TEEN LEADERSHIP Chapter 3 REVIEW Chapter 12 Warm

TEEN LEADERSHIP Chapter 3

REVIEW Chapter 1&2

Warm Up ■ Good Things – Please think of a good thing ■ Warm-Up Question – What are some things you remember from TL last year? – If you were not hear last year, what are some things you would want to do and know as a good leader?

Review Activity ■ Topic sheets are hung up around the room. With a group of no more than 3 please go around and write something you know about each of the topics. – Try to write something that has not already been included or add something new to a statement that has already been written.

Topic Review Answers ■ What is Leadership? ■ Social Contract ■ Attitude ■ First Impression ■ Goals ■ Speeches ■ Self-Concept ■ Reframing ■ Internal vs External Qualities of a Leader

SOCIAL CONTRACT Building the Social Contract

Warm Up ■ Good Things – Please complete the good things on page 38 in your Student Manual ■ Journal (write in your journal section) or MLT (My Life Today) – What are some important elements of a good team?

Home Run ■ Welcome back to another great day of Teen Leadership. We are going to start off a little differently today. I want to know how you feel when you complete a great accomplishment. What if no one was there to see it or share it with you? Let’s see how you would feel if you accomplished what occurs in this video. Feel free to move to the beat. ■ http: //TLfiles. com/homerun

Journal ■ Journal (write in your journal section) – After watching the video, “Home Run, ” why is it great to be part of a team when you fail or when you succeed? ■ Let’s share the journal

Explanation of Social Contract ■ I can tell by most of your answers you see the benefits of having support to help you get through the tough times in life, but it sure is nice if someone is there to celebrate those home runs. Think about it: would it really feel like a home run if there was no one in the stands to cheer for us? I don’t think so. Let’s talk about how we can create that same feeling in here. ■ Before we get more into leadership skills, let’s talk a little about how, as leaders, we’re going to conduct ourselves during this course. Has anyone ever heard of the term Social Contract? The Social Contract is an agreement that groups enter into with each other. It originated from ropes courses and other wilderness experiences. Before groups would enter into potentially dangerous experiences together, they had to agree to this contract.

Building the Social Contract ■ How many of you get tired of your teacher nagging you and telling you what to do? Well, I’m not going to do that because you’re mature adults. This is your class, so you are going to decide how we treat each other, and you are going to help each other follow what you decide. I am no longer going to be the police. ■ The best part is that if you help each other, I don’t have to get involved, and there will be no consequences. Our social contract is an agreement of behavior. Behavior only! The contract does not take the place of consequences and procedures. We’ve already gone over my procedures and the school’s rules. We will also go over the consequences of not following the contract once we’ve built it! Of course, our ultimate goal is to have a completely self-managing class where consequences are only needed on a rare occasion. Teamwork is the number one quality employers look for when hiring. I think we are already a good team, but let’s work like one to build this contract.

Small Group Discussion ■ How do you want me (the course leader) to treat you? ■ How do you want to treat each other? ■ How do you think I (course leader) want to be treated by you? ■ How do you want to treat each other when there is conflict?

Processing ■ 1 st group – Ask the spokesperson to read the question – Have the spokesperson read two elements off of their list – Have the scribe list the words on the contract – Choose one word to process and ask the group, “How is that going to look in here? ” – Ask “what if” questions ■ All remaining groups – Ask the spokesperson to read their questions, then read two elements off their list (even if their word is already on the contract) – Ask the spokesperson to tell you exact words or synonyms from their list that are already on the contract; scribe puts a check mark behind duplicated words. – Have the scribe add any new words to the contract – As answers are given, choose one word to process based on issues you know occur throughout the year. Then ask, “How is that going to look in here? ” – Ask a “what if” question if needed – Continue this process until each group has answered questions number one. Then process remaining questions in the same manner.

Processing ■ Appropriate language: The standard is the professional world. We are trying to prepare you for the professional world!

Non-Verbal Signs ■ Timeout: This is ow we come together! ■ Foul: If it is called, it counts. It is not a toy; don’t joke around. Don’t play with it! – Someone can call a foul for someone else. If a foul is called, no explanation is needed. For every put down you give two put ups! Are your feelings hurt? ■ Check (calling out greatness): This keeps the Course Leader out of it! Don’t shove a check in someone’s face. It’s not my job to correct Sally, my job is to help her! You’re trying to help each other before I have to step in. If you get checked, what should your response always be? Thank you! You should worry if you’re not being checked; it means they don’t care about you! ■ We are all going to mess up. I know I sure will, but with your help we can do this.

