control � We see numerous other areas in our day where people are out of control: �Drug Addictions �Gambling addictions �Sexual Addictions �Video Game Addictions �Compulsive Spenders � We have all these areas where we’re out of control, and the scary thing is, it only takes one breach in the wall for an enemy to come in a destroy us!

Why You Need Self-Control � How do people get started in such out-ofcontrol, addictive behaviors? � Addictions begin when someone begins doing something that is enjoyable (at first) and that they hope will give them relief from the stress of everyday life � But soon they begin to find that it takes more and more of what they’re doing in order to get the same level of relief, and so they begin to overindulge � As they over-indulge, the addictions begin to create their own distress � Finally addicts spiral down when they try to cure the additional pain with the thing that caused it!

How You Get Self-Control � The “Marshmallow man” offers this advice: � Part of what adults need to learn about self-control is in those videos of 5 -year-olds. The children who succeed turn their backs on the cookie, push it away, pretend it’s something nonedible like a piece of wood. . . Instead of staring down the cookie, they transform it into something with less of a throbbing pull on them. � Adults can use similar methods of distraction and distancing, he says. Don’t eye the basket of bread; just take it off the table. In moments of emotional distress, imagine that you’re viewing yourself from outside, or consider what someone else would do in your place. When a waiter offers chocolate mousse, imagine that a cockroach has just crawled across it. � “If you change how you think about it, its impact on what you feel and do changes, ”

How You Get Self-Control � � The Marshmallow man’s advice may be a good place to start, but the Bible has more to teach than methods of distraction and distancing. The Bible teaches us that true self-control is a gift. It is the fruit of the Holy Spirit: � But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, selfcontrol; (Gal 5: 22 -23) � � Therefore, ultimately, self-control is not something we whip up by our own strength, but something that we look to God for. But we also need to note that self-control is not a gift we receive passively, but actively. “As the Hebrews were promised the land, but had to take it by force, one town at a time, ” says Ed Welch, “so we are promised the gift of self-control, yet we also must take it by force” So how does this work?

How You Get Self-Control � � For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope--the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good. (Tit 2: 11 -14 NIV) What does this passage teach us about selfcontrol?

How You Get Self-Control � Titus 2: 11 -14 tells us: �The grace of God… has appeared – this, of course, refers to the unique historical appearance of Christ, which is communicated to us in the gospel �brings salvation - means that God’s favor (grace) has appeared with saving power �It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age – How does it do this?

How You Get Self-Control � Here is how self-control works: � In Genesis 29 it tells us: Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her. (Gen 29: 20) � How was Jacob able to exercise the self-control to stick with it? � He didn’t even feel like he was exercising selfcontrol! Because he loved her, all the other desires in his heart were mastered. � And this is how it works with us when we look to Christ to satisfy our needs and desires. � If we have a love for Christ like Jacob had for Rachel, we will work our “seven years” - while we wait for the blessed hope--the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior (Titus 2: 13) and they will seem to us “but a few days”.

How You Get Self-Control � How do we get this love for Christ? � Ultimately God has to give it to us. � For our part, we need to recognize that nothing else in this life will satisfy us, ultimately. � Being consumed with a love for Christ is the only “addiction” that won’t send you into a downward spiral that will destroy you! � We need to remind ourselves over and over, that this is the case. � And we need to ask God to give us the kind of love for Christ that will make years of hard work seem like a few days and then trust him to do so. � And as God gives us this love, piece by piece, we need to recognize that it has come from him and thank him for it.

How You Get Self-Control � Interestingly enough, it seems that even the Marshmallow man would have to agree! He is quoted at the end of the New York Times article as saying: �Self-control alone doesn’t guarantee success. People also need a “burning goal” that gives them a reason to activate these skills. http: //www. nytimes. com/2014/09/14/opinion/sunday/learning-self-control. html? _r=0

How You Get Self-Control � � We need to pray along with the apostle Paul: I pray that out of [God the Father’s] glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being…. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. (Eph 3: 16 -21 NIV)

The Ultimate Example of Self-Control � Because self-control is a gift, produced in and through us by God’s Spirit, Christians can and should be the people on the planet most hopeful about growing in self-control. We are, after all, brothers of the most selfcontrolled man in the history of the world. (David Mathis in a Desiring God blog article) http: //www. desiringgod. org/articles/self-control-and-the-power-of-christ

The Ultimate Example of Self-Control � � � All Jesus’ life he was “without sin” (Hebrews 4: 15). “He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth” (1 Peter 2: 22). He stayed the course even when sweat came like drops of blood (Luke 22: 44). He could have called twelve legions of angels (Matthew 26: 53), but he had the wherewithal to not rebut the false charges (Matthew 27: 14) or defend himself (Luke 23: 9). When reviled, he did not revile in return (1 Peter 2: 23). They spit in his face and struck him; some slapped him (Matthew 26: 67). They scourged him (Matthew 27: 26). In every trial and temptation, “he learned obedience through what he suffered” (Hebrews 5: 8), and at the pinnacle of his self-control he was “obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Philippians 2: 8). http: //www. desiringgod. org/articles/self-control-and-the-power-of-christ

The Ultimate Example of Self-Control � Tim Keller sums it up this way: �What Jesus did took incredible endurance. How did he get self control? �What prize could have motivated that endurance? There is only one thing Jesus Christ did not have before the cross, that he had after the cross: us. �The reason he had the self-control that he had is that we were his Rachel. And the degree to which you know that, it will convert your soul and he will become your Rachel and you will be able to do anything. �All the anxiety will be gone, all the addictions eventually will be gone – after a lot of work…

The Ultimate Example of Self-Control � (Keller continued): �Don’t you see? The grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us… �“Teaches us” means to argue with us, it pushes us. The gospel says, “You are loved! You are his Rachel, make him your Rachel!” �And the more that sinks down the more you will live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope--the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ. �That’s the secret of self-control.