Soroptimist International Rocky Mountain Region Spring Conference April

Soroptimist International Rocky Mountain Region Spring Conference April 27 th, 2019

Developing creative, influential leaders

Open Closed

Architecture of Inspiring Leaders

Agile Collaboration vs. Drama 6

At the end of this workshop we will be able to… Recognize when we are in the drama triangle Familiarize ourselves with the signs of reactivity Use “shift” tools to get out of the drama triangle and into agile collaboration 7

What is agile collaboration? Agile collaboration happens from a place of relational presence, where I am reliably open to learning. I generate trust within and around me, and promote mutual creativity.

Open, curious, undefended Closed, reactive, defended

The Drama Triangle 10

The Drama Triangle Victim Hero Villain 11

Victim Seeks out • • • Help Security People who want to rescue Pain and suffering Overwhelming problems Says things like Is at the effect of… Experiences life as happening to him/her/them • • • “There’s nothing I can do” “I have to…” “It’s hard” “I don’t know how” “It’s not fair” 12

Villain Seeks out • • • Control Where to place blame Enemies to conquer “The way” People to criticize Says things like Blames self and others • • “You’re doing it wrong” “Who’s to blame” “My way or the highway” “It should be different” 13

Hero Seeks out • • • Appreciation Problems to fix People to save Pain to be relieved Conflicts to be resolved Says things like Seeks temporary relief, rescues under the guise of being helpful • • • “I can handle it” “I can help” “Poor you” “Let’s all get along” “You can do it” 14

The Drama Triangle Victim Hero Villain 15

The Drama Triangle The positions reinforce each other. A victim requires a hero or villain A villain requires a victim or hero A hero requires a victim or villain 16

Reactivity Once in reactivity, the content of the drama no longer matters. Address the reactivity first. (Ignore the content of the drama. ) 17

Reactivity 18

How to Shift 1: Notice that you’re reactive 2: Ask: Am I willing to shift? 3: If yes, try one or more shift moves 19

Shift moves Commit to seeing the other person as my ally Use your body to shift (breathe, move, walk, change your body position) Employ curiosity and wonder “I’m curious how I helped create this situation” “I wonder what I can learn from this? ” 20

Exercise 1: Partner A: Think of an issue and complain full out for 2 minutes. Exaggerate positions on the triangle. 2: Partner B: Listen and watch for signs of reactivity. Signal to Partner A when 2 minutes are up. 3: Partner A: Report what is happening in your body (notice signals of reactivity) 4: Partner B: Ask Partner A: Are you willing to shift? 5: Partner A: If your answer is yes, practice a shift move from your handout. Then report any changes you notice in your body. 21

Agile Collaboration Open Closed Drama Triangle

Open Seeks out • • • Learning Connection Contribution Authentic feelings Acceptance of self, others, situations Says things like • “I wonder what I can learn from this? ” • “How am I creating this? ” Being in ease and flow Inviting agile collaboration 23

Agile Collaboration What is it that you most want? Tell me more. What interests you about that? What is an action step you can take to move you in the direction of what you want? 24

Agile Collaboration

The Choice Closed: Open: 26

Thank You 27

Want More? Lead by Design 3 -day leadership training Estes Park: June 12 - 14 Salt Lake City: July 31 – Aug 2 28

Get in touch with us /craftedleadership Julianna Christie: julianna@craftedleadership. com @craftedleadership. com 29