Stages of a Relationship Emotional Stages Development of

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Stages of a Relationship ¡Emotional Stages ¡Development of a Love Relationship ¡Six Stages of

Stages of a Relationship ¡Emotional Stages ¡Development of a Love Relationship ¡Six Stages of Love ¡Couples Journey Stages ¡ 10 Stage Model of Interpersonal Relationships ¡Five Stages from Beginning to End ¡Stages of Marriage ¡ 7 Types of Marriage

5 emotional stages – according to ages 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 20 -28:

5 emotional stages – according to ages 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 20 -28: Getting into Adult World 29 -34: Starting to question “Who am I? ” 35 -43: Midlife scare – inner changes 44 -54: Rediscovering (apart of together) 55+: Growth toward wisdom

Development of a Love Relationship (Jerry Braza) Attraction: bring two people together, similarities draws

Development of a Love Relationship (Jerry Braza) Attraction: bring two people together, similarities draws them together. Differences allow them to grow. ¡ Positive Feelings: most of the time when together. Strong feelings. Temporary and illusion (sometimes) ¡

Development of a Love Relationship, cont. ¡ Depth begins: l l ¡ Faith in

Development of a Love Relationship, cont. ¡ Depth begins: l l ¡ Faith in each other begins to build Novelty continues/sexual attraction strong Communication is excellent, talk easily Little or no criticism, mutual discovery (feels good) Stability: newness wears off l l Develop rational strength through many activities Openness is the KEY

Development of a Love Relationship, cont. ¡ Crossroads #1 l l l Assume friendship

Development of a Love Relationship, cont. ¡ Crossroads #1 l l l Assume friendship will last without any work needed to keep it going Take each other for granted Don’t develop common interests (do most things independently) Talk less and less – begin to be critical and indifferent Tension increases, fighting, arguing – sex becomes less enjoyable Relationship falls apart

Development of a Love Relationship, cont. ¡ Crossroads #2 l l l l Develop

Development of a Love Relationship, cont. ¡ Crossroads #2 l l l l Develop and expand common interests Work at relationship/communication Do things for and with each other Shared journey Strong bond – can handle stress Relationship offers more fulfillment Lasting sexual enjoyment

Six Stages of LOVE (Judy & Jim Sellner) 1. 2. ROMANCE: Love as a

Six Stages of LOVE (Judy & Jim Sellner) 1. 2. ROMANCE: Love as a giddy, enthralling, passionate, and largely conflict-free condition. EARLY COMMITMENT: high expectations, incomplete knowledge and understanding, the couple decide to become committed to each other.

Six Stages of LOVE, cont. 3. 4. POWER STRUGGLE AND CONFLICT: the bloom is

Six Stages of LOVE, cont. 3. 4. POWER STRUGGLE AND CONFLICT: the bloom is off the rose and reality starts to intrude, as two individual identities emerge. RESOLUTION AND ACCEPTANCE: the couple learn how to confront each other constructively and resolve major hostilities.

Six Stages of LOVE, cont. COMMITMENT OR ETHICAL LOVE: a transformation of emphasis from

Six Stages of LOVE, cont. COMMITMENT OR ETHICAL LOVE: a transformation of emphasis from “What can this relationship do for me? ” to “What can I do for this relationship? ” 6. LOVE MADE VISIBLE or MATURE ROMANTICISM: you inspire each other to do creative things that have an effect on other people 5.

Couples Journey Stages (Susan Campbell) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Romance: happily-ever-after Power struggle:

Couples Journey Stages (Susan Campbell) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Romance: happily-ever-after Power struggle: accept each other at end Stability: no risking, too comfortable Commitment: love even though don’t always like Co-creation: beyond relationship, outer world

Couples Journey Stages (Berkeley Therapy Institute Stages) 1. 2. 3. Happy Time: romantic, enjoy

Couples Journey Stages (Berkeley Therapy Institute Stages) 1. 2. 3. Happy Time: romantic, enjoy togetherness Conflict and Regrets: begins in disappointment, reality, disillusionment (question wisdom in being together), differences emerge, mutual disapproval Reaching an Accord: give up blame, develop realistic expectation, mutual acceptance, accommodation, and attraction.