Launch ■ Have a few students pick out a couple of their favorite words from the contract and explain why they are meaningful to them. ■ Can you imagine what would happen in our school if everyone treated each other in the halls the way we agreed to on our contract? It would be amazing. Let’s be the ones who start that TODAY! ■ If we started today, I bet our campus would look as great as Thunderbolt Middle School in Lake Havasu, AZ. Let’s watch together: – http: //TLfiles. com/thunderbolt

LESSON 14 Emotional Intelligence

Warm Up ■ Good Things – Please complete the good things on page 38 in your Student Manual ■ Journal (write in your journal section) or MLT (My Life Today) – Why is it important for leaders to evaluate their speaking abilities? – How would you rate yours so far? – In what areas do you want to improve?

Warm Up ■ Good Things – Please complete the good things on page 38 in your Student Manual ■ Journal (write in your journal section) or MLT (My Life Today) – What is an element of the Social Contract that you think you will be able to help the class with?

Emotional Intelligence ■ Today, I would like to teach you have to make money, get a job, impress the President, help people to like you, and get the attention of adults. ■ If I could teach you that, would you be interested?

Emotional Intelligence ■ Well, let me ask you this: ■ Do you know what your I. Q. is? Have you heard any discussions about how smart someone is? Do you think you are very smart? ■ How can you tell if someone is very smart? ■ What would you base your opinion on and how would you know if you’re right? ■ Wow! That’s a lot of questions ■ Let me tell you what we have found. You will be surprised, but at the same time, you will agree that you knew it all along. ■ Most people in education have been taught that intelligence is a combined score of math and verbal abilities. The way we measure this is by giving you a test and then scoring it. The result is what we would call your I. Q. or intelligence quotient. ■ But, there is a problem. We have found that I. Q. does not tell us anything about how people will perform in their workplace, nor does it tell us anything about how smart someone is. To determine smart, we have to look at some other things. Emotional Intelligence is a measure of several skills and abilities that are neither verbal nor mathematical.

Discussion ■ What kinds of skills make up the emotional scales? ■ Here’s a hint: you have to have these skills to do well in society. You have to have these skills to get along well with people. These are the personal skills and people that make things happen.

I POSSESS ■ I – Interpersonal Skills – A joint Scale, Which combines empathy and social skills ■ P – Persistence – The ability to stick with something ■ O – Optimism – The ability to be positive in the face of adversity or struggle ■ S- Self- Awareness – The ability to understand who you are ■ S – Self-Control – The ability to control your impulses or urges ■ E – Empathy – The ability to feel what others feel ■ S – Social Skills – -The ability to interact with others in a positive, successful way ■ S – Self-Motivation – The ability to tell yourself what to do, rather than needing someone else to tell you what to do

Demonstration of Acronym ■ We will divide in to groups and develop a cheer, song, or motion to act out the acronym I POSSESS. Associate each letter with the word and demonstrate the meaning.

Emotional Intelligence Reflection ■ There are no right or wrong answers; this is for self-reflection only. After they are finished, begin a discussion on areas of strength and areas they need to grow in. The purpose of this reflection is for them to begin thinking about where they are in relation to their emotional intelligence. By reflecting on their behaviors and attitudes, they will begin to see how the information in this chapter will help them grow and become a better leader through the development of I POSSESS skills.

Journal ■ Write down your thoughts about your results on your self reflection. – Choose the skill you think is the most important and write about why you think that one is important. – Choose the skill you are strongest in and write why you think it is important. – Choose the skill you are weakest in and write your ideas for improving that skill.

LESSON 15 Persistence and Optimism

Warm Up ■ Good Things – Please complete the good things on page 40 in your Student Manual ■ Journal (write in your journal section) or MLT (My Life Today) – Why is Emotional Intelligence more important to success than I. Q. ?

Activity : Review E. I. Acronym ■ Review the cheer or song that was created.

Movie Trailer ■ http: //TLfiles. com/surfervideo ■ As you watch this movie trailer, look for the different I POSSESS skills. When it is over I will ask you what skills you saw Bethany use? What would have happened to Bethany if she did not have the IPOSSESS skills. ■ Watch the entire Soul surfer video and use the packet.

Persistence ■ Today we’re going to start looking at the individual scales. The first one is Interpersonal Skills is a joint scale, which combines two of the other scales: Empathy and Social Skills. WE will talk about Interpersonal Skills when we look at those two. So for now, let’s go on to the “P, ” Persistence.

Discussion ■ Tell me what persistence means. ■ What situations can you think of where you need persistence? ■ What happens to a person who has low persistence? ■ What happens to a person with high persistence? ■ Think about what this means: Persistence is directly ties to an internal drive to stick with something. ■ Let’s talk about choices and consequences. What are some of the major choices you will make in your life in the next five or six years, and what will happen if you have low persistence? – High school: Low persistence=drop out or don’t finish, and then a low-paying job. – College: Low persistence=drop out or don’t finish. – Job: low persistence=get fired or no promotions, poor, can’t pay bills. – Marriage: Low persistence= divorce. ■ What other areas of your life can you think of where persistence is important to your success?

