THE 3 Rs KIDS NEED FROM EVERYONE Respect

THE 3 R’s KIDS NEED FROM EVERYONE! Respect, Responsibility, & Resilience Deborah Gilboa, M. D.

hap·pi· ness: noun good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy INGREDIENTS: 1. Confidence 2. Competence 3. Relationships

KID BRAINS • Temperament • Content-free • Genetic • Biologic • Character • Content-rich • Culture-based • Experience-dependent

MOVING TARGETS • Character predictors in children/teens • • Gratitude Curiosity Self-control Grit • Culture-based • Experiential learning

If you could wave a magic wand. . . Which behavior would you change?

THE 3 “R’s” KIDS REALLY NEED Respect CONFIDENCE, gratitude, curiousity Responsibility COMPETENCE, self-control Resilience RELATIONSHIPS, grit

RESPECT • Tone of voice. • Titles of respect. • Eye contact • Body Language • Secret Code • Negotiating • Privacy • 3 sentences; amazing results!

RESPONSIBILITY • How can I help? • Homework • Practice • Community service • One work ethic; 2 sentences

WHAT IS RESILIENCE? The ability to RECOVER from ADVERSITY! • What do we know? – Bad things happen. – There always choices to be made. – Feelings change over time. – Recovery requires tools and experience. • What do people need? PRACTICE.

Who needs it? Adults! • When we are… – Hurt – Angry – Scared – Overwhelmed – Stressed! Kids! • When they are… – Hurt – Angry – Scared – Overwhelmed – Stressed!

WHAT’S HAPPENING TO ADULTS? • Nurturing – Children, partners, parents, siblings, friends • Working – Jobs, volunteering, continuing education • Reacting – Illness, injury, deadlines, the UNEXPECTED • Exploring – Relationships, finances, communities, opportunities SEARCHING… for balance

WHAT’S THE ANTIDOTE? What do we need? 1. Communication 2. Respect 3. Health 4. Opportunity 5. RESILIENCE

HOW DO ADULTS GET IT? Perspective – Control what you can control Strategies • • • Clear goals Accessible, safe stress relievers Manageable commitments Well-developed support network Resources we’re willing to use

HOW DO KIDS? Ø Ø Ø Mistakes teach resilience. Praise the process. Let life teach the lesson. Choices, within limits. Encourage some risk-taking. Reach out for resources! “I’ll be really interested to see what you do!”

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