10 Stage Model of Interpersonal Relationships -Knapp ¡ GROWTH Stages Initiating Stage l l

10 Stage Model of Interpersonal Relationships -Knapp ¡ GROWTH Stages Initiating Stage l l l l Impressions Checking out ¡ Clothes ¡ Physical Attractiveness Intelligence Testing Ideas Opinions Attitudes Beliefs

Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont. ) GROWTH Stages ¡ Experimenting Stage l l l

Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont. ) GROWTH Stages ¡ Experimenting Stage l l l Seeking common ground Testing the waters with self-disclosure Provide personal histories

Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont. ) GROWTH stages ¡ Intensifying Stage l Swap possessions

Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont. ) GROWTH stages ¡ Intensifying Stage l Swap possessions clothes ¡ CDs ¡ l l Use pet names for each other Increase self-disclosure Increase risks Increase openness

Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont. ) GROWTH stages ¡ Integrating Stage l l l

Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont. ) GROWTH stages ¡ Integrating Stage l l l Constantly nearby Share friends Others identify the dyad as a couple or best friends

Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont. ) GROWTH stages ¡ Bonding Stage l l l

Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont. ) GROWTH stages ¡ Bonding Stage l l l Formal commitment Engagement Marriage Signing a lease Going into business together

Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont. ) DECLINE Stages ¡ Differentiating Stage l l l

Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont. ) DECLINE Stages ¡ Differentiating Stage l l l Focus on the differences Increased conflict Increased time apart

Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont. ) DECLINE Stages ¡ Circumscribing Stage l Superficial conversation

Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont. ) DECLINE Stages ¡ Circumscribing Stage l Superficial conversation ¡ l l l Safe topics Conflict avoidance Appear to be committed in public Focus on the relationship

Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont. ) DECLINE Stages ¡ Stagnating Stage l l l

Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont. ) DECLINE Stages ¡ Stagnating Stage l l l Lack of relationship growth Lack of communication on relationship Introduction of emotional pain

Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont. ) DECLINE Stages ¡ Avoiding Stage l l Physical

Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont. ) DECLINE Stages ¡ Avoiding Stage l l Physical separation Direct communication Hostility Antagonism

Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont. ) DECLINE Stages ¡ Termination Stage l l l

Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont. ) DECLINE Stages ¡ Termination Stage l l l Preparation to end relationship Indication of trying to "work it out“ Possible transformation of relationship ¡ l Seeking alternatives ¡ ¡ Rules for new relationship Transitional person End of Relationship

Levinger’s Theory that Relationships Pass through Five Stages from Beginning to End

Levinger’s Theory that Relationships Pass through Five Stages from Beginning to End

Stage of Relationship: INITIAL ATTRACTION Positive Factors Negative Factors Proximity and repeated exposure Absence

Stage of Relationship: INITIAL ATTRACTION Positive Factors Negative Factors Proximity and repeated exposure Absence of proximity and repeated exposure Negative emotions Low affiliation need and friendship motivation Positive emotions High affiliation need and friendship motivation

Stage of Relationship: BUILDING A RELATIONSHIP Positive Factors Negative Factors Equivalent physical attractiveness Similarity

Stage of Relationship: BUILDING A RELATIONSHIP Positive Factors Negative Factors Equivalent physical attractiveness Similarity of attitudes and other characteristics Reciprocal positive evaluations Nonequivalent physical attractiveness Dissimilarity of attitudes and other characteristics Reciprocal negative evaluations

Stage of Relationship: CONTINUATION Positive Factors Negative Factors Seeking ways to maintain interest and

Stage of Relationship: CONTINUATION Positive Factors Negative Factors Seeking ways to maintain interest and variety Providing evidence of positive evaluation Absence of jealousy Perceived equity High level of mutual satisfaction Falling into a rut and becoming bored Providing evidence of negative evaluation Jealousy Perceived inequity Low level of mutual satisfaction

Stage of Relationship: DETERIORATION Positive Factors Negative Factors Much time and effort invested in

Stage of Relationship: DETERIORATION Positive Factors Negative Factors Much time and effort invested in relationship Work at improvement of relationship Wait for improvement to occur Little time and effort invested in relationship Decide to end relationship Wait for deterioration to continue