Activity: Role-Play ■ Choose two people fro each of the following role-play scenarios. One person will demonstrate approaching the task with persistence, and the other will lack persistence. The role-play topics below are just suggestions. Feel free to devise role-plays that are relevant to your particular class. – Doing homework or chores – Training for and practicing as skill or sport – Training a pet – Deciding to do or accomplish something in the face of taunts from peers ■ After each role-play, engage the class in a discussion about what they observed.

Activity: Role-Play Continued ■ Think back to the soul Surfer video trailer we watched, Bethany only had one arm. In this next activity students will try to do some of these things with just one arm. Each student picks five of the following activities to do with one arm/hand: ■ Why does it take persistence to do this? What other I POSSESS skills do you have to use to accomplish these tasks with one arm? ■ Do a push up ■ Wash a dish ■ Sharpen pencil ■ Tie shoes ■ Fold clothes ■ Clap Type ■ Open bottle ■ Wash hand ■ Sweep floor ■ Put on/Take off socks and shoes ■ Put lotion on hand ■ Put hair in a pony-tail ■ Cut paper in half with scissors

Optimism ■ http: //TLfiles. come/babyfired ■ What does this commercial have to do with optimism? ■ How does the baby stay positive? ■ What happens when people are not optimistic? ■ Why is optimism important in school? Sports? Friendships? Families?

Discussion ■ What are some situations where you would need optimism? ■ What’s the opposite of being optimistic? ■ What happens to a person who is pessimistic? ■ What happens to a person who is optimistic? ■ Optimism is an internally-driven ability to be positive in the face of adversity or struggle. It means a person can choose and act in a positive way even when things are tough.

Journal ■ Think of a time when you needed to be positive. What difference did being positive make during that time?

Discussion ■ Think of some people who are not positive. ■ What effect has it had on their lives? ■ Being optimistic makes a tremendous difference in your performance also! Think of what a difference being optimistic would make if you were employed. ■ What would the difference be in that situation? ■ If you were an optimistic athlete, what would be the difference? ■ If you had all optimistic teachers, what would be the difference? ■ Can you see the difference optimism makes in a person’s life?

Activity: Role-Play ■ Choose two people, one to be optimistic and one to be pessimistic, for each of the following role-play scenarios: ■ An upcoming sports event ■ Practicing for an upcoming music or drama event ■ Studying for a test ■ Theses are just suggestions. Feel free to devise role-play scenarios relevant to your particular class. ■ After each role-play, engage the class in a discussion about what they observed. ■ Write a one-paragraph summary of your thoughts about today’s lesson in their journals.

Assignment ■ Read Lesson 15 on page 41. ■ Why is persistence an important quality for a leader

Sentimental Circle ■ Have the students bring a very important object from home and tell why it’s important to them. Sit comfortably on the floor in a circle to create a more informal atmosphere.

Affirmations ■ Read page 24 in your student manual ■ Write a positive note to someone in our class (that you haven’t written yet), and put it in the person’s envelope.

LESSON 16 Self-Awareness

Warm Up ■ Good Things – Please complete the good things on page 42 in your Student Manual ■ Journal (write in your journal section) MLT (My Life Today) – Why is optimism an important quality for a leader?

Review of E. I. Acronym ■ I – Interpersonal Skills – A joint Scale, Which combines empathy and social skills ■ P – Persistence – The ability to stick with something ■ O – Optimism – The ability to be positive in the face of adversity or struggle ■ S- Self- Awareness – The ability to understand who you are ■ S – Self-Control – The ability to control your impulses or urges ■ E – Empathy – The ability to feel what others feel ■ S – Social Skills – -The ability to interact with others in a positive, successful way ■ S – Self-Motivation – The ability to tell yourself what to do, rather than needing someone else to tell you what to do

Self-Awareness ■ Today we’re going to continue looking at the individual scales. The next one in the acronym is Self-Awareness. – What do you think self-awareness means? ■ It’s having an understanding of who you are. To be self-aware, we have to stop long enough to reflect on ourselves. Being self-aware is different from stopping and thinking about what others say about us. Being self-aware is thinking about what we know about ourselves. To be self-aware, we have to know ourselves and be aware of what is going on with us. We need to know the causes of what goes on and what we can do about it. ■ It would not be cool to come out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to the bottom of your shoe or with your zipper down and to have everyone else know it except you. Self-awareness is a great thing. But, it is true, some people don’t have a clue, and they go through life dumber than dirt. But even dirt can know it’s dirt, I guess. ■ Just think about it. WE all have things about ourselves we need to be aware of. For instance, some people talk too much, and some talk too loudly, some interrupt while others are talking. Some people are shy while others tend to dominate situations. Some are almost always late. Also, some people are considerate of others, some people are always happy, and some are quick to offer an encouraging word. Now, for the big question: How do we become more self-aware?

