THE BOOK OF PROVERBS Mending Broken Relationships Proverbs

*Wisdom in Mending Relationships � � � If you’ve got something to say to a friend that’s going be hard for that person to hear, but good for them. Should you tell them: � Now? � Later? � Only if certain circumstances present themselves? � Not tell them at all? Any one of those options is morally acceptable – the moral rules don’t distinguish between them. But one or two of them will probably destroy the relationship and maybe even harm the person. One or two of them might bring great good to the person. Which do you choose? *Example taken from Tim Keller’s Sermon on “Relationship Repair” in his Proverbs series

Wisdom in Mending Relationships It doesn’t matter how good or moral you are, if you’re stupid! And the book of Proverbs says you need to get the wisdom, it’s not enough just to be good, you need to be wise! � You can’t make it in life without the right relationships. Relationships will make or break your life. And therefore you won’t make it unless you’re wise enough to know how and why relationships tend to break down and how you can repair them. �

Mending Broken Relationships � � Today we will be looking at a few proverbs that will help us as we attempt to mend broken relationships. Ultimately, real harmony between any two people depends on both parties making an effort. But the New Testament instructs us concerning our relationships with others that: If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. (Romans 12: 18 NIV) Therefore our focus today will be to look at the efforts that you need to make in order to mend the broken relationships in your life and live at peace with others.

Mending Broken Relationships � � Ultimately, we have no control over the behavior of those with whom we are in conflict. But, if we are wise, we will see that we often have a great deal of opportunity to mend our broken relationships by: �Recognizing ways that we have, perhaps unknowingly, contributed to the conflict. �Seeing ways to positively influence the person with whom we are in conflict.

Mending Broken Relationships Today we will look at: � What’s Broken? � What Do We Need to Do About It? � The Ultimate Fix to Broken Relationships

What’s Broken? � � A broken relationship occurs when someone says or does something that is painful to us and we develop ill-will toward them because of it and begin to view them as an “enemy”. As a result of our ill-will, we then begin to find happiness in our new found enemy’s unhappiness: Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles (24: 17) But it doesn’t stop there!

What’s Broken? � � � We then begin doing things to hurt them because we enjoy their misery and we want to pay them back for what (we believe) they’ve done to hurt us: Be not a witness against your neighbor without cause, and do not deceive with your lips. Do not say, “I will do to him as he has done to me; I will pay the man back for what he has done. ” (24: 28 -29) And it gets worse…

What’s Broken? � � When we have hatred or ill-will towards others we often don’t want to admit it and so we’ll try to conceal it from others and sometimes we won’t even see it in ourselves: He who conceals his hatred [= ill-will] has lying lips, and whoever spreads slander is a fool. (10: 18 - NIV) But our ill-will for others eventually comes out when we talk about them (to others and to ourselves), because we’ll say things about them that are designed to damage them and bring them down. Why do we do this?

What’s Broken? � � When our enemy hurts us by sinning against us, the Bible tells us that the Lord is angry with them and he promises that he will avenge us (Rom. 12: 19). But when we gloat over our enemies’ demise, the Lord finds our gloating so morally repulsive that he would rather stop punishing our enemy than put up with our gloating! Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles, lest the LORD see it and be displeased, and turn away his anger from him. (24: 17 -18) In other words, God finds our gloating over our enemy more offensive than our enemy’s sin against us. Why is that?

What’s Broken? � � � Because when we seek to take revenge on others for what they have done to us, we are putting ourselves in the place of God and taking a prerogative that he reserves for himself alone: Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord. " (Rom 12: 19) Only God has the right to take revenge and only God has the wisdom to punish sinners in a manner that is just.

What Do We Need to Do About It? � � First of all, we need to recognize that just because something that someone does is painful to us, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re an enemy or that what they did was wrong. Consider the possibility that they may be a friend who is trying to help us: Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses (27: 5 -6) If it turns out this is the case – be thankful! Such friends are a blessing!

What Do We Need to Do About It? � � � If the offense or thing that caused you pain is not a clearly sinful act or part of a sinful pattern of behavior, consider the possibility of overlooking the offense altogether: Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent. Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered. (11: 12 -13) Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends (17: 9)

What Do We Need to Do About It? � � � Rather than gloating when our enemy suffers, we are told we should actively seek to do them good: If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you. (25: 21 -22 - NIV) If you’re unwilling to actively seek their good, it is evidence that you’re still harboring ill-will towards them and need to deal with it.

What Do We Need to Do About It? � � � If the offense was a clearly sinful act or part of a sinful pattern of behavior, “doing them good” may involve you confronting them over their sin. If you’ve dealt with your ill-will prior to approaching the person who offended you, you will be much more apt to approach them with humility and gentleness as you ought to (Gal. 6: 1 ff) and you will be much more likely to have a positive response from them: A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (15: 1)

The Ultimate Fix to Broken Relationships � � � Keeping a proper attitude towards those whom we feel have hurt us, is often painful and humanly impossible apart from God empowering us through his Spirit. But it will be helpful to keep in mind, that what God is asking us to do toward our enemies is something that he has already done towards us: For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. (Rom 5: 10)