The 7 Stages of Marriage Presented by Rita
The 7 Stages of Marriage Presented by Rita De. Maria, Ph. D. Council for Relationships July 9, 2009 Session 210 Smart Marriages Happy Families Orlando, Florida 1
The Timeline of Marriage Embrace Change • Every marriage is unique. • Change never, ever stops. • Incredible, inevitable journey • Live your stage. • Cultivate love 2
What’s in Store • • Understand the core mission of your marriage. Develop new strengths for the journey ahead. Sidestep advice that could threaten your marriage. Avoid time and effort-wasting wrong moves. 3
What difference does a Stage make? Life experience is dynamic, changing and dimensional • Life cycle development is predictable • Life cycle development is individual, interactional, and intergenerational • Life cycle development is marked by the passing of time 4
What is unique about the “ 7 Stages”? • Developmental issues and tasks have been identified • Normative events are described • Practical exercises and activities useful in educational workshops and counseling practice 5
The Benefit of Knowing the 7 Stages • Provides a roadmap for today and tomorrow • Normalizes the experiences of marriage • Knowing the missions for the stages provides focus 6
Marriage Today • • Marriage is a value What the Stats tell us The Reader's Digest Survey The Benefits of Marriage 7
Reader’s Digest Survey The Survey Says…. . • Marriage Isn’t Broken • It’s Really About Trust • Laughter is More Important than Sex • Guys Get Gushy About Marriage, Too • Challenges Make Us Stronger 8
7 Stages at a Glance • Passion • Realization • Rebellion • Cooperation • Reunion • Explosion • Completion 9
Measuring Your Marriage Life Long Journey • Stages don’t have start times – or ending dates. • Two stages can overlap. • You can “repeat” or revisit an earlier stage. • You can use the lessons of an earlier stage to enhance your current stage. 10
PASSION The Love Cocktail – Know the essential ingredients 11
The Missions • Mission 1 – Savor the Passion • Mission 2 – Forge a Sense of “We” • Mission 3 – Learn your Love Languages • Mission 4 – Build Emotional Intimacy • Mission 5 – Expand Your Sexual Vocabulary 12
REALIZATION The rose-colored glasses come off now – differentiation begins 13
The Missions • Mission 1: Understand your Expectations • Mission 2: Open, Honest Talking • Mission 3: Learn Empathetic Listening • Mission 4: Be Friends • Mission 5: Split Household Chores Fairly • Mission 6: Become a Money Team 14
REBELLION Me, Me! Growth through conflict - from control to compromise. . on to negotiation 15
The Missions • Mission 1: Turn Power Struggles into Acceptance • Mission 2: Move from Conflict to Problem- Solving • Mission 3: Set and Pursue Healthy Personal Goals • Mission 4: Renew Your Spirituality • Mission 5: Recover from Infidelities • Mission 6: Forgive Your Spouse and Yourself 16
COOPERATION Lots to do – work, family, friends, future planning Not enough time Not enough money Not enough sexual intimacy 17
The Missions • Mission 1: Let Parenthood Strengthen Your Marriage • Mission 2: Settle Conflicts – and Connect as Friends • Mission 3: Invite Romance Back into Your Marriage • Mission 4: De-Stress – and Make Love Again 18
REUNION The First Stage of the Rest of Your Marriage – strengthening mutuality 19
The Missions • Mission 1: Shift Your Focus Back to Your Marriage • Mission 2: Get off Autopilot • Mission 3: Welcome Boomerang Kids – Without Neglecting Your Marriage • Mission 4: Use Your Marriage to Create Good Health 20
EXPLOSION Random Crises Health -physical/emotional Work Family Trauma 21
• Caring for Aging Parents • Mission 1: Make Care giving a Team Effort • Mission 2: Enjoy Your Marriage 22
• Depression • Mission 1: Fight the Depression • Mission 2: Protect Your Marriage – and Yourself 23
• Job Loss • Mission 1: Set a New Budget – and New Priorities • Mission 2: Support Each Other 24
• Weight Gain • Mission 1: Feel Good about Your Body • Mission 2: Take care of your health and reduce your spouse’s anxiety 25
COMPLETION Recreating and Enjoying Life Continuity and Loss 26
The Missions • Mission 1: Keep Your Marriage Growing • Mission 2: Play – And Be in the Moment • Mission 3: Share a New Sense of Meaning and Purpose and Prepare for Loss • Mission 4: Reorganize Your Time, Your Territory, Your Tasks 27
Applications for Workshops 28
Applications in Counseling Couples 29
Thank you! • Rita De. Maria, Ph. D. • 215 -628 -2450 • marriagedoctor@aol. com • www. marriagedoctor. com • Note: The actual presentation PPT presentation may differ from the handout copy. Participants may contact Rita De. Maria for an updated handout. 30
Thank you! • The 7 Stages of Marriages provides a lifelong guide to identifying and exploring the missions, challenges and rewards of the stages of marriage. • Congratulations – Rita De. Maria, Ph. D. 31
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