Looking at Ourselves ■ Let’s think for a minute about something we do well. It doesn’t matter what it is, and it’s not important that you be the very best in the world at doing it. What matters is that you can identify something you do well. Write it down in your manual. Now pair up with your neighbor and share what you wrote. Tell your partner something about when, where, and how you do the thing you wrote down. ■ Now let’s do the same thing with something negative. Something that you feel you need to change or do differently or maybe not do at all. But this time, don’t share it with anyone. Just keep it for yourself. Write this down in your manual. ■ Think for a minute about yourself physically and think of something that you like about yourself. Again, don’t tell anyone, just write it in your manual.

Discussion ■ Self-awareness. Each of us must go through this process if we are to grow. ■ Think of some of the things you would get from developing self-awareness and how it can make a difference in your life. ■ Think of people who are not self-aware and what this had done in their life. ■ Think of people who have self-awareness and what it had done for them.

Discussion Continued ■ Did you know that you can’t accurately self-assess? In other words, we don’t know all the things we are doing that are driving people crazy and getting in the way of our relationships. WE may be very sarcastic and think everyone thinks we’re funny when in reality we are hurting people and damaging relationships. If we can’t easily see what it is we are doing that gets in the way of our relationships, what is something we could do to find out? ■ The answer you're looking for is, “Let’s ask!” ■ So if we’re going to ask someone, should we just put it out there on social media? Do you want all 1, 000 friends you have on Facebook telling you what you're doing that’s getting in the way of your relationships? How many of those 1, 000 friends do you even know very well? There’s a phrase I want you to remember: relational capacity. Write it down and write down this definition. Relational capacity is the ability within a relationship to withstand the struggles and issues of life. IN other words, it’s what you have with someone you care about and can trust. Someone whose opinion matters to you. Someone who will be honest with you. Who are some people in your life like that? ■ Id like you to ask someone you have relational capacity with…like a parent, a teacher, a coach, or a mentor this question: “What is one thing I do that gets in the way of our relationship? ” Now when they tell you, it might sting a little bit, so what do you need to do with that information? How should you react when they tell you? That’s right, we don’t want to get defensive and we want to grow. So take the information and come up with a plan to work on it. If you don’t understand what they told you, ask them to give you an example. What happens to the relationship if you say, “Well, that’s just who I am, you can take it or leave it. ” Sadly, many people do leave it, and are left without that relationship, or they continue to cause dmange that may end up being very hard to repair. Would’t it be better to fix it now tthan to wait until it’s too late? Ask the person to help you; ask them to hold you accountable. Good luck. I know you can do this. What does working on your relationships show the people in your lives?

Pig Personality Quiz ■ Just for fun, let’s take a quiz! I want everyone to get out a new piece of paper with no on it. Now, I want you to draw a pig on that piece of paper. It’s your pig, not anyone else’s. Don’t try to see how other people are drawing their pig because it’s yours! (After the students draw their pig, use the downloadable worksheet to tell them what their pig says out them. ) Discuss. How many of them think the drawing accurately describe them? How many do not? Did they learn anything about themselves by doing this activity?

Journal Questions ■ What are some areas in your life where you need to be more self-aware? ■ What could result in your life from not being self-aware? ■ People with low self-awareness do not grow. They are unable to address the issues in their lives, and they stay where they are, doing what they have always done and wondering why their life is not going where they want it to go. Being self-aware is the first step to personal growth. ■ AS they say, “If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always gotten. ” That’s why we say that to grow we must first “get a clue!” Get Self-Aware and Get Ahead.

LESSON 17 Self-Control and Empathy

Warm Up ■ Good Things – Please complete the good things on page 44 in your Student Manual ■ Journal (write in your journal section) MLT (My Life Today) – Why is self-awareness an important quality for a leader?

Review of E. I. Acronym ■ I – Interpersonal Skills – A joint Scale, Which combines empathy and social skills ■ P – Persistence – The ability to stick with something ■ O – Optimism – The ability to be positive in the face of adversity or struggle ■ S- Self- Awareness – The ability to understand who you are ■ S – Self-Control – The ability to control your impulses or urges ■ E – Empathy – The ability to feel what others feel ■ S – Social Skills – -The ability to interact with others in a positive, successful way ■ S – Self-Motivation – The ability to tell yourself what to do, rather than needing someone else to tell you what to do

Self-Control ■ Today we are going to look at self-control – What would you say self control means? ■ Right! Self-control is the ability to control your impulses or urges to do something. ■ Self-control is the most difficult of all areas for most people. It is something that you have to work at, especially when you are young. ■ The period of adolescence is one of the toughest in your life. I know, I hear adults say the same things that you do: “This is one of the happiest times in your life, and you should be enjoying it. ” Well, in some ways that is true, but it is also one of the most difficult times. ■ Being a teenager is tough. You’re going through hormones, decisions, peers, and the struggles they are having. You have to be there for you friends, and you’re trying to find your own identity. You’re trying to gain freedom at home and figure out who you go with, where you will go with your life, what you will do, and on. Personally, I don’t want to do it again!