Stage of Relationship: ENDING Positive Factors Negative Factors Existing relationship offers some rewards A

Stage of Relationship: ENDING Positive Factors Negative Factors Existing relationship offers some rewards A new life appears to be the only acceptable solution Alternative partners available Expect relationship to fail Lack of commitment to a continuing relationship No alternative partners available Expect relationship to succeed Commitment to a continuing relationship

Six Stages of Marriage (Mel Krantzler) 1. 2. 3. Now we are a couple:

Six Stages of Marriage (Mel Krantzler) 1. 2. 3. Now we are a couple: high hopes, great expectations (3 years) What’s happening to my career: concern with status, income, achievement Here we are parents: caring environment, now more than a couple, change in relationships

Six Stages of Marriage, cont. 4. 5. 6. Suddenly we’re older: disenchantment, aging Is

Six Stages of Marriage, cont. 4. 5. 6. Suddenly we’re older: disenchantment, aging Is the past my only future (5065): in touch with self, accepted by spouse as is Summing up: shared interests

7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE The following seven styles were based on a 125 question

7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE The following seven styles were based on a 125 question survey of 8, 385 couples. by David Olson, Professor of Family Social Science at the University of Minnesota. Published in the “Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. ” (from article in Salt Lake Tribune, 11/22/93)

7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE ¡ VITALIZED l These couples are most satisfied with marriage

7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE ¡ VITALIZED l These couples are most satisfied with marriage and feel comfortable with their spouse’s habits and personality. They rank particularly high on scales measuring ability to resolve conflict and communicate. They tend to be older, married longer, more educated and have higher incomes and job status. More husbands work part time, and fewer of them have two jobs.

7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE, cont. ¡ HARMONIOUS l They score moderately high on resolving

7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE, cont. ¡ HARMONIOUS l They score moderately high on resolving conflict, communicating and accepting spouse’s habits and personality. But they have drastically lower consensus on issues involving parenting, although they frequently have only one child. They tend to be older, married for a shorter period of time and have the fewest children of any group. They are more educated and have higher status jobs, but men have lower incomes more often than expected and women earn more. More wives work full time and are less often unemployed.

7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE, cont. ¡ BALANCED l These couples communicate well and are

7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE, cont. ¡ BALANCED l These couples communicate well and are satisfied with problem-solving strategies. They also have higher than average agreement on leisure activities, child-rearing issues and sexuality. They value their nuclear family and try to balance family life with outside interests. But financial management is a problem in the relationship.

7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE, cont. ¡ TRADITIONAL l Couples fitting this profile were most

7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE, cont. ¡ TRADITIONAL l Couples fitting this profile were most satisfied of all groups in how they handle children and parenting duties. They scored above average on conflict resolution, communication and acceptance of spouse’s habits and personality. Scores were even higher on the part religion plays in their marriage. They marry younger, have more children and the wives tend to work less than in other couples. Most have never considered divorce.

7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE, cont. ¡ CONFLICTED l Moderately low scores overall with relatively

7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE, cont. ¡ CONFLICTED l Moderately low scores overall with relatively greater agreement on egalitarian roles in the marriage and making religion an important part of the relationship. Their lowest scores indicate difficulty communicating and resolving conflict. They have less education, lower income and job status and more religious differences. Many couples consider divorce, but they are no more likely to be separated or previously divorced than other couples.

7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE, cont. ¡ FINANCIALLY FOCUSED l Money, or financial rewards, appear

7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE, cont. ¡ FINANCIALLY FOCUSED l Money, or financial rewards, appear to hold this type of couple together. They are dissatisfied with six other relationship issues. A majority of both partners have considered divorce.

7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE, cont. ¡ DEVITALIZED l Pervasively dissatisfied with their marriages, these

7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE, cont. ¡ DEVITALIZED l Pervasively dissatisfied with their marriages, these couple tend to be younger, less educated and have lower status occupations and incomes. More husbands have two jobs. Their acquaintance before marriage is shorter. They are more racially and religiously dissimilar. They are twice as likely to be separated as conflicted couples and 10 times more likely to be separated than other types. Also, 20 percent of the partners have been divorced previously.