Sport Parenting and You Poll Everywhere Text chriswarner

Sport Parenting and You

Poll Everywhere? � Text chriswarner 270 to 22333

Poll Everywhere � What do YOU do to be a good sport parent?

A Little About Me…

Parenting is the hardest (and most important) job!!

Coach – Parent – Athlete Triad � All should be working toward same goals FOR and WITH athlete

Why We’re Here – The Good Stuff! 1) 2) 3) 4) Recreational, social, fitness Educational An honorable competitor Fit-for-life philosophy

Why Are We Here? � 52 year-old man punches eighth grade son in face for losing at basketball (2011). �A 44 year-old truck driver was convicted of involuntary manslaughter for beating another man to death at their sons' hockey practice (2002).

Need we go on? � Parent body-slammed a referee… � Parent charged with aggravated assault… � Referee � Parent hit in the head… head-butted an official….

From the kids…. � This is for me…not my mom. She had her chance. � They are so annoying. � Dad is so embarrassing when he yells at the ref…and he’s wrong. �I don’t even want to go out there. �I hate the ride home after games.

Poll Everywhere � What is the hardest part of being a sport parent?

Guiding Beliefs � All parents love their children. � All parents want the best life for their children. � All parents want their children to be successful. Stacy Sykora, former Olympian and Flatirons clinician…. yeah!

Guiding Beliefs � Parents and coaches have different roles in the “raising” of children. � Each child is different. � Each parent is different. � Each family is different. � For each sport experience, it is important to set goals to measure success.

Why is it difficult to be objective about our own kids?

Why Sports?

Lessons of Sport � Hard work can lead to something � Commitment is important � Communication is essential � Lessons come from failure � Honoring the game

Sports teach life lessons in a “safe” environment. This is a means to an end, not an end in itself.

Goal Setting � Finish this sentence with as many indicators as you feel you need. At the end of the season, parent) I (as a will see it as a success if……

What are YOUR Goals for Your Children? � Outcome based? ◦ Will win x amount of games / trophies / scholarships? ◦ Pay for college with this? � Process based? ◦ Learn life skills? ◦ Base athletic skills? ◦ Have fun?

Goal Setting for Athletes � How might your student-athlete complete the same sentence? At the end of the season, student-athlete) success if…… I (as a will see it as a

Poll Everywhere � Why do you think kids play sports?

Parenting. org Poll 1. To have fun. 2. To do something I’m good at. 3. To be with and make friends. 4. To get fit and stay in shape. 5. To improve my skills and learn new ones. 6. To be part of a team and learn teamwork.

� Are there discrepancies? � How you manage those gaps will define how you parent an athlete.

Our Role as Parents? �Opportunity �Unconditional �Teachers support for the long term

Not Our Role? �Sole source of motivation �Coaches ◦ Volleyball is a game of mistakes; let the coaches correct and instruct.

Survey of Coaches 84% - less parental interaction than in past 71% - “helpfulness” crosses into intrusiveness ◦ Favor seeking ◦ Overly protective ◦ Adversarial parents

Double Goal Coach Club’s working philosophy 1) Prepare athletes to play their best. 2) Teach life skills.

Rachel Simmons… � When we were in school, if something was wrong, it was you. You were wrong. � Now, the parents come back at us (teachers). When we started teaching, that just didn’t happen. You were considered professional, and if my opinion about your paper was this, that was accepted because I’m the teacher and I’m the professional. And now everything is second-guessed

� Many teachers, especially those in more affluent communities, believe they are treated no better than a customer-service representative at a store. They are selling a product, and the parents are paying customers. When the parents aren’t happy, they complain. Their children watch and learn (Simmons 86).

Effect? � Short-term success � Long-term failure

So…what do we DO? � Provide opportunity – guilt free � Provide a safe place to express feelings – judgment free � Cheer for them – all the time �Let them learn

Learn. . How? � Experience for themselves ◦ Winning, losing, failing, rebounding � Speak for themselves ◦ To teammates ◦ To coaches ◦ To you! Conversations are opportunities for GAIN, not LOSS

Girls and Feedback “You’re playing poorly” Males: look around assume you are talking about SOMEONE else Females: Assume the coach is talking about THEM in specific (Dorrance, 1996)

Girls and Feedback � Apply friendship rules to coaches and teachers � See constructive criticism as negative criticism � Coach: �Feedback isn’t direct, immediate �Not as helpful �Less honest picture of self / skills �When do we become honest – “real job”?

Playing Time Playing time decisions are at the discretion of the coaching staff. We do not guarantee any set amount of playing time for athletes.

Concerns and Communication � If the ATHLETE has a concern � If a PARENT has a concern ◦ Address that to the coach ◦ Listen to an implement the agreed-upon plan ◦ Address that to Susan, Chris, or Eric ◦ Please do not address this issue with the coach ◦ You cannot un-ring that bell!

Why? � Is there a life lesson the athlete can learn on HER OWN? � Let HER talk. � Help your athlete prepare for the conversation ◦ Organize her thoughts ◦ Give her sentence starters ◦ Role play the conversation.

Recommendations � Wait � Have 24 hours after tournaments athlete make an appointment ◦ Away from practice / games � Pinpoint � Listen what is bothering the athlete objectively � Implement improvement plan

My Role in This Process � Today � On-going ◦ Mediate meetings at all levels ◦ Non-team affiliated counselor ◦ Work with athletes on Monday for leadership training. ◦ 303 -819 -2571 ◦ Christopher. warner@adams 12. org

Resources

Final Thoughts � This is just a game � Kids should be having fun – even up to that 18 s age level! � Cheer and love them like mad!!!