Self-Control Continued ■ What it boils down to is being able to say to yourself that you will or will not do something. For example, you have the opportunity to take something without paying for it. What do you do? ■ Or, you have the opportunity to do something that you know you can get away with and now you have to decide. What do you do? – How many examples can you think of where you have choices, and every time you have to exercise self-control as to what you do? – Let the students brainstorm situations where they would need self-control. Write them on the board. You might want them to role-play their ideas. – In fact, your whole life is filled with choices about what to do, and every one of them involves self-control.

Activity: Role-Play ■ The scene is your classroom on a day when you have a substitute teacher. Someone plays the teacher. Everyone else goes out into the hall and comes in. Use three different scenarios: ■ Everyone comes in not using self-control (talking, being disrespectful, etc. ) ■ Everyone comes in using self-control ■ One group does not use self-control. What do the others do?

Discussion ■ How would Teen Leaders, knowing what we know, behave with a substitute? Think of our meeting and greeting skills, for example. ■ Something that most people don’t understand is that you can’t wake up some morning and say, “Well, I think I’ll have self-control today. ” It is not that easy. You gain self-control over time, and you have to work at it or it won’t happen. You also fail during this time of growing. That’s fine. The trick is not to get discouraged and quit. A life without self-control is a life out-of-control. Learning to say “no” and “yes” at the right times is something all of us have to learn. When you don’t learn this, the consequences are bad. ■ If you can’t control yourself, someone else will, and that’s not cool. I value my freedom, and I would do whatever it took to keep it. If you want to be free, you have to learn self-control.

Marshmallow Experiment ■ http: //TLfiles. com/marshmallow ■ What did you think? ■ Isn’t it interesting that the kids that had more self-control ended up happier and better able to adjust to life’s ups and downs? ■ Why do you think that is? What do you think you would have done with the marshmallow? ■ What does this tell you about self-control? So when your parents tell you “no, ” you ought to be thanking them! They are getting you more friends!

Empathy ■ The next scale we’re going to talk about is empathy. ■ What does empathy mean? ■ Empathy is the ability to feel what others feel. Empathy is the key to being human. For us to be part of the social community, we have to be in touch with other people and their feelings. ■ Empathy develops in people through their early learning experiences. WE learn empathy through our crying, hurting, sharing, being cared for and accepted, as well as having someone hold us and learning how to express feelings. The difficult thing for many people is that when they go to school, often they are made fun of and teased. When this happens, they can quickly end up feeling uncared for and alone. For many of us, school is a painful experience. WE seem to be surrounded by people and sometimes by friend, but in reality, we can feel very alone. ■ It is possible to learn how to express empathy during these early years of childhood and adolescence. One of the things we need to do is to learn to listen to others and learn how to understand someone’s feelings. When you are in your Teen Leadership class, and someone is sharing something that is painful or difficult, take the time to try to understand get in touch with what that person is feeling. Empathy is caring about and understanding what the other person is feeling.

Discussion ■ Can you see empathy? ■ How can someone show empathy to someone else? ■ How do you feel when someone shows you empathy? ■ How do you feel when you show someone else empathy? ■ What does empathy have to do with being a good leader? ■ What does it do to a group when someone is upset and someone in the group makes a mean or sarcastic remark about that person or how the person is expressing feelings? ■ How does it affect the group’s performance when they express empathy to each other? ■ Why is empathy so important when it comes to social media? ■ How many of you have been hurt by something someone said on social media? Has anyone here ever caused the pain? ■ What can we do to make sure we don’t hurt people on social media? ■ Why is empathy so important when it comes to social media? ■ Have you ever been hurt by something someone said on social media? What can we do to make sure we don’t hurt people on social media?

Empathy stories ■ Sit comfortably on the floor in a circle. Tell several stories in which the character is ad or happy or expresses some other emotion. Discuss each story. Ask questions such as: ■ How did you feel? ■ Did you connect with the character in the story? ■ Have you ever felt that way? ■ Have you ever known anyone that something like this happened to?

Empathy Article from the University of Michigan ■ What are some things they can do to increase empathy? ■ What do they think are the reasons empathy has declined in the United States? ■ So, how many of you think you have a lot of empathy? When we watched the Soul Surfer clip, were you empathizing with Bethany? During the readings of the stories, were you empathizing with the people in them? Let’s take an empathy quiz and see just how empathetic we are.

Empathy Quiz ■ Add up scores. Discuss results. Many students will be surprised to find that they lack empathy. Have them come up with some ideas to help themselves grow.

Conflict Resolution ■ You fouled out of the basketball game and were so angry you kicked over a chair. How could you have prepared ahead to have self-control during the game?

LESSON 18 Social Skills and Interpersonal Skills

Warm Up ■ Good Things – Please complete the good things on page 46 in your Student Manual ■ Journal (write in your journal section) MLT (My Life Today) – What does empathy mean?

