Supporting Male Family and Friends Rus Ervin Funk

Supporting Male Family and Friends Rus Ervin Funk, MSW Coordinator of Mens Engagement

Intro to Mens. Work • Formed in 2007 to “engage, empower and organize” men to prevent all forms of genderbased violence • Key projects Promoting gender respect q White Ribbon Kentuckiana q Combating the Demand q Recovering Masculinities q • Become a formal project of the Center for Women and Families in 2014

Where we’re starting from § Understanding of “gender-based” violence § Women and girls disproportionately impacted by GBV § Impact of GBV on women in the social environment § Women are loved by men § Women are traumatized, men are harmed

Masculinities § How males come to understand our. Selves as “Men” is culturally and socially constructed. § This self-definition is at the intersection of our other identities. § Within a meta-definition of manhood § How these messages and lessons impact on men’s response to loved ones being raped

Being a “Man” What’s Done to Men What Men are Called “Man Up”

What Men Understand About GBV n Legal definition n Media depictions n Through myths more than facts n More as sexual than an assault n As violent (not necessarily as power and control)

What Men Understand Who is victimized n “Those” women or men n …By “those” men n Victim “responsibility” n Focus on the physical harm

Intersectional Theory “Our identity, how we come to understand or define ourselves, is at the intersection of various categories of identity (race/ethnicity, sexual/affectional orientation, gender, etc. ) at a given moment in a particular context. ” (Funk, 2007, based on Crenshaw, 2001)

Implications for Advocacy § People experience GBV at the intersections of: • • • Their multiple identities Their identities and the identities of the other person Their identities and the various systems they come into contact with § Male’s interact with their loved ones through these intersections § Male’s interact with support systems through these intersections

What do you do to protect yourself…

Men’s typical relationship to GBV § None/foreign § Othering (“those men” perpetrate it on “those women”) § Sexualized/fantasy § Violence/harm § “Stranger danger”

How men learn about a victimization n From another source (police, hospital, etc. ) n After the fact n Hesitant/reluctant disclosure n During another crisis/conflict

Supporting men in these moments § Listen actively § Recognize/identify feelings q Anger q Frustration q Sadness § Re-direct

How Men Typically Respond n Protective § Self-blame § Shame n n n Anger Questioning Confusion Eroticization of the assault and of her/his response The need to “fix” it

How men “know” to respond Refer back to the manhood box… § To protect § “Going after him” § With anger § At their loved one § At the assaulter § At the situation § At the police/hospital/advocate

Helping Men Support Their Loved One § Encourage men to support themselves § Educate men to combat their misunderstandings and myths § Combat victim-blaming § Challenge self-blame § Focus their rage § Promote Emotional literacy

Addressing Protectionism § Educate about the control aspects of GBV § How his protectionism can come across as controlling § What’s beneath their desire to protect

Combating Self-blame § Assume he’s blaming himself and proactively combat it § “it’s not her fault” -- it’s not yours either § How self-blame diverts his attention from actively supporting his loved one

Addressing Anger § Normalize § Encourage expression § Create boundaries q How to express q Express to who § Provide an outlet

Countering Victim-blaming § Assume this is going on § Normalize and challenge § Interrupt his “why” questions § Make sure he doesn’t ask “why” § Educate

Thank-you! (502)581 -7234 rus. funk@cwfempower. org www. mensworkinc. com