Warm Up ■ Good Things – Please complete the good things on page 46 in your Student Manual ■ Journal (write in your journal section) MLT (My Life Today) – Why is empathy an important quality for a leader?

Warm Up ■ Good Things – Please complete the good things on page 46 in your Student Manual ■ Journal (write in your journal section) MLT (My Life Today) – What makes up interpersonal skills?

Review of E. I. Acronym ■ I – Interpersonal Skills – A joint Scale, Which combines empathy and social skills ■ P – Persistence – The ability to stick with something ■ O – Optimism – The ability to be positive in the face of adversity or struggle ■ S- Self- Awareness – The ability to understand who you are ■ S – Self-Control – The ability to control your impulses or urges ■ E – Empathy – The ability to feel what others feel ■ S – Social Skills – -The ability to interact with others in a positive, successful way ■ S – Self-Motivation – The ability to tell yourself what to do, rather than needing someone else to tell you what to do

Social Skills ■ Why you possess social skills, you have skills necessary for relating to others. – If I asked you, what are the skills that you have to possess to hold a job, what would you say? – What skills seem to be the most important when working with other people, especially adults? – Tell me, what’s the difference between a skill and a technique? This is a hard question, so think about he meaning of being skilled at something. ■ Can people begin something by being skilled or do they have to go through training or experience before they can be skilled? Would you want to go to a surgeon who has learned a technique for surgery? Or would you rather go to a surgeon who has used that technique and is now skilled in the sue of that technique? ■ To develop a skill, you have to learn how to do something and then you have to do it. Learning something is not the same as being able to do it. ■ You can become skilled at something only by doing it over and over. It is a lot like playing baseball or the piano or anything that you learn how to do well.

Social Skills Continued ■ When we are talking about social skills, we are talking about a certain set of information and skills that are necessary for you to succeed in life. ■ If I could teach you these skills, what would it be worth to you to learn to do them well? ■ The fact is, it would be worth a great deal to you. Also, notice that not everyone has these skills. That is because of one or more of these three reasons: – 1. They have not been taught the technique. – 2. They have not used them enough to be good at them. – 3. They are too lazy to care about them. ■ Now, you decide! Do you want to fall in one of these groups or do you want to learn them and practice until you are really good? ■ Believe me, social skills are crucial to your success. Let’s talk about them.

Discussion ■ Remember when I read the article from the University of Michigan about Empathy? Do you remember one of the reasons why theorist believe empathy began to decrease in the graduating seniors around the year 2000? That’s right, it was the introduction of social media on the internet. As a result of non-face-to-face conversations and the lack of communication, people don’t take as many opportunities to practice their social skills. And remember, to become a master at something you have to practice it over and over. Lets watch this video clip called “Can We Auto Correct Humanity? ” and then tell me what you think. ■ http: //TLfiles. com/autocorrect ■ Well, what do you think? Do any of you find yourself saying, “Yeah, that’s me, ” or “I need to get serious about this. ” Do you see how social media and our phones could be impacting our relationships? What are some positive results of social media/ What are some negative? Let’s take a closer look at social skills.

Discussion Continued ■ What do you think are the most important social skills? ■ What is important when meeting new people? ■ Did you know that when you meet new people the most important thing is what you do with your body? ■ Think about he eight cues we talked about earlier…Let’s name them.

Discussion Continued ■ Do you see how all of those things relate to how you use your body? These things show people whether or not we are relating to them well ■ Do you relate to adults well? If not, why do you think that is? ■ Do you think that you can determine how an adult relates to you? ■ What could you do to get adults to take you more seriously? ■ When we think of social and business skills, we need to look at the places where you can practice those skills. Don’t forget situations like talking to office assistants, using the phone, setting up appointments, and being friendly to clerks in a store. Also, while eating out, ordering food, using silverware, knowing when to be seated and where to sit. It’s also important to know when to stand if someone comes to your office or table while you’re dining and lots of other things. For example, did you know it’s a good social skill to stand when you greet someone/ So if I come up to you to shake your hand you are sitting in a chair, what are you going to do? That’s right! Stand up to greet me! (Practice with a few students. Offer to shake their hands while they’re seated and wait for them to stand. Then remind them to stand every time if they are seated when you greet them. ) ■ You can practice these skills now, and you will be amazed at the response that you get from adults. They think of you as “just a kid, ” until you show them you can act in a professional way.

Activity: Role-Play ■ The teacher asks you to ask the teacher’s aide for ten copies of a handout. How do you address the teacher's aide? ■ You have to buy a lunch ticket. How do you address the cashier? ■ There is a pill in the classroom, and the teacher asks you to go ask the janitor for his help. How do you address the janitor? ■ You are asked to deliver a message to the principal’s office and bring back a response. How do you address the secretary and principal? ■ You go out to dinner with your family, and everyone pulls out their phones. What do you do if you want to have a good family conversation without phones? ■ Let the students brainstorm other role-play situations that are pertinent to them. Role-Play as many as you have time for. You might want to keep a list and role-play the rest later.

Story ■ I have to confess that I get a kick out of taking young people with me, and the adults are blown away by the professional way the young people act in meetings. Let me tell you a story. ■ A while back, I had an appointment

Discussion

Interpersonal Skills ■ Now we’re going to go back to the beginning of the Emotional Intelligence acronym and pick up the very first scale, the “I, ” which stands for Interpersonal Skills. Remember I told you that the interpersonal skills scale is a joint scale combining empathy and social skills. – What does empathy mean? ■ Right! Empathy is the ability to feel and relate to what another person is feeling. Let’s say that you came home and found out that your grandmother had died. As you parents are telling you what happened and when the funeral would be, you are feeling sad and depressed about her death. As soon as they finish telling you what happened, you get on the phone and call your friend to talk. You want the person you call to have empathy. You want your friend to care about what happened and how you’re felling about losing your grandmother. ■ And, as we just discussed, social skills are those skills that help us when we meet new people and want to develop relationships with them. The kinds of skills we are talking about are good handshake, good posture, appropriate dress and grooming, excellent manners, courtesies, language, humor, and many others. People who have these skills are usually comfortable in lots of different situations. ■ Flip tells about going to Austin, Texas to meet with some Teen Leadership students for supper at the Old San Francisco Steak House. Earlier that day, those same students met with the Governor to Texas and some of his staff. Flip knew how that meeting with the governor went because he knew how those students had been taught.

Interpersonal Skills Continued ■ He knew without asking that they had walked in with good posture, great faces, a good attitudes, good grooming, firm handshakes, looking relaxed and full of energy. He knew this because he had seen hundreds of young people do the same thing in lots of different situations. They would have asked good questions, and maintained eye contact as the governor spoke and they would have responded will to his comments. Now, some of these students do not come from the richest or the most socially skilled families. Some of their families are migrant workers, some of them are laborers, and some of them are barely getting by in the world. But, these students have the skills and those skills open doors. ■ So, what do we get when we put these skills together with empathy? Well, let’s see what happens if we don’t put them together, and we have one without the other. Remember, empathy is the ability to feel and relate to what others are feeling.

Discussion ■ What would a person be like who had great social skills, but had no empathy for others? – Right! For these people, getting along with others is just a game. It’s using others to get what they want but without caring about the relationships. In truth, they would be very manipulative. The could make you think they cared and were sincere, when in fact they were simply using their skills to deceive you into thinking whatever they wanted you to think. We would say that those kinds of people are not genuine; they are phony. ■ Now, What about a person who had empathy for others, but no social skills? – These people could be sincere and care about you, but would have not way to express it. In fact, you’d probably never know it! These people might be so awkward socially they would probably never meet you, and you would never be able t 0 have a relationship with them. OR, they might show it inappropriately, such as being too pushy, and you might not want to have a relationship with them. ■ On the other hand, a person with a good balance of empathy and social skills, and good interpersonal skills would sincerely care about you and have the ability to convey that appropriately.

Puzzle Activity ■ You will need one puzzle per group, scissors and crayons for this activity. ■ Students get into groups of four. If you have more or less than four, you will simply need to divide the pieces up differently. Give each group a puzzle. Ask students to cut the puzzle into strips along the grid lines. Each person in the group will get one strip. Those four pieces are their pieces, and no one else is allowed to touch them. Each student gets two crayons of different colors. No one else in the group may have the same two colors. For example, one person may have red and blue, and another could have read and orange, they just can’t have the same two identical colors. After students have chosen their two colors, they cut their strips into the four small squares and color them in with their two colors. Both colors should be on all four of their pieces. Now students have four pieces of the puzzle with their two colors that they can identify as their puzzle pieces. Working as a team and using their interpersonal skills, they must figure out the puzzle by putting it together. The rule is they may only touch tier pieces. They many not touch or in any way manipulate anyone else’s pieces. They will have to use their social skills and empathy to kindly ask people to move or turn their puzzle piece to fit. This is a challenging activity!

Discussion ■ What was difficult? Why was it hard? ■ What would have made it easier? ■ That’s right, but you had to depend on each other. You had to have empathy from people in your group who did not understand where to put their pieces. You had to use polite social skills to work together toward a common goals. ■ What might have happened if you did this activity and have great social skills but no empathy? What about great empathy but no social skills? What would have happened if you had neither/ Interpersonal skills, empathy, and social skills in balance for success!

Examples of Interpersonal Skills ■ Story of interpersonal skills ■ Leaders who are healthy and honest are people who have good empathy and good social skills in balance – good interpersonal skills.

Conflict Resolution Discussion ■ You have good interpersonal skills with your peers. A new student (of another race, culture, or physical handicap) is assigned to share a locker with you. How do you respond?

LESSON 19 Self-Motivation

Warm Up ■ Good Things – Please complete the good things on page 46 in your Student Manual ■ Journal (write in your journal section) MLT (My Life Today) – Explain what interpersonal skills are and tell why they are important for a leader.

Review of E. I. Acronym ■ I – Interpersonal Skills – A joint Scale, Which combines empathy and social skills ■ P – Persistence – The ability to stick with something ■ O – Optimism – The ability to be positive in the face of adversity or struggle ■ S- Self- Awareness – The ability to understand who you are ■ S – Self-Control – The ability to control your impulses or urges ■ E – Empathy – The ability to feel what others feel ■ S – Social Skills – -The ability to interact with others in a positive, successful way ■ S – Self-Motivation – The ability to tell yourself what to do, rather than needing someone else to tell you what to do

Self-Motivation ■ http: //TLfiles. com/gatorade ■ Did you see some self-motivation in that commercial? Where was it? What do you suppose, “win from within” means? ■ Self-motivation is one of the most important of all the scales. People who develop this trait are the ones who rise to the top in any organization. They take positions of leadership, even if they are the ones behind the scenes, and they get things done. – What do you think it means to be self-motivated? ■ Right! A person who is self-motivated is one who does things on his own, without having to be told. The person sees what needs to be done or sees what could be done and does it. ■ There is a big difference between people who have to be externally motivated (someone else telling them what to do), and people who tell themselves what to do, being internally or selfmotivated. – What kind of employee do you think a boss would want: one he had to tell what to do all the time or one who sees what needs to be done and does it? Why?

Freedom ■ Most people don’t realize there’s a connection between being self-motivated and freedom. If I asked you if you valued your freedom and wanted to be more in control of your life, what would you say? ■ All teenagers I know would like to have the freedom to do whatever they want. I agree. I think they should have all the freedom they want. ■ Nor, for the trick. How do we get this freedom? I don’t think this will come as a shock to you, but I have all the freedom I want, and I enjoy it every day. I get up when I want, I go to bed when I want, I drive the car I want, I go where I want and I do what I want. I hope you will be able to as well. ■ Let me show you have to have this much freedom! ■ Do you know what to do? Do you know what the right things are to do? Do you know how to treat other people? Do you know the rules for our society about stealing, cheating, lying, and being responsible? They do them. ■ One of the major things about being self-motivated is that you have to do it! Being self-motivated is tough, but it is true. I wouldn’t lie to you about this, and I want you to know the truth. ■ People who are not self-motivated wait around for someone to tell them what to do. So, what do you suppose they get? People telling them what to do! Freedom means getting to choose what you want to do. You are not free if someone else is deciding what you will do. ■ If you’re not self-motivated to do what’s right, there are plenty of people around waiting to urge you to do what’s wrong. And the more you follow them, the more you get stuck in that groove. The ultimate loss of freedom is prison. ■ What if you get home from school and turn on the TV and watch it all afternoon? Someone will eventually tell you to go do your homework. But what if you were self-motivated to do your homework first, without being asked/ The you would have more freedom to do what you want.

Discussion ■ What other situations can you think of where you could be self-motivated? ■ How would you have more freedom if you were self-motivated in those situations? ■ Those who can motivate themselves go to the top. Those who can’t, sit on the bottom. And, believe me, there is room at the top! – What does self-motivation have to do with toilet paper? New roll – What does self-motivation have to do with the dishes? The yard? The dog? Carrying groceries? – What about getting a job? Getting a promotion? Owning a home? – Buying a ranch? Running a company? – Do you know anyone whom you would say is self-motivated? – What does being self-motivated do for them? – Can you see the connection between being self-motivated and freedom?

Discussion Continued ■ Those who motivate themselves are the ones who are free. Being selfmotivated is the ticket that buys you freedom. – If you had this kind of freedom, what would you do with it? – Now, let me ask you this question: Why do you think a leader must be selfmotivated? ■ If a leader weren’t self-motivated, they would be a follower! – Tell me what you think this statement means: Being able to self-direct earns you the right to lead others. – Okay! What are you thinking?

Activity: Complete E. I. Cheer/Song ■ Group students into groups of two, three, or four. Assign each group a letter of the I POSSESS acronym and ask them to write a verse about that letter. The verse should include the scale name, something about it such as the definition, and example of that scale, what happens if you don’t have it, etc. ■ As a large group, make a verse that uses all the scales, in order, describing each one as in #1 above. ■ Then perform the finished product. You may be able to perform this for another class or some other group. Also, publish the whole song on the bulletin board, on a tape and in their portfolios.

Speech Assignment ■ We’ll give our 1 st speech during our next Teen Leadership class period! Fill in all the blanks on the Speech form. Remember to use these forms to prepare all of you presentations. The topic is “ A Relationship That’s Important to Me and Why. ” Write that down on your form. And think of a good title, as well as good opening and closing lines.

Additional Activities

LESSON 20 Speeches